boyfriend help: Would it be mean of me to not get my boyfriend anything big or - Help.com

how long have you been dating?

A year and a half.

If I wanted to get him something nice, I would, regardless of what he gave me. If you aren’t interested in giving him something, don’t, if you are, do.

I just, I don’t know I want to get him something nice and amazing. But I feel like I’ll hold it against him for not getting me anything for mine. And I don’t know if that’s selfish of me. I feel like it is but it also really hurt not even that I didn’t get anything from him, mostly because he didn’t see me on mine and he acted like it was no big deal. Maybe I’m being selfish.

that’s kind’a lame. if his family doesn’t celebrate than they don’t celebrate. if you felt like your bday(or bdays in general) are a big deal, did you tell him so? if you did and he still gave you nothing… obviously they’re not a big deal for him either. in that case he won’t feel bad if you also give him nothing(since he’s used to it). if you DO however, he’ll just think you’re nice, yet won’t necessarily return the favor next yr(and so on). i don’t get why anyone ‘exchanges’ gifts. if you want to give someone something it should be because you want to, regardless of what they may(or may not do) for you. if you’re simply giving to get something back, i think that totally defeats the purpose.

Anonymous wrote:
I just, I don’t know I want to get him something nice and amazing. But I feel like I’ll hold it against him for not getting me anything for mine. And I don’t know if that’s selfish of me. I feel like it is but it also really hurt not even that I didn’t get anything from him, mostly because he didn’t see me on mine and he acted like it was no big deal. Maybe I’m being selfish.

If you feel like getting him something nice will cause resentment, definitely don’t get it. Just give him whatever you are comfortable with. Lots of people don’t make big deals out of birthdays, maybe you could try to get into that mentality if it would be helpful to your relationship.

Get him something and worst case scenario, he feels bad about not getting you something. (That isn’t so bad!)
Or, don’t get him something and you will feel bad about it. I vote get him something, but not something over the top and not something too small. Maybe shoes?

Well if he doesn’t feel a celebration is necessary then he won’t be offended. Then again, he may “get the hint” because it’s out of your character. It really just comes down to if you would rather find a middle, push your life style onto him, or vise versa.

Dfeeds wrote:
Well if he doesn’t feel a celebration is necessary then he won’t be offended. Then again, he may “get the hint” because it’s out of your character. It really just comes down to if you would rather find a middle, push your life style onto him, or vise versa.

Yeah I understand, I’ve been trying to find a middle ground to everything. Like I got him a valentines gift and I kinda wanted one but I got over not getting anything.

I’m not trying to push my life style onto him or anything, but I’d love a middle but I feel like a good majority of the time he sees EVERYTHING his way and only his way. And it’s frustrating because I do love him and I do want to be with him but then again I can’t change my entire self.

I don’t know. Like I guess getting him something small would be best as opposed to going all out like I wanted to, lol.

If you plan to have a long-term relationship with him, you should discuss this with him and arrive at a mutually agreeable compromise. Meanwhile, don’t go overboard on his birthday, just get him something small, practical, and nice if you feel like it, or just good birthday wishes if you don’t feel like buying anything.

Perhaps he just fails to see your point of view. You feel wronged because, in your life style, it’s considered insulting when someone blows off your birthday. For him, blowing off a birthday is normal. Where as you getting him a gift is viewed as a good gesture, but nothing more.

Have you actually talked to him about any of this?

Dfeeds wrote:
Perhaps he just fails to see your point of view. You feel wronged because, in your life style, it’s considered insulting when someone blows off your birthday. For him, blowing off a birthday is normal. Where as you getting him a gift is viewed as a good gesture, but nothing more.

Have you actually talked to him about any of this?

Yeah I’ve said things to him before about it. But apparently he either just doesn’t care or just doesn’t think its’ necessary I guess. I mean, yeah he doesn’t have a lot of money but I told him to give me a painting of his for mine that he keeps shoved in his familys garage. Even a stupid card he made out of paper and pen. Like maybe it’s just not his nature to be thoughtful or maybe he really doesn’t love me.

A good majority of the time a lot of what I say doesn’t really seem to affect the way he is anyway.

If you have been dating this bird for a year and a half, and he didn’t acknowledge your birthday at all . . . imagine what being married to such a oaf would be like. He’d never acknowledge an anniversary–and he’d probably forget Christmas as well.

He’s a boor. Drop him!

The Sherlockian wrote:
If you have been dating this bird for a year and a half, and he didn’t acknowledge your birthday at all . . . imagine what being married to such a oaf would be like. He’d never acknowledge an anniversary–and he’d probably forget Christmas as well.

He’s a boor. Drop him!

He sent me a text message. haha. But still yeah that’s kinda what I’ve been thinking like, I would never get anything. And I don’t need expensive items. But it would be sweet once in a while to get anything from him. He’s told me once before I’m materialistic for wanting things.

So I don’t know. I’ve been really just rethinking our relationship after my birthday.

Does he do anything else to indicate his affection towards you? He must have considering it’s been over a year.

Anonymous wrote:

The Sherlockian wrote:
If you have been dating this bird for a year and a half, and he didn’t acknowledge your birthday at all . . . imagine what being married to such a oaf would be like. He’d never acknowledge an anniversary–and he’d probably forget Christmas as well.

He’s a boor. Drop him!

He sent me a text message. haha. But still yeah that’s kinda what I’ve been thinking like, I would never get anything. And I don’t need expensive items. But it would be sweet once in a while to get anything from him. He’s told me once before I’m materialistic for wanting things.

So I don’t know. I’ve been really just rethinking our relationship after my birthday.

I found that very weird as well.
It doesn’t make you materislitic to want something for your birthday. It makes you normal. I mean, you’ve been dating him for a year. I thought you were going to say a month or something.

He doesn’t care about the feelings of others. Any normal MAN knows that he should honor his girlfriend of 1.5 years on her birthday. This guy is out to lunch emotionally. Not even a card? Not even taking you out for a hot dog? The guy’s a boor. He doesn’t deserve a decent woman. Let him get himself a dog for companionship!

The Sherlockian wrote:
He doesn’t care about the feelings of others. Any normal MAN knows that he should honor his girlfriend of 1.5 years on her birthday. This guy is out to lunch emotionally. Not even a card? Not even taking you out for a hot dog? The guy’s a boor. He doesn’t deserve a decent woman. Let him get himself a dog for companionship!

For a while I’ve just written it off as it’s his lame behavior because he’s two years younger than me.
But that’s not really an excuse when it’s someone you’ve been dating over a year.
Maybe this is part of the reason I’m his longest relationship. And maybe I just put up with people a little too much. Or fall in love with all the wrong ones. I don’t know anymore.

You sound vindictive.
“he didn’t get me a present so i won’t get him one….”

You give presents as a gift. You receive them the same way. If you give something expecting something better in return it tarnishes the gift you give big time.

Look deep down on what your intentions should be and act accordingly.

Yeah I mean I know it does sound like oh I’m not getting you anything because you didn’t.

But I buy him things all of the time. And maybe it’s my fault for doing so because I never get anything and I tell myself that I don’t care but on some occasions I do care. And maybe he just doesn’t feel the need to spoil the person he’s dating because he feels love is enough. Maybe that’s it.

Perhaps he feels that you only know how to show your love through gifts and is trying to send you a message? He did call you materialistic.

Yeah he called me that at valentines day because I got mad he didn’t get me a card then. And maybe that was wrong of me. Maybe I am a little bit materialistic. And it’s not even like I need anything. So maybe I am being selfish. I probably am.