boyfriend help: Boy help please? - Help.com

Try to ACT, my dear! Be proactive — for the one or the other (your gut feeling should tell you which one).
 
“How to Find True Love”:
http://thinksimplenow.com/relationshi…

“How to Find a Boyfriend”:
http://www.ivillage.com/how-find-boyf…

“How to Date”:
http://www.wikihow.com/Date
 
“Surviving the First Date”:
http://www.forbeginners.info/dating/f…

“Tips to De-Stress The First Date”:
http://www.dately.com/first-dates.htm

“The Best Questions For A First Date”:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the…

“Top 10 First Date Rules for Women”:
http://labho.com/top-10-first-date-ru…

I would think that maybe they both like you and would like to get to know you more, but, may be unsure of how to do it. I think if you just give a quick smile and a nod “hello” if they are unsure of your reception of them they will come forward and let you know in due time. In the meanwhile just take it for what it is and always think of your personal safety in situations like these. Predators don’t come with name tags on them, some can be as charming as Ted Bundy.

All I’m trying to say is, “be careful” but be “approachable” and if you decide to go out with either of them, please let someone know and give them addresses, names, phone nos. so that no harm will come to you. In the meanwhile enjoy the attention.:)

Thanks for your reply - but this question wasn’t to find a date. The question was related to reading body language. But thanks anyway :)

RituAnand wrote:
I would think that maybe they both like you and would like to get to know you more, but, may be unsure of how to do it. I think if you just give a quick smile and a nod “hello” if they are unsure of your reception of them they will come forward and let you know in due time. In the meanwhile just take it for what it is and always think of your personal safety in situations like these. Predators don’t come with name tags on them, some can be as charming as Ted Bundy.

All I’m trying to say is, “be careful” but be “approachable” and if you decide to go out with either of them, please let someone know and give them addresses, names, phone nos. so that no harm will come to you. In the meanwhile enjoy the attention.:)

Thanks for your reply! And your advice. I’ll be sure to be safe :)

Can you really rely on gut feelings/ instinct in these situations? Somehow I don’t believe that I’m pretty enough to keep staring at. And then I started thinking, “maybe I have a giant zit on my forehead and didn’t notice”. Do guys really just keep looking back at a girl when they like them?

I was the bloke staring at you…you had a smudge of tomato sauce on your lip, but I couldn’t tell you because I was born a mute. Knowing you probably didn’t understand sign language I decided staring was firmly appropriate :) hope you got it!

right… haha -.-
a. didn’t eat anything tomatoey that day
b. the guy was talking on his cellphone for a good quarter-hour :)

One thing I have learned (over MANY years of experience) is that there are constantly opportunities available to meet interesting people, and both guys and girls look at many people throughout the day, and wonder “hmm?”. That is certainly not ALWAYS the reason someone might be going out of their way to look at you/catch your eye (see confirmed stranger above…:), but that is often the case, and the only way to find out is to respond positively (and safely, as mentioned above).

The point is — initial attraction can happen at any moment, for any reason. It can also easily fade upon closer inspection (talking to the person results in dull conversation, awkward interaction, he reminds you of your brother, you remind them of their weird aunt, etc.), but that’s why you need to follow through to see, on many occasions.

I was around your age before I started having any real romantic involvement with anybody, and I remember (like you) picking apart situations and wondering whether the person might have been interested, and placing a lot of stock on this idea that attraction was a fixed thing, and guys probably weren’t attracted to me because of xyz.

So I would say — you should always just assume that if someone is making an effort to be near you or get your attention, it means that they are interested (in something), and that you are an attractive person (more so when you start to believe it!), and instead should be thinking about whether you feel that initial attraction. Once you are able to accept that, you can move into thinking about how to engage with someone interesting, how to determine how you feel, how to determine if they are
a) a creeper
b) a pickpocket
c) just trying to help you get the sauce off your chin
or d) wondering if you are interesting/fun/a possible date/hook-up/life partner

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:
The question was related to reading body language.

