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Can someone who is good at grammar edit my testimony?
When I was growing up, God was not a part of my life. I remember going to church some of the time, but that was it. I was six when my parents divorced and in the end I moved in with my dad and stepmother. Because of the move, I was going to a new elementary school. I became friends with a girl and she started inviting me to her church’s youth group. Since I only had every other weekend and Wednesday visits with my mother, I declined. My mother’s weekday visits were eventually taken away because she was deemed as an unfit mother, so I accept her offer one day. On my first visit to her church I accepted Jesus as my savior. I started attending youth group every Wednesday and soon started attending church on Sunday also. Because my family was not into church, my punishment would be being kept home from church.
As I got older, life at home got harder. My dad, stepmom and mom would put my sister and me between them. Lies were spread, and I was not sure what to believe. My stepmom started to be more controlling and abusive while my dad did not do anything about it. My half-brother was born when I was in the fifth grade. He was a bundle of joy and he was my life. I loved being around him because he was a distraction from everything going on around me. Eventually it seemed like I was raising him because I watched him all the time. I did not do much outside of home because I would feel guilty if I was not watching him.
I entered high school without my best friend, which made the transition hard. I started starving myself so I could control something in my life. The more I was stressed, the less I would eat. I counted calories and kept the totals. I only felt good about myself if the numbers got lower. My stepmom found out and called my friends to told them I was a liar and that I was a pig. I was devastated. She made me feel horrible about myself for it. Because starving was no longer an option, I learned how to make myself throw up. I wanted to be able to control the stress and it was not enough. Things were getting harder at home and I could not handle it, so I started cutting near the end of my freshman year.
My parent’s fights at home were more frequent and my dad started becoming depressed. He lost his job because of his pain killer addiction. He would sometimes leave home threatening to kill himself. I would try and protect my little brother from the fights. I would bring him downstairs so he did not have to experience what was going on. I spent all of my energy on him. Because I could not handle pretending at school I would take Benadryl before school so I could numb myself and make it through the day. I never knew what the condition of my house would be when I got home.
March 31, 2010, was both a day of happiness and a day of complete, utter sorrow. That day I gained a father, but also lost one. I never thought a simple phone call could turn my life around so much. Days before, I left on vacation with my mom, sister and soon to be stepdad. The day was full of beauty. My mom’s wedding had the gorgeous mountains of Tennessee in the background. Her wedding dress fit perfectly and she just shone with joy. This moment could only be described in one word: bliss. I was soon brought horribly back into a different state of emotions. We received the phone call while we were out at dinner celebrating; it was about five o’clock at night. I only remembered two things about the call. One was barely being able to make out my stepmom saying, “Stefani, I’m sorry and I love you.” She was sobbing uncontrollably and was stuttering her words. The second thing was that my dad was gone. After letting the news sink in a little bit, we had to try and gain enough composure to walk back into the restaurant to grab our belongings and pay for our barely eaten meals.
One of my friends from high school offered to allow me to live at her house so I could complete my sophomore year before moving to Muskegon, and I was surprised when my mom agreed. Going back to school was hard and people did not know how to treat me. My grades were really bad for my last semester.
I had to get a restraining order against my stepmom because she was threatening to show up where I was living and was calling me constantly. The summer after my sophomore year I experimented with marijuana, prescription drug abuse, alcohol and smoking. I tried everything I could to make the hurt and rejection lesson.
Three months after my dad died I attempted suicide by overdosing and ended up in the hospital. I was in a psychiatric hospital for five days and diagnosed with depression. When I got out of the hospital, I finally had the courage to change churches. I was supposed to be leaving to go to a camp to be a counselor at a Baptist camp, but I was no longer allowed to because I had a “bad testimony”. Because my sister was not there to judge me, I went to Life Change Church for the first time. I knew that she was going to judge me when she came back, but I no longer cared what she thought about it.
My life has changed so much from that point. Looking back I was a complete different person. I found myself running back to my relationship with. Before this all happened I was one of those people just going through the motions of Christianity. Without God I am not sure where I would be today. Those hurts run deep and the void is not something that could easily be filled. Being a follower of Christ means everything to me.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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