What if we knew we were good, and should be happy in this life, and could be by treating our own selves in the way they were meant to be treated? Wouldn’t that fix everything? Do you think infinite kindness, patience, and self-control would be achievable if we were able to convince ourselves that letting others take more of ourselves than they had a right to was a good thing? Living that way seems like living in a state of self disrespect to me. Is it? Is it a good thing? Does having infinite patience and kindness have to infringe on a person’s own life? I’m confused, any thoughts about any of this? I guess no matter what, it’s okay. If there are angels who serve their brains and brawn happily to other people every day, then the world is nice and works out. If those people are unhappy with their lot, then well, it is their own fault for being so nice. Wait, that isn’t fair, is it?
Since writing this post verge
may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
vergeis a verified member,
has been around for 1 year, 2 months
and has 7 posts
and 4,936 replies
to their name.
What is good? If you do somthing good - you do it and you feel good about it - so you get somthing of it - so it is selfish - so is it not bad?
this is the basic guideline:
If you do somthing that is good for you and for others - it is good.
if it is just good for you but not harmming others - it is good.
if it is good for others but not for you - it is not good.
In situations when it is good for you and others, but might be bad for diffrent others.. this is where you need to adopt a global view of things. this is where no matter what you do - it can’t be good for everyone. this is where you need to judge if the others in all groups are measuring good the same way you do.
I am nice to everybody and I develop a friendly relationship with the people who are nice to me too. I avoid/ignore the ones who are not friendly or do not appreciate me being friendly and helpful. This way I am surrounded with only good people and this way I do not lose my selfrespect. It is actually quite simple.
Anonymous#
9 months, 1 week ago (3 hours, 5 minutes after post)
everyone is bad to someone so just do what u feel is right & try to help people. dont do good so that people think u r good.
it sounds lovely, and I lived that world for many years. In the end, if you don’t stand up and look after you, even upset people sometimes, then you don’t grow. You won’t really head in the direction you want, you will push down the frustration with others and love them more. They will want to marry you and you won’t be able to move cause you won’t know who you are. You won’t know what you want cause you will barely exist…
I’m not sure I got the whole thing, but if someone makes themselves worse off to make others better off — I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone, although the people who are better off in the situation may like it. Like, masters and slaves. I wouldn’t suggest being the slave, although the master may like it a lot.
zen.cro wrote: I am nice to everybody and I develop a friendly relationship with the people who are nice to me too. I avoid/ignore the ones who are not friendly or do not appreciate me being friendly and helpful. This way I am surrounded with only good people and this way I do not lose my selfrespect. It is actually quite simple.
That does seem nice and simple. Thanks for responding.
Chunkymoves wrote: it sounds lovely, and I lived that world for many years. In the end, if you don’t stand up and look after you, even upset people sometimes, then you don’t grow. You won’t really head in the direction you want, you will push down the frustration with others and love them more. They will want to marry you and you won’t be able to move cause you won’t know who you are. You won’t know what you want cause you will barely exist…
or not, whatever :-)
nah, that happiness is a lie,
If you are somehow advising me to look after my own interests by sharing how trying to do the right thing by other people all the time emptied you, I really appreciate it.
lifelover wrote: I’m not sure I got the whole thing, but if someone makes themselves worse off to make others better off — I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone, although the people who are better off in the situation may like it. Like, masters and slaves. I wouldn’t suggest being the slave, although the master may like it a lot.
I was very confused and unclear. Everything you wrote makes perfect sense, thank you.
perceptor. wrote: In situations when it is good for you and others, but might be bad for diffrent others.. this is where you need to adopt a global view of things. this is where no matter what you do - it can’t be good for everyone. this is where you need to judge if the others in all groups are measuring good the same way you do.
people wrote:
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.
Let everyone sweep in front of his own door and the whole world will be clean.
We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully and yell for help if you need it.
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.
Make a habit of two things: to help; or at least to do no harm.
You measure a government by how few people need help.
Tell everyone what you want to do and someone will want to help you do it.
Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.
There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed.
