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I have been dating a girl for almost a year now, things
are okay, however in the past months I can’t help but to think all the time about an other girl, a co-worker. I haven’t done a move, ocasionally we talk, she always smiles to me, and she has even asked me to lunch several times until I told her I have somebody. We are sorta friends, she wants to know me better, I keep a distance. What should I do, I can’t stop thinking about her, but I also have a girlfriend. I have decided to be even more distant, yet I can’t keep her out of my thoughts.
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It is flattering for having someone other than your significant other to lull you all over. At the end the co-worker is just another girl/woman and a year from now if you’d dated her you would find someone else who would be more exciting than her. The grass is always greener on the other side……………..yeah right! If you are happy with your current girlfriend, stay with her.
Maybe you’re reading too much into this other girl. You want it to be something it’s not. Either way, if you can’t give your girlfriend enough respect to not flirt with other people then maybe it’s best you break up with her. Did something change in the relationship? Are you bored?
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 2 weeks ago (1 hour, 57 minutes after post)
You need to chose. Do you want to end up hurting your girlfriend over some other girl you work with?
I would offer the following observations:
1. It’s usually a bad idea to date someone from work. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it never works out, and you feel uncomfortable when you see each other.
2. You know nothing about this other girl . . . but she is “right there” and you feel a need to “claim” her before some other guy in the workplace does. For all you know, she could have done several boyfriends wrong.
3. You’re not sufficiently focused in on your present girlfriend; it seems you haven’t taken your relationship to the next stage, i.e., an engagement. Why not?
4. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Choose carefully. My own bet is that if you drop your girlfriend for this girl, you will wind up with nobody.
Thanks guys for all your responses and advices.
@be a gal: My relationship is just a series of dates seemingly leading nowhere else. I am not saying I am complaining, neither of us wants more. My girlfriend asked me to take things really slow, and I have a very bad experience as well, a broken engagement in the past, I am not saying that it influences me, but that taking things extremely slow is a good idea. I enjoy our dates, and I can honestly say almost each is like the first one, so the excitement of the new is there, and I am anxious to see hereach time like a teenager. So I could say, yeah at the moment I am happy with her, and I have no intention of leaving her.
@seasonsoflove7: I complete agree with you about the respect part. I wouldn’t call what I am doing flirting, as I am not willingly. My point is and was, that I can’t help thinking about this other girl. I don’t talk about wanting to date her, or cheat on my girlfriend, only that she keeps popping up in my head like a yo-yo, to the point that it ashames and bothers me even. Be assured I am correct enough to respect somebody I care for, and tell her if anything is wrong, or I want to end this.
@allthemessylove: No, of course not.
@ Sherlockian: (nice username BTW):
2. Actually I know her pretty well, she is pretty friendly, and communicative, we could be very good and close friends, I am certain of it. It’s not that I am guessing or hoping, I know this, only that I am afraid to get closer to her, I might fall in love, if not already, and I have a relationship I don’t want to end, and out of respect for my gf, I have to keep a distance.
3. You might be true. In this case, my friend, engagement is so far away, it might never happen. Now you gave me a lot to think about.
4. Oh, yes it is.
Anyway, mostly because I feel guilty for feeling that I neglect my girlfriend I started to plan a weekend trip for two of us away from town. On the other hand yesterday night the other girl called me to discuss some details about work, (nothing suspicious here, we do that all the time, sorta have to) and I ended up talking with her for almost two hours, about little nothings in general, I never manage to talk that much with my gf. It seems I am doomed :) Anyways, I don’t intend to make a move, or date her, or leave my gf, or anything, I admit, I would even be scared to make a move, yet I ended up waking up smiling this morning because of the other girl, and the talk we had. See my problem? I don’t want to, yet I keep thinking of her. Anyway I intend to keep our interactions to a necessary minimum, and focus on my gf. Maybe the weekend will help. Thanks guys for the support again, I can’t talk about this with my friends, they are way too ‘guys’ if you get what I mean. :)
If you don’t see your relationship with your present girlfriend leading to an engagement, then I suggest that you disengage with her. Otherwise, it would be most unfair to her. She probably thinks that it IS headed toward an engagement.
Yes, many things to think about!
Nah, it is not that I don’t see an engagement, neither does she. A while back I suggested we move together, she was against the idea. On those rare occasions I wanted to talk about a future she would just say, let’s don’t rush, we have plenty of time. Well, I am over 30, phisycally at least, if not mentally.:)) She is 24.I slowly can’t see the remaining time as ‘plenty’, yet I am not complaining, me and my gf we get along very well, and… I do want to have a marriage eventually, if not right now, before I turn 35. It’s not really linked to the age, or maybe it is, but if before I was against children, the idea of having my own kid doesn’t sound so terrible now. Now, you made me think again, as I am just reading what I wrote, maybe I just should try to deepen the relationship to see where it leads. To be very true, I didn’t pressure her, to move in with me and such, to not scare her away. I can understand the ‘don’t rush things’ part. I just realized now, that the girl from the office keeps talking about her nieces all the time, while my gf doesn’t really like children.
Distance yourself from the woman at work. You don’t have to be cold but keep in mind that the relationship is strictly professional. There’s nothing wrong with clicking with someone once in a while, because it will happen, but not to the extent where you hurt everyone else around you. Your girlfriend may want to move slow because she’s young and there are things that she wants to do before “settling down”. Is the child thing a big thing? You said you don’t mind having a child, is your girlfriend against that?
Nah, I can wait with the child thing and everything. She is not against it, but not a big fan either. Like most of this serious relationship things she doesn’t like to talk about them. Thanks for the advices anyways, I will just wait and see what time brings about. I will keep the relationship with my office friend professional, I have decided that the fact that I like her a lot, does not mean anything as long as I am faithful to my gf, and believe in her, and I do. I started to believe that sometimes a man has to look at the greener grass on the other side of the fence, as Sherlockian said, to start to appreciate his own lawn better.
Try to get oyur girlfriend to be more comfortable speaking to you about the serious relationship things. If you guys are going for success and longevity you must be able to communicate with your partner. Lol that sounds so psychologist but what’s the point of being with someone if you aren’t comfortable enough to talk to each other about anything and everything?
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