Person help: yesterday i died - finally… it’s been a long time coming. - Help.com

The geat blessing of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.
Seneca
(7 B.C. - 65 A.A.)

i’m not sure if you are really have suicidal thoughts or not but i thought this quote might help.

“The great thing about suicide is that it’s not one of those things you have to do now or you lose your chance. I mean, you can always do it later.”
Harvey Fierstein quotes (American actor and playwright b.1954)

i’m sure you haven’t tried every thing yet, life is already short it will end by itself if you just kept trying.
you may try to travel to a different place, different people and a different culture. where you can lose your bad habits.

(email removed)

Trust me, my friend. Air feels much better in your lungs than water.
Come up for air. Take a look around. There’s a beautiful world waiting just outside this mudhole you’re drowning in.

I’m not sure why, but I thought of Hamlet’s most famous lines when I read your post.
“To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?”

Why not fight your troubles? Take arms againt this sea you’re drowning in! It’s a hard fight, but it is by far the best way to descover your own strength.

If you need a friend, just reach one hand out of the water. You’d be surprised sometimes by who finds you, and could help you pull yourself out. You may still be wet and cold for a while after, but I’m sure you’ll shake it off.

God Bless.

-Sas