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I’m having a hard time getting over my feelings for her
I am absolutely crazy about my best friend. Me and her have known each other for a relatively short time in comparison to my other friends but became very close very quickly. I trust her implicitly and she’s the one I go to if I have a problem, and I’m the first one she comes to if she needs help. As soon as I met her I fell for her, hard. I mean head over heels in love. Before I could really make a move she ended up going out with one of my best friends from high school. I knew then I could never be with her, yet I still caught myself thinking ‘maybe someday’, I know this is wrong and I shouldn’t think this, I mean the dude she went out with has been a good friend for 6-7 years.
So I tried to repress my feelings, without ever facing them or trying to get over them. They recently broke up, a break up I was in the middle of because I’m the guy they both come to first if they have a problem. I helped them as best I could, but it was rough seeing the girl I am so crazy about so upset. It also brought up some other issues and I couldn’t really repress my feelings for her and I couldn’t really hide them anymore. I didn’t come straight out and tell her, but she reads me like an open book so she knew something was wrong. We talked about it, and I guess it took her straight up telling me something I guess I already kind of knew, that she just didn’t see me that way, to finally face my feelings and try to accept the fact nothing will ever happen.
Well the past few weeks have been torture. I have trying so hard to get over my feelings but it hurts so much to know and try to accept that the most amazing, beautiful girl I’ve ever met will never love me back and it’s damned hard to tell myself every day that she feels noting for me, and never will. I’ve been in near constant pain and heartache since our little talk, and I’m sick and tired of it, I want to be over this. I’m also catching myself thinking things I know I really shouldn’t like ‘What is wrong with me, Am I so terrible that she truly has no romantic feelings for me at all?’ and every once in a while I’ll get the ‘maybe one day’ thought I know this is unhealthy thinking and I catch myself when I do think this and stop it.
She knows something is wrong and she knows I’ve been feeling pretty down and she wants to get together and talk about it. She’s my closest and most trusted friend but I’m hesitant to bring this up with her, lest it messes with our friendship, a friendship I value above all others. I’m not sure exactly what I’ll do; I’ll figure that out when I get there I guess.
Sorry, I know this a long and perhaps at points nonsensical, but my main question I guess would be ‘How do I get over my feeling for her? How do I break the pattern of the last few torturous weeks?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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