I think you should hang out with friends, and try to keep busy. If you have been separated from him for years, it is time for you to move on with your life. Try putting yourself out there.
It has been about a week of complete seperation and a month or so of slowly letting go and both of us realizing it will never work. I try to hang with friends and keep busy and it seems to help but it seems when nightime comes I am overwhelmed with grief and memories…
I’m so sorry. You must stay busy. Try volunteering, joining clubs, anything to occupy your mind.
thanks. I’ll try.. and my other problem is that we had been so close that everything I do or see reminds me of him..sometimes I want to tell him something and realize he is gone… and he didnt even end things right… he just blocked all forms of communication from me. So for that I hold resentment towards him, that he couldnt even care for me enough to be a man about it.
I understand. You have something to be angry about, use that to help yourself get over him. When things remind you of him, don’t get sad, try to let go of whatever it is carefully and consciously. It will happen a lot, and you’ll hopefully get good at letting all of the things that remind you of him slide right off peacefully.
He chose his culture over you. He flunked the test of love. He proved himself unworthy of being your husband.
You deserve so much better than this guy. Wish I could have you meet the Air Force guy in another post!
@verge… Yes, I will try that. ANd when my mind is busy its not too hard but I guess the feeling of missing him will fade with time :/ And I dunno why it depressed me to think that days will turn to weeks into months into years :(
@the sherlockian… yeahhh, he was very into his culture(he was armenian) but he had no problem that I wasnt… but his family did and he chose his family over me… but I suppose that is fine, I jus wish he had taken a different approach seeing as I gave him everything…
@sherlockian as someone from a culture that encourages marrying within, it’s typically because those people have been heavily prosecuted, and are concerned about the continuation of their heritage.
And it’ll be alright, Yaalbi. I know you know you’re strong, but time will make everything easiar on you, just try to look at it like the hardest part is over and everything will just keep getting better.
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It takes time. There is no magic cure and there is no easy road. Just take it one day after another, and one day it will stop hurting so much.
Yeah, time is really the only thing that helps. This is probably the most useless thing to hear while you’re still hurting but one day you will be able to look back and wonder how it was that you could ever have felt that way before. It gets better everyday as long as you let it. Set your intention on getting better and not feeling so miserable and you’ll see things start to change, but over time. You cant go one day but in like, a month, you’ll be surprised how much your feeling towards that person has evolved.
You have to REALLY want it to be something else though or you’ll be stuck in that misery indefinitely.
aiphgepri wrote:
@sherlockian as someone from a culture that encourages marrying within, it’s typically because those people have been heavily prosecuted, and are concerned about the continuation of their heritage.
And it’ll be alright, Yaalbi. I know you know you’re strong, but time will make everything easiar on you, just try to look at it like the hardest part is over and everything will just keep getting better.
I know . . . but love must transcend culture if it is true love!
You clearly don’t know what it’s like to see your culture disintegrate. Romantasizing aside, what he did is entirely understandable. Yaalbi is the one who now eill accept and move on, and that’s not done by questioning his integrity, but letting her accept the situation for what it is.
The Sherlockian wrote:
aiphgepri wrote:
@sherlockian as someone from a culture that encourages marrying within, it’s typically because those people have been heavily prosecuted, and are concerned about the continuation of their heritage.
And it’ll be alright, Yaalbi. I know you know you’re strong, but time will make everything easiar on you, just try to look at it like the hardest part is over and everything will just keep getting better.
I know . . . but love must transcend culture if it is true love!
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what is your culture aiphgepri?
Yes, I am accepting and moving on.. I think I will always remember him and the lessons I have learned with him… I wish he would have appreciated me more not just as our relationship but in the fact that I am a person with feelings and he ddnt end things right..
ohhh, and he didn’t do it for cultural reasons..he didn’t care that we weren’t the same….he did it because his family didn’t accept it and he didn’t want to go against his family.
Well, yaalbi, that’s what I call “cultural.” His family decides for him!
Europeans were once like that . . . Americans, too. But we changed. We respect our families, but we do not allow them to dictate how we are to live our lives.
We came to believe that love is something that we have to find for ourselves–our parents cannot hand it to us on a silver platter. And we came to believe that love was more important than keeping money in the family or building family alliances.
I return to my original point: true love conquers all. This guy did not deserve you–he is not capable of a true love!
verge
The Sherlockian
aiphgepri
Dragon_Lady
Zirbel
seasonsoflove7