Joke help: CHUCK NORRIS JOKES! - Help.com

chuck norris sleeps with a night light in his room, not because hes afriad of the dark, but the dark is afraid of him!!

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t f***** with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On the first day god created chuck norris. on the second he sent him to earth on the third he told him to die. chuck norris just sat there with a grin on his face thinking…when god asked what he was thinking about chuck norris responded with a kick to the face…no one askes what chuck norris thinks about not even god.

once a donkey kicked chuck norris. chuck norris roundhouse kicked it in the face. moral of the day don’t treat chuck norris like a jackass

Mexicans are what comes out when chuck norris roundhouse kicks a white person in the face

chuck norris cooked minute rice in 30 seconds

chuck norris invented water

chuck norris let the dogs out

chuck norris doesnt listen to music music listens to chuck norris

chuck norris completed halo 3 without picking up the controler

chuck norris tinks he taw a putty tat

chuck norris did not go to school the school went to chuck norris

They are not jokes. THEY ARE FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the perodic table because he only belives in the element of supprise.

chuck norris dosnt wear a condom because there is no protection from chuck norris

i was laughing my *** off over the woodchuck one XD

did you know that one chuck norris round house kick to the face (CNrhkttf) is equeal to 5 million suns becasue he is hung like a horse lol and he potatoe sacs every one that lays down

“Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race”

“Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween”

“Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ, however, Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it”

“Chuck Norris can say to a waitress, ‘can i have your number just kidding just kidding,’ and get it”

Chuck Norris once sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th. Even though it wasn’t his birthday, Jesus was too scared to correct him. And so cchristmas is on December 25th.

God said, “Let there be light!” Churck Norris said, “Say please”

They once invented Chuck Norris toilet paper. but it was recalled, because it wouldn’t take **** from anyone.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris dosen’t poop, he drops Bombs.

Once while he was walking in the mountians,Chuck norris got bitten by a verry poisonous snake. after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.

Chuck Norris watches 1 hour long films the whole way through in 2 minutes.

The dinosaurs went exticnt from Chuck Norrissaurs

The only person who cried at Chuck’s birth was the doctor, NEVER slap Chuck Norris…

Chuck Norris can run around the world so fast he can punch himself in the back of the head.

First rule of Chuck Norris, don’t talk about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Whenever Chuck does a push up, he isn’t pushing himself up, but the world down.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris, but they usually grow up just to be killed by him.

Chuck Norris crossed the road, no-one has dared question his motives.

There is, infact, enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris can raise the roof, and he can do so with one hand.

And God said let there be light then chuck norris said turn it off im trying to sleep here

Kathy rung up Chuck Norris

Jovanni Baez CAN believe it’s not butter

Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.

The Juggernaut can run through walls but Chuck Norris can run through the Juggernaut.

one day chuck norris went hiking in the mountains when a rattlesnake bit him.after a week of excruciating pain the snake finally died.

Chuck Norris burns ants with magnafying glasses……in the dark

chuck norris was once an original guest on sesame street. he wasn’t asked to come back after snuffalupagus ate his sandwich. many muppets died that day.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees

chuck norris is the real mother nature

Rofl
i cant breathe
epic

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you to death before you can say”Chuck Norris canno-(roundhouse kicked)”

One day Bruce Lee kicked Chuck Norris in the balls……..The world stopped rotating, Chuck threw his mightiest kick ever. Bruce’s head was found on Jupiter.

they say chuck norris his tears they cure cancer the only problem is chuck norris never cries.
LOL!!!!

Chuck Norris once lost his left teste in a knife fight…you may now know it by its technical name: Jupitar

you heard the saying “the devil made me do it” the devil says “Chuck Norris made me do it”

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lol these are so funny

im a christian and i think you all need christ

chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

i got one…….chuck norris use to be a fireman and one day he had sex in the firetruck and accidently got some of his sperm in the engine and then the truck became optimus prime

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. And thats the reason Bobby Fischer is in hiding.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck norris

But we all know That post is a lie……Chuck Norris never falls EVER!

One day Chuck Norris went to The Virgin Islands…when he left it was just The Islands

Chuck Norris’ first roundhouse kick is known as the Big Bang

Chuck Norries died 10 years ago, but death is afraid to tell him his dead

a gun sleeps with chuck norris under the pillow

chuck norris once roundhouse kick someone so hard he went back in time and killed amelia airheart when she was flying around the pafic ocean

google can’t find chuck norris,he finds google

google can’t find chuck norris, he finds google

chuck norris doesnt own a phone his beard sends electromagnetic signals

The reason why God rested on the seventh day is because he created Chuck Norris on the sixth.

Windows7 was Chuck Norris’ idea.

When the boogyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes babies….. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. He stopped all the bullets with his beard, but JFK’s head exploded from sheer awesomeness.

Chuck Norris and Mr.T walked into a bar. The bar then exploded because that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

The aurora borialis is not a natueral phenomena, it is simply the sun reflecting off of chuck norris’ beard.