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Trust should be there, i won’t mind as long as the texts are clean, nothing bad…but yeah if he is talking dirty or something like that then that would make me mad, otherwise no problem.

Check the texts.

cathetel wrote:
Trust should be there, i won’t mind as long as the texts are clean, nothing bad…but yeah if he is talking dirty or something like that then that would make me mad, otherwise no problem.

Exactly.

I would hope my boyfriend would be mature enough to be able to have friends of both sexes, and that our relationship was in a stable enough place that I wouldn’t need to worry about the other people in his life.

My concerns would only be:
-Is he spending his time texting while he and I are spending time together?
-Is he growing distant from me, and the texting may be a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship?
-Does he have a history of infidelity in OUR relationship?

If none of these are the case, then I think it is fair to say that you should trust your boyfriend, and understand that he should have privacy about with whom he is in communication. Unless it is directly interfering with your relationship, or you have adequate reasons to believe he may be treating his female friends as more than friends, I think you need to trust him and let it be.

Easy to fix . . . stop texting him!

ONE LAST TEXT: “Look, ‘Joe,’ you have a girlfriend. I don’t want to look like the woman who is trying to pry a couple apart. So I’m going to stop answering texts. So don’t send me any more, and that way we’ll put all the rumours to rest and nobody gets hurt.”

And do NOT answer texts after that . . . ANY texts from him at all!

Also get out of that snakepit!

That’s just ridiculous. I feel bad that you have to go through stupid stuff like this. If anyone should be blamed, it should be him, and I don’t even know why anyone should be blamed. It sounds like there are jealous people around… The drama will end soon, but if you are more then just friends, you need to stop texting him.

Girls can be so mean! Honestly, they are like cats to each other. This stupid nonsense stuff will end soon, don’t worry. Don’t let this stop you from getting in relationships though =) Not all people are the same.

Pure texting would not be an issue.

If i noticed obsessive texting and hiding and reluctance to let me in on what´s going on?

Well, i have better things to do than to waste my time on someone in that state. And i would not be afraid to make that perfectly clear.

There are levels of trust though. I would not go snooping around on someones phone. I would like to know first hand by someone involved. If i had to find out the hard way, so be it. Would just give me more confirmation on where i need to put this person regarding level of trust in the future.

i wouldn’t care. my friends are his friends, and vice versa.
but i don’t think i’d be happy about it if he were for some reason texting someone whom i didn’t like, or who didn’t like me.

well, i would see it as a sign of personality incompatibility. if someone truly disliked me, i don’t see how he could want to be friends with them. if i had a friend who truly did not like the man i was with, i would rethink my relationship with one of these people. maybe the friend is wrong, maybe the boyfriend is wrong, but it does mean something.

my ex was a pain in the ***, but i loved him, or i at least loved who i thought he was. a few of my friends nearly hated him and advised me to leave him multiple times. my own parents didn’t really like him. and eventually i found out that they were right. i love and trust these people, and they could see a side of my partner that i didn’t see. it’s something to look at.

my current boyfriend i trust completely. he has never done me wrong or truly been a selfish person. my friends and family all see an incredible person in him. if i befriended a person who disliked or talked bad about my bf, that would take them down a notch in my eyes, and i would not likely remain friends with them. i would think there would be a similar reaction if my boyfriend realized that one of his friends despised me. not only does it indicate that they have a personality that finds opposite qualities to be attractive or unattractive, but it also shows that this friend doesn’t respect my boyfriend enough to at least be polite and respectful about his love life.

my bf can definitely have friends on his own that are not necessarily my friends, but it is my thought that if a person has impressed my bf enough to be considered a friend, then there must be something special about this person. i want to meet my boyfriend’s friends, and he wants to share them with me.

we have different interests and different personalities, so sometimes we do hang with different crowds, and that’s fine. some people i am not particularly fond of, and though he’ll invite me to hang out, i’ll usually just tell him to go ahead without me. i don’t think a boyfriend should be intentionally excluding me, but he doesn’t have to limit himself to only the type of situations i prefer.

i suppose i should amend my original statement. it takes a lot for me to dislike someone. if i had my reasons for doing so, my bf would listen to me. if he didn’t then i would ask him to tell me what was appealing about this person. he has changed my mind about people before, for good reason. but for him to actively seek out someone who clearly disliked me, and give no reason, and keep it secretive, well that’s a red flag for me.

Siren wrote:
ok thats fair enough. tbh i dont know why this guy still insists on talking to me. i told him to leave me alone and treat me like i didnt exist and for a week he did, we completely avoided each other but then he came to talk to me. he could have avoided me if he wanted to but he didnt. and i walked away to deal with a customer and he waited for me to return before going home. hes a good guy and seems really understanding but i complete slag his gf off and he still insists on talking to me. i dont get it.

well this is probably a case where there are multiple problems throughout the relationship. the most obvious one is that he doesn’t mind cheating on his girlfriend. another might be that she’s jealous of every girl who he talks to, maybe she knows he’s a cheater. it doesn’t seem like their relationship is being held together by much to begin with. i wouldn’t be surprised if they did specific things just to spite each other. it’s just a fundamentally f—ed situation. he doesn’t care about hurting his girlfriend. he’s only in it for him.

to be honest they both sound like crummy people. he won’t break up with her, but complains about her and cheats with other girls. she’s using him for a ride to work, and terrorizes the other girls he shows interest in. it’s a bad situation and it’s too late to wash your hands of it.

Go through his phone and find out and if he was texting someone else I would blame him and the girl and **** him off be stupid to take him back after that but so many ppl I know have so it’s their loss.

Its common to blame “the other person” even though you usually know its your gf/bf… the idea being to corner them into either a) admitting their guilt or b) forcing them to debase the other person. Rarely will someone stop you and say “hey! I’m the one texting them its my fault not theirs!”

a wild ozy appears wrote:
to be honest they both sound like crummy people. he won’t break up with her, but complains about her and cheats with other girls. she’s using him for a ride to work, and terrorizes the other girls he shows interest in. it’s a bad situation and it’s too late to wash your hands of it.

Agree. The guy wants female attention–and from different females. He knows that drives a girlfriend nuts. He wants to be perceived as God’s gift to women–with all of these women showering him with attention and adulation.

He’s bad news, and his girlfriend is bad news.

And where you work is a snakepit! Get out!