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Is there something wrong with me?
My BF and I were talking about how I need to get my GED so he was asking me questions about science and I didn’t know the answers to any of his questions, they were basic questions that everyone learns in elementary school (I can’t even remember what the questions were!!!) and he was shocked that I didn’t know anything. It made me feel bad so I started crying. I don’t know anything about math either. I know addition but sometimes I still have to use my fingers when I count. I know subtraction but I forgot how to subtract negative numbers. I don’t know multiplication, only 1, 2, 5, and 10 because those are the simplest numbers. I don’t know division. I don’t know algebra or geometry. I could never understand what my teacher was talking about in school and I was too afraid to ask for help. I never got help because I never asked for it. I hated school so much, I’d make up lame excuses not to go. I skipped a lot. But it’s not even just that I didn’t go to school every single day, I just can’t remember anything! Sometimes I’ll have moments where I’m thinking about something in my head and just ten seconds later I forget what I was thinking about. And I LOVE to read, sometimes I go through two books a week. But I can only remember certain things that I read which makes it so difficult. Sometimes I forget what I’ve read just one minute after I read it and sometimes I accidentally read the same line more than once and I don’t realize that I am until I remember that I already just read that. I also LOVE music, but when I listen to it, I sometimes can’t make out what the people are saying. I never really know what they’re saying, so when I sing along to a song I only sing along to certain parts that I can remember. There’s only one song I’ve ever been able to remember the whole lyrics to. So I’ve learned to love music just by the beat of it and the sound of their voice, instead of the lyrics. The only thing I’m really good at is writing. I’ve ALWAYS passed all my writing tests. Writing has been my passion since I was eight years old. I’ve planned on being an author ever since. And I want to go to college, but how can I even pass my GED test if I won’t know the answer to any of the questions? How can I even be in college if I don’t even know basic elementary school questions? I don’t even know that much about my own American history! But the thing is, I REALLY want to learn. I want to know about everything. I would love to learn about science, history, math, etc, I really am interested. But I can’t seem to get myself to pay attention to those things when I’m reading about them. For example, I was reading a book about World History because I wanted to learn about it but I just couldn’t pay attention to it so I stopped. I can’t get myself to focus on any task. I can’t even remember things from my childhood. People will ask me “Hannah, do you remember…?” and I’ll say “no.” There’s only certain memories I’ve kept with me from my childhood. Unfortunately most of them are bad memories. But the good ones are nice, I just wish I could remember more. And I was molested when I was 8, I can’t even remember what happened which makes me upset because then I have nothing to back my story up that I was molested, my mom told me I told her we were just wrestling but I have no memory of me telling her that. It really scares me because I’m only 18 years old!!! Why is my memory so bad? Do I have a learning disability?
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