Love help: How can i let her go even though i will still love her but a relationship will never work. - Help.com

I wont go into details… But ‘the heart wants what the heart wants’. Advice i have gotten is “let things be.” I am gonna learn acceptance and see how things turn out. I like the comment about still loving. Never stop loving~!

“Let things be” or “just be” is actually a common thing to hear in a situation like this because most people like giving out answers that seem easy. Have you tried to talk to her? Have you actually tried to make the relationship work? And I don’t mean subtly, I mean directly letting her know that you actually love her enough that you are not willing to let go of your love for her, no matter what. The main issues that generate conflict in a relationship is improper communication between the two people, and it might just be that,that makes it seem impossible but actually isn’t. She may not know at all that you love her still, and she may still love you more than you know. Are you willing to just forget her, dispose of her and her significance in your life by just “letting things be”? If you are willing to do that, you don’t really love her. I know exactly how you feel, however there were certain circumstances by which restricted me from actually fighting for my love. Instead I chose to let him go and figure out his feelings for me before allowing him any more special treatment. However, with other people involved I was forced into a corner and forced to relinquish my ties with him. . . in order for him to live his life without burden and better chance of happiness. I acknowledged that there was something necessary I had to do, a sacrifice I had to make in order for him to be happy, and I made it in a heartbeat. The difference between you and I however, is that I was more than willing to fight for my love, protect him, and ensure his happiness by any cost. And I never doubted my love for him. It was he who doubted and in turn made a relationship between us unfair to him, making me the one who had to decide upon the fate of our relationship. A relationship is not impossible between two people, it’s the people who make things seem impossible. If you are still thinking about her. . . that should not be painful. Would you rather forget her completely, not be able to remember her face, the way she made you feel? Cherish her if you love her. Let her know, so that at the very least, she can help you feel a little better.

AFter 22 years of marriage, I have come up against a wall of mistrust. She had a fling while deployed 10 years ago. I knew about it, though not from her. I asked her to stop. Before she left, I told her if she had to, I’d understand if she’s do the same. After several attempts, I found I couldn’t make it work and be comfortable without her. SHe didn’t seem to have the same problem and when I asked her to stop, she said I couldn’t change the rules of the game. GAME, like my love for her was aparlor trick.
10 years on, I’ve never been able to understand why she couldn’t call it off when I told her I couldn’t do it, I loved her too much to fool around. SHe has never attempted in any meaningful way to give me closure on the affair and I am finding it hard to trust her. Is it the 10 year anniversary thing? If I can’t find that trust again, I can’t stay with her. THe kids are all now graduated and starting their lives.
I love her more than my own life, but when I have questions about her and her new friends, I get anger and resentment. How can she NOT understand my fear?

schraderric, that was an amazing post. Exactly where I am now. Surfing the net to make sense when the answer is, there are no exact right answers. My wife of 11 years told me a month ago that she wanted a divorce. Completely caught me off guard and I know that sounds crazy but I didn’t see it coming. She said she wanted to work on it but then never engaged in the process. I made 3 appointments for counseling and she just wouldn’t engage. Finally she told me it was over. She was sorry for giving me false hope. OUCH! She said there was no single incident but named 4-5 over several years. She chewed on those all together and never let them go. Eventually all of that resentment took over and pushed the love out. I just can’t simplify it to that level. We have 2 children and at one time were absolutely happy even acknowledged by her now. This shakes me to my absolute core. It makes you question your true beliefs. God, family, commitment, responsibility, self esteem. My biggest question in all of this is when someone chews on all of that resentment for that long and lets it shove the love out, is it truly gone? Seeking knowledge to try and make sense of things is both good and awfull at the same time. I can find countless articles about forgiveness and the ability to love again. In the majority of cases, it says it can happen. So now I will have to live with the fact that I think it was possible and she couldn’t or wouldn’t even ask the question. The sadness of that is paralyzing.

