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Ten years ago I had a very bad car accident. My body and brain was damaged, the brain quite severly.
I was in a coma for 6 weeks and when I came round I had lost all my memory and was not able to move at all.
At that stage I felt that hospital was the only way of living. I was not able to speak, read, write, move (legs and one arm). If someone said something I would have forgotten it by the time they stopped speaking.
I had my wife with me most days and I simply thought she was a worker in the hospital.
I heard a nurse show a new nurse to the ward and when they came to my area she tells the new one that ‘we’er not expecting him to be with us much longer’.
At 3 months I was sent home, I didn’t realise I had one of them let alone a family, and I heard a few of the workers in my ward say that it was too early for me in my situation/problem and should have a great deal more time at the hosptial before leaving and then sent to a reabilitaion centre for brain injury.
The reason for sending me home, seemed to be that the Queen was going to visit the ward and they wanted to be able to show her and wanted to re-decorate my area before she came!
At first I was being picked up at home, 2/3 times a week, to go back to the hospital to get the help I needed. It became clear very quickly that the man in charge of my theropy, a Phsycologist, had no knowledge or treating brain injury. Everytime I had a session with him provided NO help/support and often made things worse. After a time I stopped going to see him as it only made me worse!
My wife searched for the RIGHT help for me and she found it; there ARE a few places in the UK that DO know how to treat/help people with brain injury. My wife presented the information to the person leading my theropy and it took a year before he alound the fact that she was right and allowed for me to undertake the help I required (they had to fund it!).
I stayed at the new hospital for a month which was a real step forward in what I needed. Unfortunatley one of the thereapist wasn’t very good and made it very difficult for me so I stopped going to her session. Then the funding was removed from my own hospital and therefore stopped any theropy. When I first started at this hospital they estimated that I would need 2/3 years of theropy almost full time at the hospital and probably another 5 or so years on a part time bassis - this stopped after the first month!
Mental rehabilitation/support is the only thing the hosptal did.
So my original hospital has acitvely destoyed my therepoy,reabilitation,progressing! - UK hospital had a very good reputation for helping people. Unfortunatly my experiance is quite the opposite and now I had no repect for Doctors or medical staff. To be fare I HAVE had a few who did seem to know what they were doing and have to tryed to help as much as they were able to (pollotics seems to be more important than patiences!)
So I’m at home and am having quite a difficult situation. I DO love my wife and our children, I just find it very difficult to live with them.
Manners, behaviour, language, what they do, I find difficult to put-up-with and often I’n embarrassed and ashamed of what I have aloud to happen. I am told that the family is better than some, which scares me if this is true. It suggests that society has collapsed very badly.
They go to Church and would give Mother Terraisa a challenge for being good. Away from Church and mainly at home they would give the Devil/Hitler a competition on how bad you could get! (I know these are extremes and it isn’t really THAT bad, but it provides how the situation is at home for me).
Through all of this I mostly want to die, the family would be able to get on better if I wasn’t here. I spend a lot of day’s wishing that the lord will take me. I’m the past I tried to help the situation! (once I took as many tablets that I could find and hopped not to wake up the next day, it didn’t work! then I tried to drink in execess, still woke up the next day - like a lot of things now I can’t to anything propelly!)
I know a lot of this is stupid and naff, that’s me these days. I AM greatfull that I have a family and they are still with me but I still wish to leave this life! How ungradefull can a person get? (I don’t think very hily of my self).
Is there anyone out there how can give any help/thoughts at all?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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