There is hunger for ordinary bread, and there is hunger for love, for kindness, for thoughtfulness, and this is the great poverty that makes people suffer so much.
Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
Our friends should be companions who inspire us, who help us rise to our best.
Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.
If you would lift me up you must be on higher ground.
Self-help must precede help from others. Even for making certain of help from heaven, one has to help oneself.
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.
Everybody wants to do something to help, but nobody wants to be first.
Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.
If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.
If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking him if there’s anything you can do. Think of something appropriate and do it.
Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.
Happiness comes to those who are moving toward something they want very much to happen. And it almost always involves making someone else happy.
It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.
We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark.
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
Power is the ability to do good things for others.
I discovered a long time ago that if I helped people get what they wanted, I would always get what I wanted and I would never have to worry.
Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.
Help people become more motivated by guiding them to the source of their own power.
Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain.
Be charitable before wealth makes thee covetous.
As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it.
A kind and compassionate act is often its own reward.
Believe that life IS worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.
A good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly to do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better.
All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.
We teachers can only help the work going on, as servants wait upon a master.
Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?”
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.
The duty of helping one’s self in the highest sense involves the helping of one’s neighbors.
It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
Our job is not to straighten each other out, But to help each other up.
The most effective way to achieve right relations with any living thing is to look for the best in it, and then help that best into the fullest expression.
Help yourself, and Heaven will help you.
We can help others in the world more by making the most of yourself than in any other way.
When a person is down in the world, an ounce of help is better than a pound of preaching.
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no help at all.
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
The best helping hand that you will ever receive is the one at the end of your own arm.
No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong, gentle and good, without the world being better for it, without somebody being helped and comforted by the very existence of that goodness.
In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.
The realization that we are all basically the same human beings who seek happiness and try to avoid suffering is very helpful in developing a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood; a warm feeling of love and compassion for others.
Light is the task when many share the toil.
Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim.
God helps those who help themselves.
Only you and I can help the sun rise each coming morning. If we don’t, it may drench itself out in sorrow.
One who civilly shows the way to one who has missed it, is as one who has lighted another’s lamp from his own lamp; it none the less gives light to himself when it burns for the other.
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us.
Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
After the verb “to Love” … “To Help” is the most beautiful verb in the world.
Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.
Use power to help people. For we are given power not to advance our own purposes nor to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power and it is to serve people.
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, help to make earth happy like the heaven above.
A good excercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.
We do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence of their help when in need.
Help a man against his will and you do the same as murder him.
It is not helpful to help a friend by putting coins in his pockets when he has got holes in his pockets.
Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help lift him up.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us.
Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
And one more. I get the idea that you might like to discuss the ideas you present, but I don’t feel directly conversational about anything, but I remembered another neat thing, maybe semi-related, and this girl is always a kind ray of light:
Thank you. I don’t feel much like discussing things.
I liked these ones the best :)
people wrote: Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
Self-help must precede help from others.
Our friends should be companions who inspire us, who help us rise to our best.
My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully and yell for help if you need it.
Anonymous#
9 months, 1 week ago (1 day after post)
You are GOOD and very kind
Don’t let anyone tell you other wise :)
Hmm, I’m reading this as a philosophical question.
You can do good for the sake of goodness but you can not do bad for the sake of badness (ex: serial shoplifters obtain pleasure from stealing small tokens from stores… pleasure is a good thing, stealing is not)… most crime is a perversion of something that could otherwise be good.
I personally believe that we know when we do bad things (our moral compass causes us to feel a bit of guilt when we do). Of coarse it gets easier each time we do them. Do we know when we do good things? Perhaps it too depends on severity? I’m guessing that if you pushed a baby stroller out of the way of approaching traffic you’d feel pretty good after you left the hospital!
Haha well thanks for replying. I honestly was wondering why Gandhi felt he was partly evil, and a whole other string of questions erupted from there about whether people could or should just totally decide to be endlessly good (to other people always). Then I started wondering about religion and guilt, but it was all too mixed up to actually ask, so I just watered it down and shortened it, figuring I could get vague, but workable answers, which I did, so thanks lol. Your answer is appreciated.
