I’m feeling lonely (due to lack of boyfriend) and need to vent.
I know this sort of post/sentiment is really common, but please bear with me :)
I’m 18, going to college in a few weeks, and I’ve got zero romantic history. Never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, nothing.
I can attribute this to a few things:
1. The guys who have been interested in me, I am 100% not interested in.
2. I don’t get crushes much at all, period? I honestly haven’t had a genuine crush in 3 years, and I think the grand total I’ve ever had is 5, including shallow ones.
3. Obvious things like I’m fairly awkward and not all that attractive (though don’t get me wrong, I do love myself, I’m just being honest)
I don’t prioritize getting a boyfriend over most things, and I know how to be happy on my own (I’ve had to learn after 18 years), but I still wish I had someone to be close to in the way other girls get to be with their boyfriends. I’m so worried I’m going to have to wait for years before experiencing even a superficial relationship, and good god I’m already so lonely now. I just want to know someone who actually shares my interests, whom I’m comfortable sharing my secrets with and don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself in front of.
And I’m sure my lack of history is going to be an added obstacle to getting a boyfriend in college, as if it weren’t hard enough to find someone who’d both like me and interest me. I’m so afraid it’s not going to happen for a long time to come and I’m so **** sick of being alone :c
Since writing this post je t'aime may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. je t'aime is a verified member, has been around for 5 years, 6 months and has 99 posts and 1,050 replies to their name.
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You’ll make tons of friends in college and you won’t be alone. Friends can be better than boyfriends, too. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 19 years old during my second year of college so I understand how you feel about wanting someone, though, but believe me when the time is right it’ll happen. I know that sounds cliche but it is so true.
College is a whole different world. A person who is socially awkward might be unpopular in high school and the most sought after person in her social group in college. Be friendly and you will meet someone.
Anyway, it sounds more like you need a good friend than a boyfriend. If you meet someone, that’s great, but if not, good friends make all the difference in the world. Trying to maintain a romantic relationship while studying can be more stress and time consuming than it is worth.
I know a good friend could satisfy the whole sharing interests/telling secrets/being comfortable thing, and yeah my friendships in the past few years haven’t been all that deep or great so I do need better friends too, but is it wrong for me to think there’d be something special about having a boyfriend who’s also my best friend? (that’s a real question, not a rhetorical one)
I just think I’d be more fulfilled that way, I don’t know. Not to say that I think it’s impossible to be fulfilled otherwise, just… I’m missing something huge in my life right now and relationships are important, even though they’re not necessary.
I hope I’m making sense :\
I agree, your mate should be your best friend. There is nothing wrong with wanting that at all. I was just saying that you shouldn’t worry or try to force things - let things happen as they will. Be friendly, try to meet people, and even if you don’t find a boyfriend you will meet friends who share your interests and you can talk and share with. All things happen in their time.
Well,if I frankly speak then….then I thought I’m the very rare girl who’s having this problem.I ever thought there is none with this similar problem to me.Well…I have the same feelings as you have,”need someone(BF) to share,some honest must be,but I am habituated to be alone.I can be happy with myself.”…But all told to have patience & the person will come to me in time.And not to run after this feelings.So,same advises for you too….:)
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are feeling — the worries you have or the desire you have to have a boyfriend. All totally normal and understandable! The intimate relationship that you have with a (good) boyfriend is something special and unique, and adds something incredible to your life.
That being said, a boyfriend is NOT (and SHOULD not) be what defines your life or be the only thing that makes you feel special, nor should it be the only relationship that offers you the kind of deep connection and understanding that you mention. In fact, in my opinion, a boyfriend is only a good idea if you already have a full life — so that he becomes someone to share that full life with, not someone to make your life full.
It sounds like you are already a strong and independent young woman, which is wonderful. I just hope that you see the start of college as not just some place where you might meet a boyfriend, but also as an opportunity to grow more into the person you are already becoming — to expand your mind, meet friends who will be in your life for the rest of your life, make mistakes, try new things, and find your passion. Ultimately, those are the most important things you should take from your college experience (although it is certainly also possible to find the love of your life, it just shouldn’t be your goal).
I was very much like you at 18 — I arrived to college with little romantic experience, and feared it would hinder me even further the older I got. SO I would recommend that you take the freedom and the opportunity of college to try out spending time with different guys. Go out on a date with a guy that you aren’t sure about (not in terms of his kindness or respect for you, but one you don’t necessarily feel 100% attracted to yet). Get yourself comfortable and familiar with dating so it doesn’t seem like such a foreign, unattainable thing (and therefore the be all and end all of your time in college). Kiss a few frogs! It will allow you to gain some experience, and give you more of a sense of what you like and what you don’t.
I definitely did that, but also ended up spending most of my time focusing on classes and my job which got me into a school working with ESL students, and changed my life. Since then I’ve known what I wanted to do, and have been pursuing my passion. Of course I often felt like I was doing something “wrong” because I didn’t have a serious boyfriend, and I longed for that. I did date, and got some experience, broke through some personal barriers that were holding me back. BUT it wasn’t until I was TWENTY FOUR that I met my current, wonderful, long-term boyfriend. I bet that sounds really old to you — and I’m certainly not saying to wait so long if you find someone wonderful!! But, I am saying that our relationship is incredible because I know who I am, because I have lots of people in my life in addition to him, and because he adds to my life, rather than defining it.
