Time to leave him, my dear! He’s not your best choice.
Move on!
He didn’t really choose you if he complains that “he couldn’t do what he wanted.” He knows he’s a jerk when he drinks. And he also acts like a jerk when he doesn’t drink.
So, my question is this: why are you wasting your time on an immature, unrepentant drunk? Did a plague sweep over your town and wipe out all of the other men?
hurt is not love…run away
My theory (based on little evidence) is that your boyfriend has troubles in his life. His alcoholism is his way of copying with these problems. Now that he is no longer consuming like he used to, all his problems are resurfacing.
I would encourage your boyfriend to talk about these problems, so that he might become a more positive person.
If he is unwilling to do so, I would recommend you move on. Damaged people have a habit of dragging people down with them.
I agree with all of the above responses. ‘Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.’
Your boyfriend would need a professional help, and unless he himself is willing to improve his life for himself, you don’t support his behavior by staying with him.
Hope it works out good for you and your boyfriend finds the right path, or you find the right guy who treats you well!
Leave him before he beats you sensless in a drunken rage if he drinks to much and cant control himself he shouldnt drink if he said hed stop but didnt well a lepoard never changes its spots you gonna wait until its too late or when your in hospital and guess what hell say he sorry and hell change and guess what he will for a week until he has a drink and breaks your face again
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You need to get out of that abusive relationship right now and stay right out of it. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, and it will only get worse - not better, so cut your losses and move out - lock, stock and barrel and never look back. There are lots of other fish in the pond, you don’t need one that cannot sort itself out. Sorry, but that’s the advice, I would give my sister, if I had one:)
Anonymous
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9 months, 2 weeks ago (21 hours, 45 minutes after post)
He does have a lot of hurt in his life…. from his father being absent in his life being in prison… and when he was around, he was a drunk. An angry one at that. That makes him think ALL he will ever be is JUST LIKE HIS FATHER… and he will END UP like his father… It’s like he doesn’t have the strength to know that He can be whoever he wants….. Although I’m right there telling him. “YOU ARE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE”. yeah our mind set is not the same…. but I’ve never been through what hes been through. I don’t know what all this hurt causes people to do….. Does it mean he doesn’t care?? does it mean he doesn’t know??? does it mean he knows no other way? I don’t understand his feelings. I’m always here to hear him out, I was ask him to tell me what he feels and he says he has but i don’t believe it. and I really just can’t force it out of him…. I don’t want to give up on bettering someone i love so much. but I honestly don’t know what to tell him anymore to make him realize.
Anonymous wrote:
He does have a lot of hurt in his life…. from his father being absent in his life being in prison… and when he was around, he was a drunk. An angry one at that. That makes him think ALL he will ever be is JUST LIKE HIS FATHER… and he will END UP like his father… It’s like he doesn’t have the strength to know that He can be whoever he wants….. Although I’m right there telling him. “YOU ARE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE”. yeah our mind set is not the same…. but I’ve never been through what hes been through. I don’t know what all this hurt causes people to do….. Does it mean he doesn’t care?? does it mean he doesn’t know??? does it mean he knows no other way? I don’t understand his feelings. I’m always here to hear him out, I was ask him to tell me what he feels and he says he has but i don’t believe it. and I really just can’t force it out of him…. I don’t want to give up on bettering someone i love so much. but I honestly don’t know what to tell him anymore to make him realize.
Sorry to say, but for me it sounds like you would suffer from the helpless helper syndrome …
Anonymous wrote:
He does have a lot of hurt in his life…. from his father being absent in his life being in prison… and when he was around, he was a drunk. An angry one at that. That makes him think ALL he will ever be is JUST LIKE HIS FATHER… and he will END UP like his father… It’s like he doesn’t have the strength to know that He can be whoever he wants….. Although I’m right there telling him. “YOU ARE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE”. yeah our mind set is not the same…. but I’ve never been through what hes been through. I don’t know what all this hurt causes people to do….. Does it mean he doesn’t care?? does it mean he doesn’t know??? does it mean he knows no other way? I don’t understand his feelings. I’m always here to hear him out, I was ask him to tell me what he feels and he says he has but i don’t believe it. and I really just can’t force it out of him…. I don’t want to give up on bettering someone i love so much. but I honestly don’t know what to tell him anymore to make him realize.
Sounds like he needs a wake up call. It seems he’s not willing to better himself for his own sake. Maybe he will be willing to do it for you.
I’m not saying you should break up with him to see what happens. That’s immoral.
I’m saying that if he isn’t the person you want him to be, tell him that if you cannot change him, and he cannot change himself, then you’re no longer willing to pursue a relationship with him.
I empathize and sympathize with both of you. It is an extremely difficult position to be in. However, I sincerely feel that you need to take yourself out of this dangerous position - I have known about women who ended up 6 feet under due to the same situation. I would not like that to happen to you or to anyone else.
I am not saying give up on him completely. However, please do remove yourself from his reach till he has got help to deal with his anger and control issues. There is oodles of help out there and if he is interested in correcting the situation he will take it. If not then he does not care enough for your well-being - so then you need to care enough for yourself to realize that you don’t deserve such treatment and gracefully walk away.
I will tell you a true story of a very dear friend who had the same problem. Her husband would bash her every time he had a few drinks. They had 2 beautiful daughters and he was a great person otherwise but the drinks made a monster out of him.
Eventually, upon much persuasion from her family she moved out with the kids and no one would tell him where she was. He sobered up, went for AA meetings and completely stopped drinking. Then after about 3 years when he had proved to the family that he was a changed person, they let him get back in touch with her and they had a beautiful relationship and 3 more beautiful children after that. I don’t know if he ever went back to his old ways as I lost touch with them many years ago. However, I am sure if he did that she would have moved again. Sometimes, this step of your moving away so the other person can’t reach you or locate you - can work miracles. I hope it does that in your case as well. But please give it a chance to make it happen and that can only happen if you completely move away and don’t keep in touch. If he really loves you, somewhere in the recesses of his heart he will realize that he is in the wrong and needs to correct himself and he will do it. All the best.:)
Only a very small percentage of people successfully complete rehabilitative treatment for alcoholism. You need to know this!
Don’t waste your life trying to “help” someone who doens’t want to help himself.
Life is too short to throw it away on unappreciative people.
Zirbel
The Sherlockian
♥ Fairytale ♥
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pryia
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RituAnand