friends help: Something is missing and I don’t know what. - Help.com

What is it about your hobbies that are so embarrassing?

They are very geeky and sometimes adult or something I don’t like to discuss with others. I’m a very geeky person in general but in particular I find these embarrassing because only certain people I know do the same thing. I prefer talking about it with them or with people online which I know is cowardly but it’s the only time I feel comfortable.

@misspeppermintte. Are you the anonymous poster?

I didn’t realise I had posted anonymously before but yes thats me.

Argh sorry did it again, must be automatic ^^

Hi, it sounds to me like you need to just accept who you are ….and you are a bit to anxious and worry about what people think……..

maybe self acceptance is missing?

What about a psychotherapy which can help you to get stable on your path? Have you ever tried?

@Seven Perhaps, that sounds very familiar, I have heard people tell me that before.
I have had trouble with what other people think all my life. I have a great fear of being judged though I honestly cannot say why. I feel like a lot of things I do are meaningless and silly because I could be doing something productive instead of wasting my time doing things that just make me smile.

@Zirbel I have before considered talking to someone, its really a case of time and money and getting over that hurdle of wanting to talk to somebody else about it all when I’m not even sure what’s wrong myself.

southern_comfort, IP wrote:
@misspeppermintte. Are you the anonymous poster?

yes, they are.

-Freud
Moderator

misspeppermintte wrote:
and getting over that hurdle of wanting to talk to somebody else about it all when I’m not even sure what’s wrong myself.

But THAT’s really the point: You have to see a professional therapist just BECAUSE you’re not sure. It is his/her aim to find it out together with you, and with your ACTIVE participation, you know.

misspeppermintte wrote:
I can’t really talk to them about this as they would simply get frustrated as neither me nor them knwo what it is that’s wrong.

I think you should talk to them and give them a better shake. I also would talk to a medical professional as Zirbel suggests to determine if you might possibly be bipolar.

I would like to know also what specifically is the artistic talent you have. Oil painting? Sculpture? Other?

Thank you Pink.

misspeppermintte wrote:
@Seven Perhaps, that sounds very familiar, I have heard people tell me that before.
I have had trouble with what other people think all my life. I have a great fear of being judged though I honestly cannot say why. I feel like a lot of things I do are meaningless and silly because I could be doing something productive instead of wasting my time doing things that just make me smile.

I can completely relate to what you say, i spend my life worrying about what people think of me..it is completely disabling at times!………..why do you feel that you HAVE to be doing something productive..? Surely making yourself smile is productive :D

southern_comfort, IP wrote:

I think you should talk to them and give them a better shake. I also would talk to a medical professional as Zirbel suggests to determine if you might possibly be bipolar.

Why do you suggest tat misspepermitte might be bi-polar….?

maybe your missing Jesus? beliefe in a higher power, faith, seems to help people overcome the most horrendous things, maybe there’s something real in that your missing out on?- just a random guess

It’s okay to feel that way… for now. I was once like you and believe me when I say that there is no bigger waste of time than caring too much about what other people think. There’s nothing wrong with a hobby as long as you’re not harming yourself or others. I’ll tell you one of mine in addition to gardening and taking care of my pets: I love to collect bootlegs or live recordings of artists/musicians that I like. I don’t care what other people think of it as long as I enjoy listening to a live Janis Joplin or Kate Bush concert. I believe that living life to the fullest doesn’t have anything to do with the size of your bank account or how many friends comment on your every superficial post on Facebook. It’s about doing whatever it is that you love most and enjoying every second of it. People who say it’s silly definitely doesn’t know what it’s like to be passionate about something.

I sometimes feel unhappy too, it’s perfectly normal. However, chronic loneliness means there is a blank space in your spirit and only you can fill it. Don’t be afraid to face your fears in the process of figuring out whatever it is. It took me the better part of 20 years before I finally figured it out and I can say it’s very much worth the wait. I’m still a work in progress though, but I guess most of us are. Hope this helps! :)

@Zirbel I have tried seeing somebody before but after a while I simply could not afford it, but it is something I’m looking into even just as an option.

