relationship help: Is it jealousy, or just feeling left out?

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Is it jealousy, or just feeling left out?

My siblings and I are all adult. Our parents are retired. All of my sisters have gone on vacations with my mother, but I’ve never been invited, even when I mentioned that I’d like to go. She vacations almost every summer. All of my nieces and nephews have been on trips with her, but not my own children. They have been to all the places and done all the things that I’ve dreamed of doing. My mom also visits my siblings at their houses, and has never visited me at my house. Two of my sisters live farther away from her than I do, and those are the two that she visits most frequently.

I don’t like this feeling that I have - I don’t know if I am feeling unreasonably jealous, or if it is justified, but either way there isn’t really anything I can do to change the situation. It has been this way for twenty years or more. I just don’t want to feel this way when I look at their family vacation photos and see that there are none of me and my children.

Other than this one thing, my parents are great. They treated me well as a child, and usually provide emotional support when I need it. I think my mother is embarassed to be seen with us - my oldest son is developmentally delayed and acts much younger than his age, though he looks perfectly normal. (Yes, I sometimes wish he looked different so people wouldn’t assume he is just badly behaved.) And I don’t care one bit about fashion and do not have a lot of money so I don’t dress nearly as well as my mother or sisters.

So how can I get past this? How can I continue to have a good relationship with my parents and siblings without feeling jealous?

This open post was written 9 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 720, 8, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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The Sherlockian 38 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 2 weeks ago (15 minutes after post)

I would invite you to sit down with your mother and just ask her why you have been left out.

I sense, however, that it as you suspected: your developmentally delayed son may be more than she feels she can handle.

I have a cousin who has a 21-year-old autistic son. He can be a handful.

Perhaps you mother doesn’t feel that you have the control over your son that you should. It may be time to hash out these issues. And maybe your other siblings pay their own way . . . were you expecting to be taken along for free?

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Anonymous #
9 months, 2 weeks ago (32 minutes after post)

The Sherlockian wrote:
And maybe your other siblings pay their own way . . . were you expecting to be taken along for free?

They pay part of their own way. Even if I can’t afford to go, I’d like to be invited. My children and I do go on driving trips from time to time, and that is what my mom is doing. It isn’t that I don’t go on enough trips, it is that I don’t get invited to go on family trips.

I’d also like her to accept my invitation to my house, even just once. I invite her at least a few times a year, and she has never visited. I live three hours from my parents. My youngest sister lives five hours from them, and they visit her three or four times per year. My oldest sister lives 20 hours away from them, and they visit her every 2-3 years. The rest of my siblings live in the same town as my parents.

My son is usually well behaved, but just acts like child. He is a teenager. For example, he plays with toys, talks or hums to himself, jumps around, wants to play on playgrounds when we are near one. I’m not talking about bad stuff, although rarely he does shout. He is actually the more obedient of my two sons.

Anonymous #
9 months, 2 weeks ago (40 minutes after post)

It is possible that my parents don’t like my husband because he is non-white, but he wouldn’t be going on these road trips anyway. He doesn’t like to travel. Usually my sisters leave their husbands at home when they go on these trips. Sometimes they bring their children and other times they don’t. I don’t think my oldest brother has been on any road trips, though his daughter has been on many. My youngest brother has been on a few trips, and he has no wife or children.

Anyway, I never got invited even before I married my current husband, and my first husband was a white guy and my kids are white, so skin color probably isn’t the problem.

Maybe she just doesn’t like me all that much.

pryia 0 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 2 weeks ago (1 hour, 7 minutes after post)

It is a shame that you are being left out of these family trips. How do you get along with your siblings? If your parents don’t want to give you a reason for leaving you out, maybe some of your siblings can explain. Do you visit each other without your parents?

I have just one brother, but my mother always preferred him. I never got any support wether emotional, financial or otherwise. He gets it all. But when my daughter was born, she was very proud grandmother and she does like her and supports her with money, and my daughter goes to her house for the summer.

Hope you can mend your family relationship!

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theskelton #
An Unknown Location | 7 months, 2 weeks ago (2 months after post)

Gosh, I can relate to this. I think sometimes we have to just let sleeping dogs lie and get on with our own lives even if we feeling upset.

I have two sisters, both younger than me, who I get along with very well when I am with them, but they rarely invite me, or include me in their get-togethers. Individually they do, but not together. We always have loads of laughs and fun, but I always feel a little on the outer.

On my 50th my dear daughter shouted one sister a flight, so she could attend a lunch she had arranged that my husband was paying for …. all girlfriends and my two sisters. The plan was that she also stay with us at our house, but she ended up staying with my other sister. I felt very hurt about this, more for my daughter’s sake as she had gone to so much trouble.

These sorts of things seem to happen all the time. I find it quite weird and feel awkward talking about it to them. I really don’t understand the situation at all.

I dislike confrontation of any kind, so I guess it is something I am just going to have to live with. I don’t think it’s a feeling of jealousy that I have, it’s more feelings of hurt and a sense of being left out.

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bebekitty00 #
An Unknown Location | 1 week, 1 day ago (9 months, 1 week after post)

Post a reply - I experience the same thing with my family. I eventually just stopped sharing anything about my life with them. - You’re not imagining it, and there’s nothing you can do about except try and minimize the damage to yourself. They won’t change. Trust me.

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Is it jealousy, or just feeling left out?

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