This post left anonymously
I feel isolated from my family, I’m just a garbage bin.
I feel like I have a foreign substance in me (my real dad’s genetics) that makes me not fit for love in this family. The only one that comforts me, is my mother, because she truly loves me. I love her too, not matter how many times we may fight. However, the other side, I’m not related to.. Somehow takes her away, and leaves me lonely. I’m really lonely. I wish I could be loved by two people, like most kids. But instead, I have only God and my mother. When my step-father yells at me, I feel like he tries to blame me and make me feel like I’m the ‘garbage can’ for his mistakes and anger.
He took us to Disney World for my sister’s birthday, but at a cafe, he left my mom at the cafe while she was checking the bill, and just walked intothe park like my mother would just randomly find him. I wasn’t sure if I should stay or go, but I left with him anyways because my mom said she’ll be right out. Then, I couldn’t find her, but I found him. So, I asked if he was gonna find mommy, and he started yelling, “I don’t know! Stop asking questions! You go find her! What makes you think I can go find her?!” So I went out and looked around, but I was afraid I was gonna be lost with both parents. So, I went back to him. 30 minutes later, I decided to walk back to the cafe, and I found her. She started yelling at me then at my dad. Then my dad said, “It’s not my fault! Azaria went out to find you, she obviously didn’t look hard enough.” I cried, but I was at the back of the group, so no on saw me. & Like today, he locked me and my sisters in a hot car, and I started feeling sleepy. So, I closed my eyes, and he turned around and started yelling super loud, “Wake up! Wake up! No! No sleeping! I don’t know why you feel so special!” I’m just a person! I try to love him, but he rejects me. I try to take no part with him, he calls me lazy and not a team player. I don’t understand, he is so hard to please. I just want someone to hold on to when I’m frustrated and weak. I am lacking someone to love. Why can’t the one who is supposed to be closest to me.. Be the one to help me, not be the cause of the problem? I’m not lazy, I’m just trying my best not to upset him. It seems everyone I do is wrong, so I just stop doing anything. It’s not working.. I’m so done– I’m confused and just I want to cry. I want someone to just be there. I don’t care when he says, “I buy you all these things and shelter, feed, and clothe you,” because.. I mean, maybe that’s not what I really want. Maybe that’s not why I’m upset. Maybe, it’s love I want. But who would want to love someone that’s not yours? I sorta almost want my real dad back, but my parents broke up for a reason. I’m just so frustrated and confused.
I hate having a step-father with sisters that are half related to me.
I mean.. When we go visit my Father’s grandpa and grandma, he says, “These two are mine,” then points to me, “That one isn’t mine.”
What am I doing wrong?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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