I’ve been offered a job in another state.
And, to tell you the truth, I’m very tempted to take it. However, the thing is… my boyfriend works there as well, as a manager. Our store is… hell. Our new boss is crazy, and can’t speak english. Not only are the sales declining, but as soon as we get more people, they quit. It’s a horrible place, and deliverance from that as well as this stupid, rotting city is exactly the bailout we were looking for. However, he has all these loans to pay off still around here, not to mention our relationship is shaky in the first place. He’s ten years older than I, and I’m nineteen now. We’ve been together for almost seven months. I left my last boyfriend for him, who I dated exactly a year. It always ends up that no one is who you think they are. On the surface, he’s always a cheery, nutty guy, but when he comes home, even though I know it’s been a hard day and I try to have patience and understanding, I still feel like… I’m still floundering for a foothold in the endless rockface of my life. So, since they promoted him, he’s there in the morning, me at night, so I almost never see him. When I do, I just want to… snuggle up and enjoy the tiny sliver of time we have. But movies, books about movies, magazines, video games, constant input from the world outside intervenes, and I’m left feeling so empty. Just like I did when I was with Dalton. Eventually, he stopped listening to me, and would just interrupt every single thing I said. Now even Neil doesn’t listen to me, because everything I say doesn’t matter. I’m just a child. I want to so badly to matter to someone. I want to be free to be myself, instead of hearing how much ICP sucks or how played-out Fall Out Boy is. Everyone around me, my boss, my mom, my boyfriend, tells me I can do nothing right. So maybe this chance to finally run and leave them all behind is what I need to take. To be free and guiltless. But I can’t. Because there’s those times when Neil does love me, when he means it and he’s happy, that I live for. Although they’re few and far between, they’re what keep me going. I can’t imagine a life outside, knowing no one and being alone. But I’m only alone all the time here because Dalton hated all my friends and Neil doesn’t even know them, just categorizes them as scrubs and thieves, says don’t bring them here. Well I pay a ton of rent too, and I’m helping you get by, and if I leave who will help you? No one. Why don’t you appreciate what I do for you? Why don’t you realize I’m not as old as you are? I’m not stupid, I’m just young. If you recall, that’s a thing. I’m trying to grow up but with all of this pushing me down, it’s hard to control. So I guess I just really… want to leave. But when it gets to the lowest, I find the silver linings of all this, and I’m happy. In the words of Jack White, I could stay a while, but sooner or later I’ll break your smile.
Since writing this post SxCLuvsThaD may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. SxCLuvsThaD is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 5 months and has 6 posts and 8 replies to their name.
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