jalong, I get what you’re going through. My wife and I just filed for divorce after being separated for 5 years. She didn’t give us a chance to work it out. I’d stayed in love with her for most of those 5 years. She fell in love with a married guy, who turned out to be a real sleazebag. I tried everything I could to earn her love back. You could evaluate my efforts as either heroic or insane, and perhaps they’re both accurate descriptions. I never hid my devotion to her. I had a friend once tell me that it’s better to say what’s on you mind, rather than regret not saying it years later… I have mixed feelings about that now. It’s been quite a journey for me… I reinvented myself hoping that these changes would help her see me in a better more positive and desirable light. I endeavored to earn a PhD in neuroscience. (Not a great reason to return to school.) After all was said and done, a few weeks ago I sent her an email saying I was ready to go forward with a divorce. She sent me a pretty lame response. She said she hoped I could forgive her for the pain she caused me… and hoped we’d both find peace in the future, she also hinted at us becoming friends in the future (that will not happen… she’s treated me with such disrespect… there is not a possibility of that… although I would have hoped it could be different). Being the completely hopeless romantic I called her after receiving her response… and she hadn’t changed a bit; she still wanted nothing to do with me and was still distant and cold, rude… she couldn’t spend 10 minutes talking to the man she had been married to for nearly 20 years. Did I regret calling her and holding on to her all those years? Perhaps it’s too early to be sure. I do have two grown children. Perhaps for their sake I’m glad they know that I tried to make it work with their mom. Still, I regret the toll it took on my self esteem. I sort of feel that if I had held back, and just moved on it would have had the same effect, with the difference that I would have preserved some self respect. So, I know you’re going to be hearing a lot of advice from friends and family, who mean well. But this is something you have to go through on your own. All I can tell you is that there is one thing you must do, the one thing I wished I had done: take great care in protecting your self esteem. Work out, eat right… spend time doing healthy activities, friends, family, things that make you feel alive, etc.. Act like you don’t care, better yet somehow convince yourself that you don’t care… indifference is a powerful weapon in winning the attention of any woman. I know that sort of sounds silly and lame, but women run faster when you chase them. In the end you’d want her to stay and work things out because deep in her heart that is what she desires and not because of some stupid emotional game of cat and mouse. On the other hand, chasing rarely works (so I hear and from my personal experience), so why bother? Be well and use this time to work on yourself. Try to become comfortable with being alone… it’s a valuable skill that is lost when you’ve been married for a while. Btw, I’ve met a wonderful lady… she’s a lot younger, really intelligent, sweet and beautiful. It didn’t work out too bad. There is a tomorrow for you. :)

there is only one thing Ive learn in the letting go. ” Never push away the one you by trying to hold on to her”. Love can olny be proved in the letting go. So let go an let gone.

smoke a J

try by all means but dont become obsessed and make a fool of yourself, give her space and time to miss you and if she comes back then you’ll know.I messed up my chance and she wants to be friends, as if i should give her my company and then get a frontrow seat when she gets someone else. play a little hard to get too.

When a person says they don’t love you let go.You can’t make someone love you. They will only come back if they want to. They will always find a reason why you can’t come back. Use common sense,if they wanted to be with you that’s where they would be.Go ahead beat yourself up instead of facing reality. The longer you chase them the futher you push them away. When you begged and pleaded,how did that work out for you? I made all those mistakes. If your there all the time how will they ever know if they miss you? Learn to forgive and let go. You will be a better person for it. Remember what they say. Set it free. If it loves you it will come back.

It angers me that i must drop it. but i have no choice but to remain on the sidelines and only help out where im needed. i cannot care for me any more all i care is that she is happy. This will remain with me for a long time. it may feel like failure but somewhere inside me i done the right thing.

The excruciating pain of my hands, blistered and bleeding as I cling for life to this rope dangling above a pit of molten lava is far less painful than letting go and plunging into the fire; screaming and suffering as my flesh burns and melts away from my hopelessly struggling body. Even if I let go and survive, I’m scared and disfigured with haunting nightmares… for life.