Everyone is bad at some point in their lives. We should all try our hardest to be kind to our friends, and kinder to our foes. It’s like that old saying “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”
This whole past week I’ve been studying ideas about how no one is good, in fact we are all evil. But that doesn’t preclude treating others well. I think we are always allowed to be as helpful as possible to as many people as possible, with no fear of it being bad.
I used to talk to that girl in the video up there sometimes. She’d talk about how maybe she is crazy for a million different reasons. And I’d say, … or maybe you’re not crazy! I don’t remember if that was before or after she started doing all these videos.
I suppose as long as I believe that I can achieve meaning, happiness, and wholeness in this lifetime, I don’t need to worry about any of that (that being a crazy long and terribly confusing bunch of thoughts that I’ve been writing and thinking about and trying to make sense of ever since you wrote that other thing.)
So thanks for your words as always, and goodnight wonderful person. ♥
Not sure if i understand your rant/question
i am a good person, always helpful, sometimes, most times
overly helpful
Yet i sit at home alone playing scrabble :(
Yea its good to be helpful. Dosent matter if others treat us good or bad. I find myself doing good and helping even when they hurt me. Am always happy because it makes me different.
Just griffin wrote: Not sure if i understand your rant/question
i am a good person, always helpful, sometimes, most times
overly helpful
Yet i sit at home alone playing scrabble :(
I’m sorry griffin, I hope you get to play scrabble with other people sometime soon.
Mnabeam wrote: Yea its good to be helpful. Dosent matter if others treat us good or bad. I find myself doing good and helping even when they hurt me. Am always happy because it makes me different.
I think treating other people is good, but I don’t think tolerating bad treatment of yourself is. Thank you for replying, I’m glad you help people.
MissMary wrote: Id go with do unto others as u want done to u, and if u cant say anything nice dont say anything at all.
Thanks for replying, I’m thinking about your advice. :)
You know what? You described me. I give and give and give and give… and I am still happier than those that are receiving. It infringes upon my rights, it takes away from what I should have, and it is not my fault that they are incompetent and morally bankrupt.
For some reason, doing all this makes me feel even more superior than they, even if I am living a lesser life than I could. Happiness is a state of mind and my mind tells me I am the king of the world and giving away everything I own would still not make them the equal of me, or nearly as happy.
I’m glad that you’re happy, you seem like a really good man. My question was so vague, I suppose it could mean all sorts of things, but I guess I’m figuring out that people should just treat themselves as someone who deserves and can create their own happiness and kindness, and as long as they do that, any thing else they give takes nothing away from them. I guess you’ve got that down, thanks for replying :) I guess the big question is how to make people understand that they are worth all of the goodness that they have to offer.
We are worth all of the goodness that we have to offer. I love that. But, in this world people are selfless and most would love not to associate with those who dont have. Even when they have extra they dont want to give alittle. Jesus said be like me. He was hurt hence he clothed, prayed for those who persecuted him and forgave them. Thats the joy of giving. I like your attitude.
Mnabeam wrote: We are worth all of the goodness that we have to offer. I love that. But, in this world people are selfless and most would love not to associate with those who dont have. Even when they have extra they dont want to give alittle. Jesus said be like me. He was hurt hence he clothed, prayed for those who persecuted him and forgave them. Thats the joy of giving. I like your attitude.
I think I meant that in a way completely different from what you understood. I was wondering whether people would be happier if they could feel entitled to receiving kindness from themselves, not at all as in we should measure our worth by how much we give to others. I need to get better at writing. Ugh every time I think I sort of have an answer to my question, I can’t communicate, so I guess that means I don’t understand yet. Anyways, thanks for your reply. I appreciate that you’re out there trying to hear me or that you’re getting something from this, even if we’re on totally different wavelengths.
Thank you for your concern :) I’ve had trouble making myself do things that I know I have to do (my calculus homework for example). I have missed a few assignments because I couldn’t even bring myself to really try. Then I cried about it today because it’s my own **** money I’m wasting and why can’t I get my act together. Also my dad is a miserable sick mess. Just an annoying day. I realized my troubles weren’t really severe after I posted though. Thanks so much for asking though :)
Hey Calculaus is not easy, my daughter taught it to me an I thought I would never get it. My ex tried to teach it to me, that went no where but I finally passed it.
