reason help: I’m selfish and I want to change. - Help.com

What kind of situations do you make these inappropriate comments? Is it when you feel someone is making fun of you, when someone patronises you?

Let us know a little more and we might be able to help you. :)

you just have to change your mindset. what you think you say, what you say you do, what you do you act, how you act you live. that’s it; it’s simple.
it just requires dedication and patience and the willingness to do better.

Dr. Fruitloop wrote:
What kind of situations do you make these inappropriate comments? Is it when you feel someone is making fun of you, when someone patronises you?

Let us know a little more and we might be able to help you. :)

They’re not usually comments it’s just a lack of consideration mostly.
But I can only give the examples of things I am already really aware of and trying to change, cause they’re the only ones that come to mind.

Like for instance when my friend was worried about her father being really sick, my immediate thought was ‘She’s being a bit ridiculous! Lots of people die young. Two of my aunts died young and death happens all the time surely she should expect it(something I am only obsessed with because I almost died quite young)’
I didn’t say anything like that obviously because I know that’s horrible but it was what my mind jumped to, because it’s so difficult for me to see how others might be feeling and I just rush to my own problems.
I mean there is nothing wrong with not being as terrified and obsessed with dying at any moment as I am. I shouldn’t be angry at others for not being like me cause they’re probably better off.

And I always make people wait for me. I hate that I do that but I just can never seem to get my act together. When I get depressed I make a mess of my room which means everything is hard to find and then when I’m trying to go somewhere to meet someone it takes me way longer than it should to find everything.
And also when I’m depressed I purposely don’t eat or deprive myself of sleep. Which means it’s harder to get up in time for appointments and that eventually I become so hungry I just have to stop and eat something which can make me late too.
It’s not just that though it’s also I don’t value my time at all, so find it difficult to consider how others might value theirs.

The rest are just little things like that. Like a friend’s birthday will come up and I’ll think I should get them a present, then not cause I forget. Or I might have no money to spare at the time but when I do have forgotten about it and just buy food or a nice thing for myself instead.

Right well I’m changing gradually. Like I’m tidying my room right now and I got one of those calendar phones so I can be more organised and it will be harder to be late. I’m hoping then I’ll start to value my and other people’s time more.

And as for the friend’s Dad being sick thing, I forced myself to consider what she might feel like and then how she was acting made perfect sense.
I probably would have said the same things in her situation despite the fact my aunts died young, that doesn’t make it less unfair that my Dad might. And yes death is supposedly on the doorstep but that doesnt stop it being a shock when it actually happens!

And I also can be insensitive to another friend’s problems about being overweight because due to my health I am usually horribly underweight and it makes me really weak and faint. So I actually get quite jealous of people who are overweight cause I think what a luxury it must be to be able to be like that and eat whatever you want and still feel healthier than I do!
To just decide that eating fatty food and being unhealthy by choice is preferable to doing your body justice and eating right and being fit and enjoying youth and health.

But those are my problems and it’s not fair of me to be angry at her when she’s not me, she’s different. She could just as easily look at me and think isn’t she so lucky being thin? But if she said that I’d be pretty hurt she could simplify it so much…

You sound like you’ve really started to get an handle on the situation and are moving towards positive change. I am so glad that you’re tired of hating yourself, it’ll be easier for you to decide to like yourself, which will improve your life and have positive effects on your interactions with other people. Good luck :)

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