I am also 18 years old, and I will be starting college this fall. I have never had a boyfriend, nor have I ever bonded on a emotional/romantic level with a guy. I have only kissed one guy, who I 100 percent did not like, just to get it over with. It seemed as if all the men I have liked never liked me, and all the men who liked me I never liked. However, I managed to change my life for the better :)
First, I want to tell you that you will not always find a guy that you are completely attracted to in the beginning, and you shouldn’t expect to find that ever. Lower your expectations. That guy who you aren’t completely attracted to could be the one who has an amazing personality, that you can bond with, and eventually see yourself being with. I’m speaking from personal experience here; a strong, positive personality makes up for physical flaws.
Second, You are 18, don’t you think it’s about time you take responsibility and initiative? If you want something go get it. Again, lower your expectations. The perfect man isn’t just going to show up. Get out there. If you see someone looking at you, you find attractive give a signal or approach him. Face your fears when it comes to things of that nature, it will really boost your self esteem when you do. Yes, you will get disappointed, you will get rejected but, you have to keep on going.
Third, you consider yourself “not all that attractive” and say you’re “just being honest”. Really? If that’s how you carry yourself then of course no one is going to want to take a chance. When you carry yourself like you are attractive, people will be drawn to that. Confidence, find it! It makes you the center of the crowd, people will want to get to know you. Tips: Go shopping, take pictures of yourself, get your hair done, etc. Pamper and continue to love yourself, accept your flaws and love them, you are unique and you are special just like everyone else. That alone makes you beautiful! So look in that mirror every once in a while and give yourself some credit.
Fourth, you are awkward… Ha! Me too, and very weird, but you know the only way to improve socially is if you take the chance. Again take the initiative for your benefit don’t sit around waiting for things to happen for you. Happiness takes a lot of time and hard work, you need to challenge yourself. Socially, I do it all the time and my life has improved immensely. Try it! And just say “yolo” while you’re doing it, it’s the best excuse ever!
Fifth, I think it commendable that you prioritize things before relationships, because honestly at 18 a relationship is not really that important. Think about all the people you know who have been or are in relationships right now. Are they still happy? Are they still together? Think about all the drama that comes with relationships in general (I know you notice it), and think, is that really best for you right now especially with school? Relationships are hardwork, and are less important than school, js. Hence, why a lot of people who were together through high school break up before college. Not only due to it being difficult to juggle with school work, but because college is a new experience, and no one wants attachments.
Last, stop feeling so desperate for a relationship, like you “need” a boyfriend. If you carry that mentality you will find the wrong person and end up hurt anyways. You will end up settling because you want love, and in the end you won’t find it. People will use you because they know you’re “desperate” for a relationsip. Think about it. What is best for you? Stop looking at all the couples around you and forcus on yourself and what you need. Know who you are.
So basically, take your time… You just might not be ready for a relationship (I know I’m not), you’re only 18 anyway! College is supposed to be about fun, don’t sweat the relationship stuff it will happen. Be hopeful, and Good luck!
and if you need anymore help just shout me!
Not to nitpick, but I think you got the wrong idea about my lack of crushes. I’m not looking for the perfect man or instantaneous attraction, and I don’t disregard guys who aren’t super hot (tbh none of my crushes have been hot). The fact of the matter is that I have only found myself attracted to a personality 5 times in my entire life, even after getting to know a bunch of guys well. It takes a very precise and rare something to get me to crush on someone, and I have no idea what that something is.
I also think you missed the part where I said I love myself :P I genuinely do. Not everyone in the world can be a gorgeous vixen, and I don’t feel any shame in admitting that I’m not one. I never wear makeup and all in all don’t put much effort into my appearance (except where clothes are involved because they’re a creative outlet rather than a crutch) because I feel just fine about myself without having to exert that energy. I don’t need to consider myself a 10 to be happy, I’ve moved past that. I derive confidence from my talents and positive qualities, not my looks.
The rest of that was spot on, though, and sorry if the preceding paragraphs came off as snotty c:
While I was typing all of that I figured I could be getting the wrong idea, but I did say “yolo” and just went for it lol. So it’s okay, letting me know how it really is, only helps me understand you better, which in turn allows me to give you more accurate advice :)
About your crush(es), that seems like a very tricky situation, but I think I can help. It seems as if you are looking for both a lover and friend type of relationship? Am I right? Keep in mind that that might not happen, and don’t expect that it should. Also consider what attracted you to those 5 guys. What did they do? What were their personalities like? What were their physical characteristics? You could find that the personalities and the looks of your prior crushes are similar, and then it will be easier to figure out what exactly you are so drawn to. However, I think that eventually you will be drawn to someone similar, I find myself being drawn to guys with similar features and personalities. Try not to think so much about it I’d say, usually those things just happen. If not, another tip would be to join a club or volunteer somewhere of your interest and perhaps you will find someone who can relate to you.
And in regards to how you feel about yourself, I think I should have elaborated a little more (however I knew my reply was going to be like an essay lol). I love that you love yourself that is excellent! It seems as if no one loves themselves these days! What I was trying to say though, was that a large part of attraction is based on the physical, especially when it comes to men. I understand the make up part, I hate make up (I only wear it on special occasions, though I want to start using mascara lol). I understand you knowing you’re not the best looking in the world. I get that, I know I’m not all that either lol. However, I think you should look how you feel :D. You say you love yourself, do you look that way? Dress that way? Act that way? Ask yourself those things. Not putting effort into your looks could be a draw back for you or anyone! You should put effort into your appearance if you want to stand out to the people. Hell pampering yourself every once in a while may make you feel even more confident, you know? Just try something new, experiment with different things. Another tip would be to watch What Not To Wear, they give excellent advice, and I love it! You might love it too :)
Honestly, I could be kind of wrong here again, but just know I was helping on pure emotion lol.
hi i liked ur post
You’ll die alone
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