Good Luck
Well, there is the golden rule of “do unto others as you would do unto yourself.” to treat others good means that you inside feel that you respect yourself and respect others. No not everyone will be nice to you, treat you with nicely. What of it?
In another way, however, you must protect yourself. The biggest is emotional. Say you were around someone negative, blackhearted, and soulsucking person. The only thing it would do is drain and depress you. Be nice to them, but try not to stay in their presense for to long.
Also if you are a giver, you could give give give and empty out your soul and wallet for others. At the end of the day you would have nothing.
I used to be a giver who gave away everything to everyone, so sweet and nice to everyone who came in my path. I got hurt and used for it many times. But then I met my wonderful husband, who is not as nice to others as I am. He stopped people from coming at my door with their hand out or them from asking for all my time. Now I save all my goodness to the ones who love me and see my reward in their happiness.
It is not bad to be good to others… but lines in the sand must be drawn. If you cannot stop having a symathatic heart for others, then you need to be around people who will help look out for your best interests.
Thanks for your reply. I’m glad you’ve figured out how to treat yourself well. I don’t know any negative soul suckers. I think I probably just need to stop thinking about this stuff and get a life. I’ll figure that out eventually.
I think that anything you give with resentment or while feeling that you have to is not good, for you or for the person receiving it. I read something once that said ‘if you give more that you have to give, then you will deplete yourself’. I believe that giving of yourself to others is a good thing, but only as much as you have to give (and I believe that you can tell this by whether you feel good or resentful in the giving). I have started to set some boundaries in my life about what I will and wont do for others, and feel better for it. It is like you say self-disrespectful to ignore what you need/want in order to do things for others all the time.
Thanks for your response, what you wrote makes good sense to me. I’m glad that you’ve figured out how to treat yourself more respectfully with boundaries :) I think knowing that you’re valuable and doing the best thing for yourself is the best way to be available for others too, but that’s just a random benefit. Being good to yourself and appreciating that that’s what you’re doing sounds very healthy.
To be honest, being too caring and kind can lead to hurt, but I think it is worth it.
It’s easy to get hurt when you put the happiness of others before your own and they don’t even seem to appreciate it.
Kindness can be contagious and it’s really nice to know that you have helped someone see how important it is to be kind and how simple it can be.
My dad says that life should be a niceness contest. I think the rewards are different for everyone and they are very unpredictable. One of the best rewards is to know that you may have helped someone else, you may have given them hope, and you may have inspired them to spread that kindness to others.
I like to give my friends treats, I’ve been told by many that I have brightened/made their day. There was once a girl sitting in the corner on the phone looking sad, all I did was give her a Reeses and her face just lit up. She later thanked me and told me that she had really needed that and it helped her a lot.
I talk to homeless people and many have told me that they seriously appreciate being acknowledged.
I found a lot of good people this year, which has sadly made me lie a bit more, but some of the things I give up are things I don’t really need, but can mean a lot to another person. The lies I tell are usually about food, because I don’t want anyone to feel bad about taking it from me, I just tell them I’m not hungry or I don’t want it or I have more.
The funny thing is, I find it extremely difficult to accept/admit that I am good. I think that may have a lot to do with family issues, and the fact that in thinking I am good, I may be less good.
hahah this is a late response, I didn’t check my invites for a while.
Well thank you for your response, I’m glad you took the time to answer. I’m confused about altruism, but one of the main ideas I guess is that I want you and everyone else who is good to know it. So I hope you do and thanks.
perceptor.
zen.cro
Anonymous
Chunkymoves
mindhealer
Anonymous
AdamG
firesoccer989
Snar
Always griffin
Mnabeam
MissMary
Docteur Ralph
Anonymous
vnlocsdoncv
young at heart
graceconnie0
NinjaPaintsOnStars
katie11.11
meisabelep
surge