@southern_comfort I talk to my boufriend about it sometimes but I suppoe nobody can help until I cna help myself. I keep thinking maybe I need to hit rock bottom before I finally realise that I can do this for myself.
I’m an illustrator and I use traditional and digital mediums, thank you for asking.

@Seven I think I feel I have to be productive perhaps because I blame myself for not getting anywhere with my life/artwork so I worry that I spend too much time just trying to make myself happy rather than doing work which will make me happy eventually.

@dednseyed I am quite a spiritual person and thought I’m not strictly religious I do believe in a higher power and it does help me occasionally in times of need.

@piratediscomi

Thank you, a lot of what you said made sense. Maybe it’s my love for myself and who I am that is missing from my life. I am afraid that I will never find myself worthwhile but that’s a journey I suppose I have to take in order to feel fulfilled.

My hobby isn’t hurtful or anything its just kinda geeky but admitting it to people who don’t understand it would I suppose be akin to something like admitting to your mother you’ve read Fifty Shades of Grey or some such thing. (I haven’t but thats the only example I could think of!)
I spend a lot of time on the internet talking to other people, some I don’t even know but it makes me smile to find people with similar interests and I think because a lot of people look down on using technology to interact or have fun on a regular basis that I feel like it’s not a worthwhile pursuit. But as you say it makes me happy and passionate so I shouldn’t care what others think.

Thank you again.

anxiety….? i REALLY want to know what your hobby is by the way….. :D please tell!

So glad I was able to help in a way! LOL, there’s nothing wrong with geeky, mine’s probably one of the most “geekiest” ever haha! And yeah, you’re right about loving yourself. Trust me, when you start showing love, respect, and a healthy appreciation for yourself, all those negativity (read: what other people think of you) would fall apart. You’ll look back and say to yourself something to the effect of: “Seriously? what the hell was I thinking back then?!” Believe me, there will come a time when you’ll find all you’ve gone through nothing short of a laughing matter. :p

@Seven It really isn’t that exciting, I am just overly embarrassed but well I guess if I need to start learning to love myself I might as well be honest on here. I love roleplaying as different characters online with other people, mostly characters from things that already exist but sometimes it can get rude or very silly and I could never explain to my non geeky friends/family what I do of a night XD That’s all really, but I always feel like I should be working you know :P

@piratediscomi

Yeah I love being geeky but I think I also find it hard because I want to fit in.
I’m hoping I can get there eventually maybe one day.

^ You will “get there”, trust me. I did. I guess one of the most inportant lessons I learned in my life could be summed up in these words (pardon the cliche lol): “If it doesn’t kill you it will make you stronger, but only after it almost killed you.” Back then, it’s like the end of the world every single day and I can’t picture myself laughing at it but right now I was like, “Oh dear, why haven’t I thought of decaf all that time?” :p

that sound like fun………

fitting in is about being comfortable and finding people who accept you for who you are. People that don’t accept us are not really our people anyway.

Hiding away doesn’t help us to do much more than avoid out uncomfortable feelings, which is o.k sometimes but not the best way to live our livesa in the long term.

Yes of course you will get out there one day! When you are willing and ready…Don’t be afraid of your awkward feelings…..they are only feelings and cannot hurt you.

Don’t forget…You are not your thoughts…

are you living in the same place you grew up in?

i just moved 5 hours away from the home i’ve always lived in, and it’s strange and exciting and new. maybe you need a change of scenery. :)

@Seven

Yeah I need to spend more time with my friends too, some of them live in different areas so I don’t get to see them a lot.

I do hide away a lot because I don’t want to confront what I really feel incase it might change my life for the worse, but it might be just what I need.

@wild ozy

I am still living here however I cannot afford to go anywhere else at the moment but I am going on holiday with my boyfriend soon so that may help.

misspeppermintte wrote:
I’m an illustrator and I use traditional and digital mediums, thank you for asking.

Do you feel comfortable enough in your talent to teach others? You obviously love what you do and seem very talented in it. To take your focus off yourself I would suggest volunteering. Give of yourself instead of expecting heaps of praise upon it. When you learn to give of yourself others benefit, but not as much as you do.