This post left anonymously
Things fall apart…
They shatter and break no matter how hard you have tried to hold them together, no matter much you have willed them into being strong. Things go wrong. Everything that can go wrong, will. What can takes years to build, can be destroyed in a matter of seconds and the sheer helplessness it perhaps the worst thing about it all. Watching everything crumble and being unable to stop it, when you know if you could have been just that bit stronger, just that bit better…you might have stopped it all.
There are days when everything is just wrong. Things that would have made you smile, make you cry. That strength that keeps you going every other day, fails you completely and you are left weak and open to the bitter reality of what awaits you the moment you let go, give in.
People die. People who have made your whole life wonderful, people who are your life…they die. They leave forever and go to a place you cannot follow, be it afterlife or oblivion and you are left in the grief and uncertainty with a hole in you that can only be filled by time and even more uncertainty about the foundations of your world. Your life. You hear music they loved, touch things they owned and know that they are gone. That you did not do enough with them, say enough to them to make them understand how much they meant. It is all too clear now that they are gone. Moments that were dull, seem painfully brilliant now that they are out of reach. Time unspent, hesitation and missed opportunities replace those people who have left, gone on.
But there are still those who try. Who find things to believe in, even if they are foolish to others, they believe. They try to go on, they try to make a life, they even try to help others. To touch the lives of others who cannot so easily pull themselves up from the ground and stand on their own two feet. We still try. On a more hopeful day, it could be called faith; the desire to be better, to be strong; to be. Every day is a struggle, but we try. We push and shove and make our way through the world any way we can because that is what we do. There is always grief, always pain and loss. There always will be.
But we will always try. It is what makes us human. We try to make things better, even though we sometimes make things worse. We do our best, pick ourselves up from the dirt and stand in the world, even though it can be agony.
Things will always fall apart. They are meant to, it’s the natural way.
And we will always try to put things back together.
We will always try.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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