I sympathise. But sometimes we need medication. as long as you can talk, ie you don’t become so depressed talk is impossible, a good counsellor can help. Therapy may have less side effects and you aren’t filling your body with chemicals. But sometimes you just need drugs. I am currently on a low dose to promote deep sleep but side effects can be frightening and horrible. I sympathise, but if without the drugs you would harm yourself and others then you must take them.
You could try seeing the drugs in a different way. I mean many people eat and drink “health” foods and “sport enhancing” drinks which are nothing of the kind. A lot ofhealth breakfast serials have dangerous levels of salt. Even fruit juice from natural fruits is too concentrated to really be healthy.
So, by analogy, you need not see your drugs as poisons. We eat and drink many poisonous substances we think of as healthy, so you could re imagine your drugs as health suppliments.
But really the issue may be negative thoughts about yourself. Negative comparisons with others who appear not to take drugs. But how many drink alcohol to regulate their mood or pot or cocaine?
You are taking positive steps to help yourself. Keep a dialogue going with your doctor or psychiatrist to elp you through the bad times. Meanwhile reach for thos mood enhancing healthy suppliments!