I love her, but don’t know what to do.
My name is J. I’m here to lay my story on the table and see what people say about my current situation. I have no clue how long this is going to be, but I need advise.
I met a woman my junior year of high school, here name is M. We started of as just friends, she was dating a friend of mine at the time. We became really close while they were so dating. But once they spilt I was too nervous to ask her out. Her friend actually had to corner me in a hallway and point blank told me to ask her out. We dated for a small time before she found someone new, but we remained friends. She lost her virginity to this guy, and he ended up treating her like crap. She went back and forth between me and this guy, I loved her at this point so I dealt with my personal pain. We did have sex, and we had it very often. But it was something i never felt with anther woman. I had this feeling that when i was with her, all I wanted to do was make her feel like the only woman that mattered and she saw this. The sex and our desire to love each other for who we are really strengthened our bond. By the end of high school she finally came around and told me that she loved me too. We had a great time being together through the school year and summer. But she was going to college in another state, and I was enlisting in the military. So at the end if the summer we went out ways promising each other we’d hold on to each other.
Now I should tell you I’m not prefect, I smoked weed in high school and I had a bad habit of lying. I still lie about things, especially when I’m hurt. Anyways, when I enlisted I want in my right state of mind. I had a goal of being deployed and dying for my country, so i sent her a letter ending everything. It truly is my biggest regret ever. But after the shock of being in boot camp went away I realized I just wanted to live and be with her, I thought about her every waking moment while I was in. And that pain hurt more than anything. We kept in contact very rarely at this point. I think she was seeing someone new, but I understood her need to find someone new. I ended up dating a woman on base just to get over her. I screwed up by saying M’s name while in bed with the new girl. You can laugh, I still do when I think about it. Anyways I ended up leaving the military due to medical reasons.
After a year of not seeing her I didn’t really know where we stood. She said she hadn’t been with anyone and I said the same (we both learned the truth much later down the road). She we started talking again. I ended up just maintaining a full time job and living at home till I could afford my own place. We lived our seperate lives, both knowing that connection was still there between us. During this time I would swing back and for on if what I felt was really love. It’s get mad at her for things that I shouldn’t like hanging out with friends and going camping. I’d get so jealous that I’d just stop talking to her for months. But she always contacted me first, and u could easily fall back into the way I felt. I never got to visit her in college but I still loved her the same, and she still felt what I felt. I eventually found out that she had been with a guy for 3 years at college, she loved hun but she told me it wasn’t the same. Her loved her for the sex, not her self and her personality.
During this time I dated a new women named A. I liked A, she was fun to be around and go do things with, but I never felt like she was the one for me. She told me she loved me during the middle of our second month, and i couldn’t say it back. It just didn’t feel right. This really bothered A, but she said she understood and would give me time. Around month 3 she was still saying it and I couldn’t. I guess it pushed her over the edge cause she ended up cheating on me. I was hurt but I moved on.
Now she’s moved to Houston to for her career, and we’re still stuck with these feelings for each other. 7 years of knowing her and my heart still skips a beat when i hear her voice. I have lied to her when I found out that she had been with other men. I was jealous and hurt that I had to one up her and said I had relations with many other women. We ended up telling each other the truth a few months ago. And since then we’ve laid everything out on the table. She wants to try and find someone new but can’t find someone that’ll love her for who she is, not just the sex. I’m okay with her so looking, I actually encourage her to do it even though it kills me on the inside. I’m going to keep looking as well, but I know no woman will make new feel the way she does. What do we do? I love her enough to let her keep looking, but I want her so badly. And she still loves me but I’m not financially set in my life, and she wants someone who is.
Any advise would be helpful, I’ll also answer any questions you have.
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