• “How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation”:
http://lifehacker.com/5852572/how-to-…
• “How to Read Your Date’s Body Language”: http://www.ehow.com/how_2918_read-dat…

It’s hard to tell. Body language is often miscommunicated or misinterpreted. And motives are hard to pull by just sight alone without talking to someone. I don’t use body language that people can read easily, so if I was interested, it would be very hard to tell. There are more obvious signs of body language, but I’m pretty sure those you would pick up on. You seem to be a thinker…lol.

In any case, only those guys will know what it means and the only way to find out the truth without speculating is to talk to them or have them talk to you. When you see someone staring at you like that, the simplest thing you can do is wave. If they keep staring, use your body language to counter their body language….like raise an eyebrow or something. It’s all pretty simple when you think about it. By having body language, they are making a statement…so to connect, “comment” on that statement with a gesture of your own.

Answer the call of the wild. lol :P Good luck!

red fox wrote:
Answer the call of the wild. lol :P Good luck!

hahaha red fox, i like you :)

I guess i am a “thinker” :P i analyse things a lot, because most of the time, i feel like i must be doing something wrong.

What if i’m NOT interested, like with the second guy? I keep seeing him, and i’m not sure if it IS attraction (based on an educated/experienced guess, what would you say?), so I don’t want to send any negative signals without being sure. But if it WAS attraction, and he did say something eventually, well, it would be awkward. So what should I do in the event it comes up?

So basically i need someone to tell me what the heck those vibes are…
lol sometimes I swear I was born without enough “female intuition”

“looked quite average, and I was tired and un-made-up, and my hair wasn’t straightened or anything.”

that sort of thing doesn’t matter to most guys. If you were at a charity ball on his arm, or a first date and didn’t put in some effort, then yeah, he might judge you, but any decent guy can see the real you, not just how straight your hair is.

And we could guess, but there isn’t much to go on. they probably like you, but say hello and find out :-)

Well, if I knew who you were anon, I’d probably like you too. lol. I like “thinkers” And I do the same thing, especially in social situations. But I think you will “know” when you find you’re attracted to a person and things will develop naturally. I wouldn’t worry about too much. I’d kind-of just play it by ear and whatever happens, happens. We’re born with instincts, and you feel it too, you just over-analyze what it means, I think. So maybe just let go a little bit more, let how you feel control more of what you do. Just be careful and set some limits before-hand, so you know what you’re walking into. lol. I mean, if it IS attraction, then send your signals…if it’s not and you send signals anyway…so what. Cross that road when you get there. Life is awkward. People are awkward…that’s the nature of life. You’ll live! You’ll also learn something…that’s how you grow and become who you are as a person. I’d say just be yourself and if things don’t work out, then you just keep doing what you do. Eventually it will come together. And if not, I’ll still be here to get you through it :P

thanks for all the help guys :)

@red fox: you mentioned “signals” a lot… Mind telling me what they are??! For guys. And girls - so that I know if I’m sending out any signals hahaha so clueless, i’m sorry :P
Because that’s really my problem: i have no clue if what i kind of “feel” is really there - or if i’m flattering myself. I’d figured that a guy going out of his way to stand RIGHT next to me at a train station, and keep looking at me, was a “signal”, but then, I could just be flattering myself. and how i’m I supposed to send “signals” when a) I don’t know if i SHOULD be, and b) i don’t know what signals ARE.

thank you :)

Signals are just body language…like winking, waving, smiling, anything that you do when you make eye contact that let’s the other person know you’re interested.

The whole thing is you won’t know! lol. That’s just how it goes…he may or may not like you….that’s why you smile at him when you see him staring. See what kind of signal he gives back. For most men, if they see you smile or wave at them, then they’ll come over and start a conversation, or if they’re shy, they’ll just look away. lol.

But if you “should” or not just depends on if you’re interested in the guy or not….is he attractive physically to you or no? Does he look interesting to talk to or no? Do you want to see what’s on his mind or no? Answer those questions first. IF you still don’t know the answers to any of those, you can flip a coin and leave it up to chance. lol.