boyfriend help: How can you tell if your boyfriend is thinking about ending the relationship? - Help.com

Actions speak louder than words. How has he been acting toward you?

So the problem is that you suspecting that your boyfriend wants to end the reslationship? but that’s not a problem compare to your boyfriend ending the relationship. so why are you so anxious to potentially bring a big problem by solving a small problem?

The Sherlockian wrote:
Actions speak louder than words. How has he been acting toward you?

Ditto, it depends on what he’s been doing to raise suspicion.

Well…hm. Our relationship has changed over the course of the year, which I expected — the honeymoon period (as extended as it was) has ended, and we are sort of in the meat of our relationship now (or the tofu, as it were…). But we have also had some difficult conversations about where the relationship is going and our differences (we are in some ways very different, and he is also looking more to settle down, whereas I am not there yet). So it has been a little rocky.

In general, I guess the difference is that he doesn’t always seem as excited to hang out, and doesn’t always reach out to me — I almost feel like I’m doing more of the reaching out now. But it might just be me being overly sensitive. He still plans fun things for us to do — we just had our one year anniversary, and even though I said I didn’t want anything big, he arranged to take me to my favorite veggie restaurant that has live music performances, and then we went out to our favorite brunch place for breakfast the next morning. And we’re planning a trip to Maine next weekend, and he has already rented the car etc.

It just feels like he is less excited about it, or less into it. But he is also having a hard time right now (he had to go through surgery for the eighth time a few weeks ago, and it makes his life a lot harder). I wonder if maybe I’m being unfair by reading into it as a reflection of how he feels about the relationship. I’m trying to take care of him, help him out with stuff around the house, and make things easier for him. I just don’t know!! He just isn’t good about talking about his emotions, and so sometimes I feel like I have no idea what’s going on in his head or what he actually wants to do.

Does that make any sense at all? Can you think of a way I could ask him what’s going on without “potentially bringing a big problem by solving a small problem”, especially considering that he isn’t so good about talking about his emotions?

Anonymous wrote:
Well…hm. Our relationship has changed over the course of the year, which I expected — the honeymoon period (as extended as it was) has ended, and we are sort of in the meat of our relationship now (or the tofu, as it were…). But we have also had some difficult conversations about where the relationship is going and our differences (we are in some ways very different, and he is also looking more to settle down, whereas I am not there yet). So it has been a little rocky.

In general, I guess the difference is that he doesn’t always seem as excited to hang out, and doesn’t always reach out to me — I almost feel like I’m doing more of the reaching out now. But it might just be me being overly sensitive. He still plans fun things for us to do — we just had our one year anniversary, and even though I said I didn’t want anything big, he arranged to take me to my favorite veggie restaurant that has live music performances, and then we went out to our favorite brunch place for breakfast the next morning. And we’re planning a trip to Maine next weekend, and he has already rented the car etc.

It just feels like he is less excited about it, or less into it. But he is also having a hard time right now (he had to go through surgery for the eighth time a few weeks ago, and it makes his life a lot harder). I wonder if maybe I’m being unfair by reading into it as a reflection of how he feels about the relationship. I’m trying to take care of him, help him out with stuff around the house, and make things easier for him. I just don’t know!! He just isn’t good about talking about his emotions, and so sometimes I feel like I have no idea what’s going on in his head or what he actually wants to do.

Does that make any sense at all? Can you think of a way I could ask him what’s going on without “potentially bringing a big problem by solving a small problem”, especially considering that he isn’t so good about talking about his emotions?

Most man are not very good when it comes to talking over emotions.
From what you describe he needs you near him - not to talk about what he going through - just be with him.
I don’t think he has any plans to break the relationship and I don’t think he is even considering it, he is slightly in stress and he probably thinking about the future and you probably sensing that.
you named him boyfriend and you also mentioned honeymoon - but I understand you are not married. is it possible you have an issue with getting married - is that somthing you fear from? is it possible that everything is ok in a relationship after many not so good relationships and that make you develope some kind of over protective emotion to this relationship ?

So… you’ve been married for a year any he isn’t sure if he wants to settle down? It sounds to me like you guys may have gotten married too fast…
Either way it sounds like your reading too much into it. He may just be down on his luck and be feeling poopy because of the surgery and such. Men typically are stone walls when it comes to expressing emotions and feelings. Short of him actually saying “I feel..” you’ll never really know.

Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to be confusing! I meant honeymoon period quite figuratively — we’re definitely not married!! We’ve been dating for a year, and I’M not sure if I am ready to settle down and get married yet, but he is thinking more about that (he’s older than I am).

I think for now I’ll just focus on the present and being there for him during this difficult time, and allow things to run their course.

Thanks!