Since writing this post kvictory39 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. kvictory39 is a verified member, has been around for 6 years, 8 months and has 25 posts and 100 replies to their name.
chuck norris sleeps with a night light in his room, not because hes afriad of the dark, but the dark is afraid of him!!
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck norris once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King…. and got one!
When chuck norris falls in water, he doesnt get wet. The water gets “chuck Norris”
Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction. Chuck norris lives in the USA.
Oh hey, heres a whole site full of em.
one of my favs
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
just tell me them
itll be more fun for everyone
Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Unless you’re Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
i like the football team one, and the roundhouse kick one
the most honorable death is to take a bullet for chuck norris, this amuses him. because chuck norris is bullet proof
Rules of fighting: 1) Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don’t bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
In the medical community, death is referred to as “Chuck Norris Disease”
when chuck norris comes into a room he doesnt turn the lights on, he turns the dark off
Chuck Norris’s version of a “chocolate milkshake” is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
they came out with a chuck norris video game. and everyone kept returning it saying it was broken because all you could do was a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is “his” way.
harry potter has to be based in england because if you say,”he who must not be named”, in america they all know your talking about chuck norris
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
hahahaha……..they filmed every fight scene in walker texasranger with the same 15 minutes of chuck norris footage
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris’ pulse is measured on the richter scale.
hahaha………kids wear superman pj’s. superman wheres chuck norris pj’s
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
Speaking of horses…
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool’s head off.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground
Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The “C-section” is named after Chuck Norris, for when he roundhouse kicked himself through his mother’s stomach.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
(I personally love the last two)
dude, the C section one was awesome.
Those are hilarious!
anymore? i challenge you to find more
there is no such thing as global warming, chuck norris just got cold so he turned up the sun
i didnt see this one- though someone might have already put it down.
When chuck norris eats rocks he ***** diamonds
well why doenst the moon fall back down…. does Chuck Norris hold it there with his mind powers?
hahaha those are funny
chuck norris can lead a horse to water, and make it drink
little kids are afraid of monsters in there closet, monsters are afraid of chuck norris in there closet
the grass is always greener on the otherside of the fence, unless chuck norris was over there, then the grass is coverd with blood and the tears of children
chuck norris sued god for identity fraud
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t f***** with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
I dont get it… that couldnt make you win at all
Hahaha… One guy is like, “I’ve got a royal flush!” And Chuck Norris is like, “I’ve got a…. ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE!!!” Then the 1st guy folds…
On the first day god created chuck norris. on the second he sent him to earth on the third he told him to die. chuck norris just sat there with a grin on his face thinking…when god asked what he was thinking about chuck norris responded with a kick to the face…no one askes what chuck norris thinks about not even god.
once a donkey kicked chuck norris. chuck norris roundhouse kicked it in the face. moral of the day don’t treat chuck norris like a jackass
Mexicans are what comes out when chuck norris roundhouse kicks a white person in the face
rune_master500, what kind of racist a-hole are you? Not even funny ignorant fool!
what did he say?
some racist joke against hispanics
something about “what do you get when you scare a white person, a whole bunch of mexicans” what a jerk
I dont even get it lol.. but still a pric
chuck norris cooked minute rice in 30 seconds
chuck norris invented water
chuck norris let the dogs out
chuck norris doesnt listen to music music listens to chuck norris
chuck norris completed halo 3 without picking up the controler
chuck norris tinks he taw a putty tat
chuck norris did not go to school the school went to chuck norris
They are not jokes. THEY ARE FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the perodic table because he only belives in the element of supprise.
haha, i like that last one.
chuck norris dosnt wear a condom because there is no protection from chuck norris
i was laughing my *** off over the woodchuck one XD
did you know that one chuck norris round house kick to the face (CNrhkttf) is equeal to 5 million suns becasue he is hung like a horse lol and he potatoe sacs every one that lays down
“Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race”
“Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween”
“Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ, however, Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it”
“Chuck Norris can say to a waitress, ‘can i have your number just kidding just kidding,’ and get it”
Chuck Norris once sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th. Even though it wasn’t his birthday, Jesus was too scared to correct him. And so cchristmas is on December 25th.
