Family help: I feel isolated from my family, I’m just a garbage bin. - Help.com

You´re not to blame here so don´t beat up yourself.

I know how it is to live in relations when all you want is love and it feels like all one gets is the opposite. One becomes the one others can just dump all their negativity on.

You could probably stand up for yourself a little more and tell him that you´re not going to take on his negativity all the time. That he needs to sort out his problems rather than try to externalize everything. That will eventually tear everything apart if it´s not taken care of.

Grim_Hardcastle wrote:
You´re not to blame here so don´t beat up yourself.

I know how it is to live in relations when all you want is love and it feels like all one gets is the opposite. One becomes the one others can just dump all their negativity on.

You could probably stand up for yourself a little more and tell him that you´re not going to take on his negativity all the time. That he needs to sort out his problems rather than try to externalize everything. That will eventually tear everything apart if it´s not taken care of.

Oh no, if I say that, he might get really mad/offended and say stuff like, “It’s your fault for not doing what you’re told, etc.” But I don’t know what he wants, because he always has to pick something that I’m doing wrong. Then I feel useless and just not do it at all, and he gets mad.

Anonymous wrote:

Oh no, if I say that, he might get really mad/offended and say stuff like, “It’s your fault for not doing what you’re told, etc.” But I don’t know what he wants, because he always has to pick something that I’m doing wrong. Then I feel useless and just not do it at all, and he gets mad.

Mad and offended would be a great reaction. It will show that you have hit something important. If you try to bend over in fear and be paralyzed there will not be any peace for you with him around.

My dad was like this. Screaming about everything all the time. He worked on a boat so he was only home half the time. My environment completely changed from the time he was home and the time he was away. No-one should have to live with all the uncertainty this brings.

Grim_Hardcastle wrote:

Mad and offended would be a great reaction. It will show that you have hit something important. If you try to bend over in fear and be paralyzed there will not be any peace for you with him around.

My dad was like this. Screaming about everything all the time. He worked on a boat so he was only home half the time. My environment completely changed from the time he was home and the time he was away. No-one should have to live with all the uncertainty this brings.

My dad works on a submarine. But, when he was gone, the whole family just feels so less tense. But, I guess, what you have said made a point. Perhaps, I should just be proactive, and stick to my guts. I mean, he can’t yell if I make the choices I feel is right? I think I am a good person, so I think for the most time I will make good choices. Thank you for talking to me about it. I might still be uncomfortable loving him or forgiven him, but I will definitely try to help him.

You don’t deserve to be treated the way your step father is treating you. Next time your at disney stay with your mother. regardless of what your step father does. understand that your just the kid; your step father is the adult but just because he blames you and says it’s your fault doesn’t mean it is. when he does this you could feel treated, angry, sad, because he is not pleased with you. If you want to know the truth I think this is how he communicates with everyone. for example when you were at disney he blamed everyone but himself for carelessly walking off and leaving your mother. understand that your only human and you deserve love and affection. However you don’t have to pay the victim. although every time your step father refers to you as “Not His” does not mean that he doesn’t love you. he is just telling the truth. I realize it feels bad you you need to be loved. But I think your trying to go about it the wrong way. I think your step father has an anger problem and that can be hard for any family to deal with. until he admits that he has issues and gets help things will stay the way they are. You have a need and that need is love; The best way to get love is to give it. showing others you care for them. bring your mom a flower or help clean up and then say mom can I have a hug? I would really like to speak a few mins talking with you we hardly ever get to spend any one on one time. try it with each one of the members of your family show them your need and that you care about them. if you get rejected by your family. I wouldn’t be surprised I would move on to grandma, aunts, uncles, friends, you will be surprised at the support you can obtain when you show you care and request your need for love met. My parents were the same way and I found an aunt that helped me when I just needed someone so much. try it. it couldn’t hurt.

Nobody deserves to be treated like this trust me^^ I feel as I I’m treated the same but yours as I read is alot worse than me^^ do you have a best friend you can try talking to that what I do and I keep a journal everytime I get mad or upset and start crying I write it in my journal how I really feel about everything, you can also talk to your mom or let her read some of the stuff in your journal but you also can try defending yourself let him know your not a toy he can just throw around because it doesn’t belong to him he made a commitment whenhe married your mom and you don’t deserve treated like this.