friends help: Hey guys I need some opinions on this! - Help.com

Is he your soul mate.Accept nothing less.

Maybe you need more time to get to know him? It may be easier to assess in light of his age. Nothing wrong with that.

a friend is a friend. go for it
just cause he doesn’t act his age
look at me i’m 195 i act like maybe 40

spiratec9 wrote:
Is he your soul mate.Accept nothing less.

I am quite sure already that no he’s not. :/

wil wrote:
Maybe you need more time to get to know him? It may be easier to assess in light of his age. Nothing wrong with that.

I was thinking that and that’s what I said but he’s been telling people about me and the other day started talking about his plans to settle down and I was kinda freaked. Dunno if he meant it that way but I feel like he’s expecting this to turn into something serious… which I don’t really want.

griffin195 wrote:
a friend is a friend. go for it
just cause he doesn’t act his age
look at me i’m 195 i act like maybe 40

I wish I could just ignore it. My flatmate keeps saying to just go for it and who cares about age but for some reason I can’t seem to…

You’re perfectly within reason if you few age as an important factor. It doesn’t make you shallow or anything. It’s about what you feel comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable with it then don’t pursue.

It’s just a pity cause if I’d never known I would probably have gone out with him. Kinda wish I didn’t know…

you’ll fond someone better ^-^ when you finally find a guy you really like, you won’t feel “torn” on whether or not to go out with him and you’ll have an awesome relationship because of that.

I wonder why it matters so much. I fell in love with a girl I met when I was 14. I thought she was about 12. She thought I was about 12, but she was 10 years old. When I was 18 and left my hometown she was still only 14 and we never went out. We were like best friends for 4 years though, and we both had this feeling that it was really right and really wrong at the same time. I still think about her a lot.

I say age is a number and society puts too much emphasis on it. I don’t like to play by the rules so I would advise you to go for it.

uh, i think in you’re gut you’re just not getting the right feeling. with so many people out there, i don’t understand why you’re trying to force yourself to want him.

i understand that he’s likable, but he’s older, has no real job, has no ambition, talks about “settling down”, tells other people about you, and is kind of immature, which are all turn-offs for you. if your instincts don’t say GO GET HIM, then why bother? it seems really silly.

i sense that, if you do go out with him, your attitude will be more like:
*shrug* why not? i SHOULD want him.

just because you like someone doesn’t mean you’re obligated to date them.

a wild ozy appears wrote:
uh, i think in you’re gut you’re just not getting the right feeling. with so many people out there, i don’t understand why you’re trying to force yourself to want him.

i understand that he’s likable, but he’s older, has no real job, has no ambition, talks about “settling down”, tells other people about you, and is kind of immature, which are all turn-offs for you. if your instincts don’t say GO GET HIM, then why bother? it seems really silly.

i sense that, if you do go out with him, your attitude will be more like:
*shrug* why not? i SHOULD want him.

just because you like someone doesn’t mean you’re obligated to date them.

I know it’s just that I didn’t mind before I knew his age and people keep saying I should be able to look past it. But I think I just can’t. Kinda wish I could cause it could be fun but it’s just not working.

i kind of would be turned off too, honestly. i don’t plan to be like that guy when i’m at the age of 30. i’d wonder if he just never had the maturity to move further.

That’s what it is I think! I know I act very mature for my age, some would probably say too mature. I find it hard to be the fun loving 21 year old I’m supposed to be when my life has taken such difficult turns. I mean I’m glad they did I’m happy but I guess it made me grow up a lot. And now I mostly make friends with people a bit older than me cause I haven’t got that college student mentality. I’m more at the ‘what the hell am I doing with my life?’ stage rather than the ‘live in the moment, I’ll deal with the future when it comes’ stage a lot of 21 year olds around me seem to be.
I mean I do have friends my age and younger but none I’m interested in romantically. And I guess why him being 30 bothers me is because I would hope I will spend the next 9 years of my life growing as a person and maturing even more. I would like to be seeing someone who was likely to grow up and mature as they get older as well.
If he’s at my maturity at 30, that to me means at some point he just stopped.
So what if I pass him out?

It’s not just that I also think that me being mature is great and all but I am 21, I’m not 30 and I need to bloody relax a bit. I think I need someone my age who is a bit less mature so I can remember that and enjoy being my age.
That would be an opportunity to improve myself, being with this guy, this miserable, depressed, mentally frozen guy… would probably do more harm than good.

****! Thanks for that… think that’s probably my answer :)

“mentally frozen” is a good choice of words. i would just have my doubts about a man 9 years older with no stable job who talks about “settling down”. he might be a nice guy, but if that’s just not the right setting for a relationship you want to have, then that’s fine. it’s not as if you’re betraying yourself by not wanting to date the man. there are many small subtleties that determine whether or not you want to enter into a relationship with someone and his age is really only one factor among others that say “not my piece of cake”.

glad to be able to help. :]

I didn’t realise they censored the d word!
It’s not considered a curse here,
Makes it look much worse than I meant :/
Anyway yeah thanks so much!