God said, “Let there be light!” Churck Norris said, “Say please”
They once invented Chuck Norris toilet paper. but it was recalled, because it wouldn’t take **** from anyone.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris dosen’t poop, he drops Bombs.
Once while he was walking in the mountians,Chuck norris got bitten by a verry poisonous snake. after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Chuck Norris watches 1 hour long films the whole way through in 2 minutes.
The dinosaurs went exticnt from Chuck Norrissaurs
The only person who cried at Chuck’s birth was the doctor, NEVER slap Chuck Norris…
Chuck Norris can run around the world so fast he can punch himself in the back of the head.
First rule of Chuck Norris, don’t talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Whenever Chuck does a push up, he isn’t pushing himself up, but the world down.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris, but they usually grow up just to be killed by him.
Chuck Norris crossed the road, no-one has dared question his motives.
There is, infact, enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris can raise the roof, and he can do so with one hand.
And God said let there be light then chuck norris said turn it off im trying to sleep here
Kathy rung up Chuck Norris
Jovanni Baez CAN believe it’s not butter
Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
The Juggernaut can run through walls but Chuck Norris can run through the Juggernaut.
one day chuck norris went hiking in the mountains when a rattlesnake bit him.after a week of excruciating pain the snake finally died.
i think that one’s been done, hasn’t it?
holy carp! this post is a year old!
I guess chuck norris never dies.
Chuck Norris burns ants with magnafying glasses……in the dark
chuck norris was once an original guest on sesame street. he wasn’t asked to come back after snuffalupagus ate his sandwich. many muppets died that day.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees
I found posts I did on here like a year in a half ago…
chuck norris was having sex in a mobile home, some of his sperm escaped and went into the muffler we know this mobile home today as optomis prime.
Chuck norris can eat three 72oz. steaks in i hour and spend the first 55 min, having sex with the waitress.
Kids like to piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris pisses his name in the concrete
chuck norris is the real mother nature
i cant breathe
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you to death before you can say”Chuck Norris canno-(roundhouse kicked)”
One day Bruce Lee kicked Chuck Norris in the balls……..The world stopped rotating, Chuck threw his mightiest kick ever. Bruce’s head was found on Jupiter.
they say chuck norris his tears they cure cancer the only problem is chuck norris never cries.
Chuck Norris once lost his left teste in a knife fight…you may now know it by its technical name: Jupitar
you heard the saying “the devil made me do it” the devil says “Chuck Norris made me do it”
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag
lol these are so funny
im a christian and i think you all need christ
chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
i got one…….chuck norris use to be a fireman and one day he had sex in the firetruck and accidently got some of his sperm in the engine and then the truck became optimus prime
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. And thats the reason Bobby Fischer is in hiding.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck norris
But we all know That post is a lie……Chuck Norris never falls EVER!
One day Chuck Norris went to The Virgin Islands…when he left it was just The Islands
Chuck Norris’ first roundhouse kick is known as the Big Bang
Chuck Norries died 10 years ago, but death is afraid to tell him his dead
a gun sleeps with chuck norris under the pillow
chuck norris once roundhouse kick someone so hard he went back in time and killed amelia airheart when she was flying around the pafic ocean
google can’t find chuck norris,he finds google
google can’t find chuck norris, he finds google
chuck norris doesnt own a phone his beard sends electromagnetic signals
The reason why God rested on the seventh day is because he created Chuck Norris on the sixth.
Windows7 was Chuck Norris’ idea.
When the boogyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes babies….. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. He stopped all the bullets with his beard, but JFK’s head exploded from sheer awesomeness.
Chuck Norris and Mr.T walked into a bar. The bar then exploded because that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
The aurora borialis is not a natueral phenomena, it is simply the sun reflecting off of chuck norris’ beard.
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