This post left anonymously
My boyfriend broke up with me and I feel really bad
We were together for almost 6 years. We always had a rocky, difficult relationship, because he had jealousy issues with me, due to my past (for the record my past wasn’t too awful, but for him it was difficult to accept). I endured many things, for years (name calling, controlling, isolation from friends, etc.). I understood it was because he didn’t know how to deal with his emotions, and that he was suffering, so I tried to help him as much as I could to make him happy. But then there was a moment in which enough was enough and I broke up with him, and didn’t take him back until he showed he’d change. He did… but he also relapsed from time to time and the problems continued, but not as terribly… he trusted me a bit more, but only a little, and he was still really critical about me (he’s critical about everyone, though).
The thing is we didn’t have each other on Facebook, because that only caused unnecessary trouble. Anyway, sometimes when we’d fight I’d write some stuff on Facebook to get feelings off my chest, never direct things, but things that were related to what I was feeling. Since I knew he wouldn’t read them I thought it was ok. I don’t know how, but now he found out about every thing I wrote! I don’t know if he hacked me, if he hacked one of my friends or if a friend in common told him. He won’t tell me, he says it doesn’t matter now that he knows the truth and doesn’t want anything to do with me. Fair enough, I did screw up, I get it, I apologized and told him I understand that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
But now I feel awful because he’s suffering, and it’s all my fault. I told my friends about what happened and they told me not to, because he has been way worse towards me, with the name calling, extreme jealousy and control issues. That it’s karma, blah, blah. That he deserves it. But even though they’re right, he has put me through a lot of bad things (even just a few days ago he was criticizing me and saying some awful things) I can’t help but feel really terrible about hurting him… so now I miss him and I’m sad that we’re over, and I also feel awful because he’s suffering and I basically tricked him into thinking everything was fine, but now he feels humilliated by the things I wrote on Facebook (like I said, nothing was direct and no one probably gets that those things were about him, but I get that he feels humilliated). He’s disappointed in me, and I’m disappointed about who I’ve become. This is tough and I don’t really know how to move on.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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