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I want to be mad at him, but it just makes me sad.
I just spent twenty minutes writing about how hurtful my friend is.. but I don’t think that’s true. I told him the rude jokes bothered me and he stopped.. and whenever I pointed out something he did that was offensive he stopped. Can I really hold that one horrible conversation against him? Every other time he tried to be nothing but kind.. and what.. I told him I didn’t trust him or want to talk because he was just trying to make light of the conversation.. because every time he’s tried to talk with me about anything serious I tell him to go away.. that’s not really fair, is it? My guard goes up every time we have a conversation.. why? Because he is manipulative.. but its never for any other reason than to know what’s wrong.. its the same stupid circle. “Well, he did this” .. but here is a reason to justify it. All year I pushed expecting him to go away again.. and he didn’t until now.. or maybe its just an off week. Why does he even bother? The only answer I got was “I care” .. but every time he wants to talk he says its cause he’s bored. I know I am making a big deal out of nothing.. I could just stop talking with him and that would be that.. but well, I’ve always over thought everything… I shouldent care. Grrr..
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