I just can’t stop loving her. The pain of letting go is worse than the pain of holding on.

Ive never hurt my baby but she seems to get mad at me for no reason. iM a great bf and i have been great for 2 years. Im only 16 but i know im in love with her. My heart bleeds for her nd i would trade it all for her. I love her and im not giving up. I feel no love from her nd she duznt appreciate me..i cant let go

I landed on this page looking for advice. I am in love with a woman and we are struggling. she is ‘taking a sebatical’ and has move (temporarily so she says) out of our home. I have no indication that she’s ever coming back. she says she loves me, says she wants to come home, but has to ‘think through some things’. like what? it’s maddening and frsutrating and I’m impatient. I want to get over it and move on. I’m pretty sure I love her, I feel it deep in my heart and soul, but I’m so frustrated that I really just want to ‘get over it’ and move on. Any advice?

beallth wrote:
Mine is the same as alot of other people- after a while- you realize that what you need- they may not be able to give- and what they need- you might not be able to give. Understandably- your needs really aren’t their responsibility- that’s why they’re your needs. My relational problem lied more in how much she didn’t go into our relationship with a personality as developed as mine than it did on who was right or wrong- which meant she subconciously and gradually gave up about 75% of her inderpendance as a person. I didn’t realize it until it was too late to fix it. By then there were issues between us- which stemmed from my general mistrust in others and her own instability. I really do love her- however, I know that right now it’s best that we split- she really needs to develop her personality so that way she can be a strong and balanced person. Without that- we would never work as a couple- because history would most certainly repeat itself. I know that she loves me- whch made the decision to split a much more difficult one than it otherwise would have been- mostly because I have Aspergers’ so therefore intellectual logic tends to be my primary driving force; instead of emotional logic. In every other way her and I were right for each other- however, I’ve learned that if one person has a very strong personality, the other must also have a similar strength in their personality. A personality with less strength shouldn’t be confused with weakness- because I’m referring to the amount of time and work taken into discovering who you are and where you’re going in life before one gets involved in a relationship with anyone> (basically the solidifacation of a personality). I can say with almost 100% certainty that once she finds herself and develops her personality, she’ll make a great spouse. Maybe then we’ll both find our way back to each other.

I meet this girl and i know me and her have this amazing chemistry/connection. Unfortunately, she is lost in who she is while i know myself better everyday. We’ve ran into each other 2 time but she wont give me a chance take her out… i couldn’t figure it out!! it sucked not knowing why… but i think what you posted really nailed it. I just wanted to say thank you. Hopefully this girl can figure her self out when we meet again!

I’ve been going through this for 3 years and after trying to be friends from a really intense chemistry and connection, it saddens me to say and think that I have no choice but to let her go. All of us, our circle of friends have come to a sort of crossroads, we are all trying to figure out our lives, school, jobs…we’re in our early 20’s…one of the primes in life…a time where we need to get our priorities straight. I never knew what real love was until i met her, everything about it…I waited to experience it with someone special, and it was amazing..It was under the wrong circumstances, and i have very much learned from that.

Now though I think we know we need to let eachother go..and I am struggling with that..I find it incredibly hard..My emotions get the best of me, and I always had this really dumb hope that maybe things would work out..

Even when we tried being friends the connection was too strong, She knew i loved her. I believe we were given a strong connection and magnetic attraction and we were not ready for it… Another Timing issue. After holding onto her for 3 years, i am lost..and heartbroken..I know that i cannot even have her in my life as a friend..So with what pieces i got left..Here’s to trying to pick myself up from 3 years of hope…and here’s to trying to find my light again.

lol i have the same problem i can’t let this girl go i try it hurt’s so bad

Ok my gf cheated on me with her ex. But i still loves with all my heart. i try to m it work again. but she’s telling she need time alone
, and i am having trouble letting her go, i keep think about her all the time and it is killing me in the inside. What should i do. What can i
do to get over her.