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Virgin Problems

I’ve been seeing a boy for a few months now. We aren’t exactly officially dating(for my own reasons) but we like each other a lot. I spend the night at his place often. We don’t have sex but we do other things.I want to put in as much detail as I can to get a helpful answer, so sorry if this is graphic. He has fingered me and has gone done on me. I haven’t given him any type of oral or even touched him “down there”.Can I continue to let him go down on me/finger me without giving him a blow job? Is that selfish of me? He’s a few years older than me and has a lot of sexual experience. I’m a virgin and the most sexual experience i have had is with him. He doesn’t know I’m a virgin and I’m embarrassed to tell him now because a long time ago I told him I wasn’t and I can’t tell him I lied now. I want to dress up for him and look sexy, but if I wear lingerie does that mean he’ll think I want to have sex? He knows I’m not ready for sex, but he doesn’t know it’s because I’m a virgin. Can I wear lingerie without him thinking I want to have sex? We have great sexual chemistry and I know sex would be great with him, but I’m just not ready. Again, sorry if this is too personal/graphic. I could really use some advice, especially from a males perspective.

This open post was written 3 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 312, 6, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Anonymous edited this post 3 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »

Virgin Problems
I’ve been seeing a boy for a few months now. We aren’t exactly officially dating(for my own reasons) but we like each other a lot. I spend the night at his place often. We don’t have sex but we do other things.I want to put in as much detail as I can to get a helpful answer, so sorry if this is graphic. He has fingered me and has gone done on me. I haven’t given him any type of oral or even touched him “down there”.Can I continue to let him go down on me/finger me without giving him a blow job? Is that selfish of me? He’s a few years older than me and has a lot of sexual experience. I’m a virgin and the most sexual experience i have had is with him. He doesn’t know I’m a virgin and I’m embarrassed to tell him now because a long time ago I told him I wasn’t and I can’t tell him I lied now. I want to dress up for him and look sexy, but if I wear lingerie does that mean he’ll think I want to have sex? He knows I’m not ready for sex, but he doesn’t know it’s because I’m a virgin. Can I wear lingerie without him thinking I want to have sex? We have great sexual chemistry and I know sex would be great with him, but I’m just not ready. Again, sorry if this is too personal/graphic. I could really use some advice, especially from a males perpective. thanks

Anonymous edited this post 3 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »

Virgin Problems
I’ve been seeing a boy for a few months now. We aren’t exactly officially dating(for my own reasons) but we like each other a lot. I spend the night at his place often. We don’t have sex but we do other things.I want to put in as much detail as I can to get a helpful answer, so sorry if this is graphic. He has fingered me and has gone done on me. I haven’t given him any type of oral or even touched him “down there”.Can I continue to let him go down on me/finger me without giving him a blow job? Is that selfish of me? He’s a few years older than me and has a lot of sexual experience. I’m a virgin and the most sexual experience i have had is with him. He doesn’t know I’m a virgin and I’m embarrassed to tell him now because a long time ago I told him I wasn’t and I can’t tell him I lied now. I want to dress up for him and look sexy, but if I wear lingerie does that mean he’ll think I want to have sex? He knows I’m not ready for sex, but he doesn’t know it’s because I’m a virgin. Can I wear lingerie without him thinking I want to have sex? We have great sexual chemistry and I know sex would be great with him, but I’m just not ready. Again, sorry if this is too personal/graphic. I could really use some advice, especially from a males perpective. thanks

Padre J Roulston offline Verified User (4 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 572 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 2 weeks ago (3 hours, 17 minutes after post)

Good relationships are built on the trinity of: trust, communication, and mutual respect.
If one pillar is missing then the relationship is going to be miserable, if more than one are missing the relationships is almost guaranteed to fail.

You need to be truthful and honest with each other. that is the only way the relationship will succeed.

However, you sound young. And I would recommend not engaging in any further sexual activity until the relationship is firmly cemented.
Sex is a powerful thing and is not what the relationship should be built upon.

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Anonymous #
3 months, 2 weeks ago (3 hours, 35 minutes after post)

Everything in the relationship is going well. He’s a great guy. I don’t want this one lie to ruin what we have. I’m 18, so yes I guess I’m young. What do you mean by cemented? That i’m completely honest with him?

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Padre J Roulston offline Verified User (4 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 572 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 2 weeks ago (3 hours, 42 minutes after post)

Many of today’s youth jump into a relationship to have sex. There is no basis for the relationship aside from sex… and almost every one will fail because of that.
When I say a cemented relationship I mean to have a good relationship with basis. Real love, trust, and knowledge.

And if you are in a good relationship then by telling the truth will only make the relationship stronger. He will understand and the relationship will move forward.

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michele_lee_perry offline Verified User (5 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 26 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months, 2 weeks ago (7 hours, 38 minutes after post)

1vir·gin noun \ˈvər-jən\
1
a : an unmarried woman devoted to religion
b capitalized : virgo
2
a : an absolutely chaste young woman

If he’s penetrated you, you’re not a virgin anymore. You lost your virginity to a finger. He may not have penetrated you with his penis, but it’s still sex. Oral copulation is sex. You’ve had sex. With someone you’re not in a relationship with.

I don’t believe this is what you really want. Did he pressure you for sex and you gave it to him because you’re scared he won’t be interested anymore? That’s a terrible reason to have sex or be in a relationship.

Casual sex complicates your life in ways you wouldn’t believe. Your gut feeling is that you don’t want sex with him now. Go with your gut. If he really loves you (should you even entertain sleeping with someone you’re not in love with?) then he will value you and the relationship enough to put a ring on your finger. Even if YOU don’t want marriage, you’re not even in a relationship except this kinda sorta thing with no real boundaries. You’ve only been dating a few months. Just because he’s a great guy doesn’t mean anything. ANY guy you date more than once should be a great guy? Why would you go out with a not great guy?

You’ll just confuse him with the lingerie. Lingerie is used to stir up sexual passion. You know that.

You’re conflicted and confused. Really not fair to your ‘friend’ not to know how you feel and where you stand and for you to know the same about them. Why don’t you just talk to him? If you can’t talk to him now, how are you ever going to be able to talk to him? What kind of relationship is THAT going to make?

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