Right Now help: Should you be nice to everyone? - Help.com



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Should you be nice to everyone?

I try to be kind to everyone I know and meet.
I am having troubles though with my ex right now. He obviously hurt me and I know I hurt him too, but I stay kind and civil by replying to his texts and not ignoring him or anything. But when he asks me to go for a coffee I have no interest whatsoever. I feel bad saying no though because I feel like I am being mean.. but I don’t want to force myself to hang out with him and just get angry because I still kind of think he’s a jerk and my life has gotten much more positive since we’ve broken up and I just don’t think seeing him is worth it. But is that being mean by saying no?

This open post was written 9 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 576, 11, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Replies (11)

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Siren offline Verified User (4 years, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (15 minutes after post)

personally i would cut all contact with him, obviously he still has hopes of you getting back together. you need to tell him straight

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Help me with: DEAR ALL HELP USERS:
alone helper offline Verified User (10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (16 minutes after post)

Say no to him but in a nice way.
You should have the ability to say no.

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Help me with: I’m Mohammad and I’m a MUSLIM.
asldhakjsh offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (22 minutes after post)

but what about “be nice to everybody”, (im kinda into the kindness, peace, happiness, love thing)…

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.................... offline Verified User (5 years, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 7 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (25 minutes after post)

Not nice…..respectful. It is important to be respectful. It would be disrespectful to be ‘nice’ being ‘nice’ would be misleading him…

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Help me with: Hi, I really feel screwed up at the moment.
alone helper offline Verified User (10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (25 minutes after post)

Excuse me
Do you think you are GOD that you don’t want to refuse anyone?

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Help me with: I’m Mohammad and I’m a MUSLIM.
asldhakjsh offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (36 minutes after post)

well I don’t think I am God, maybe it’s good to emulate his characteristic of not refusing anyone though. and seven, thank you that makes sense.

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MsMoraes offline Verified User (10 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (38 minutes after post)

just say sorry you dont feel like it or somthing. :) (dunt have to be so blunt or harsh..)

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Snar online Verified User (5 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 115 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (48 minutes after post)

No.

Life is short and you’ll waste it if you don’t put yourself first!

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Help me with: I’m not sure at all what that line is between being a whiner about your problems and trying to face them.
mindhealer online Verified User (3 years) Long Term User Shouts: 52 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 6 minutes after post)

There’s a lot of material you can find on the web on how to train yourself on this stuff… self-esteem, assertiveness, confidence, self-respect, boundary-setting..
The bottom line is that you’re not being ‘nice’ if you’re letting the situation be uncomfortable for yourself or others, if you could treat yourself with more respect by behaving differently. Something can look nice that actually causes harm to the people involved. That would therefore be unhelpful, un-nice, unkind, and can be prevented by doing a lot of self-help exercises, self-esteem & assertiveness etc. The only real problem is that psychic habit change is not easily achieved and takes a lot of work after you figure out the better ways to be.

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Silverse offline Verified User (3 years, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months, 4 weeks ago (1 hour, 47 minutes after post)

You are not a bad person for having needs. have u been brought up like i have, being told other peoples needs should come before ur own?

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Dr. Ozy offline Verified User (6 years, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 10 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months, 3 weeks ago (7 hours, 36 minutes after post)

ignore him. it’s silly keeping up this charade of being a friend when it’s clear you want nothing to do with him.

being a false friend is not doing anyone any favors. and it doesn’t sound like he deserves your friendship.

sometimes the greatest kindness you can do someone is to let them go.

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