I was in a relationship with a guy for 8 months.
I lost my virginity to him..and he was my first love. I broke up with him because he got abusive..as in hitting, being possesive and very jealous, makeing my life horrible. And now that im not with him, i feel so lost. I miss him so much. I still talk to him and no one knows that i do. I want to be with him, and i know its like impossible. I dont know what to do. Im sooo confused. I dont even know if this is the right place where i should be saying something like this..but ive been keeping it in..Someone help me.
Since writing this post Shortybaby13 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Shortybaby13 is not a verified member, has been around for 6 years, 1 month and has 1 posts and 4 replies to their name.
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dear one - this is why God wants us to wait for marriage - you have a right to be so confused and in so much pain. it is extremely painful to be going though what you are going through right now. i wish i could be there with you. reach out to other people. keep coming here. find a group to join, sports, theater, art… church, look around they are out there. eat healthy foods, take walks or exercise, call old friends or make new ones. do, do, do - but do not call him. take a hot bath, paint your nails, read a good book, study, come here and chat with me. this is a learning experience. we all have them and yours is a toughy - but still, as you go forward - get ready - something good is going to happen - having nothing to fo with him - and he will be a shadow in your prayers… pray for him! I will pray for you please pray for me.
Shorty, let’s talk about why you want to be with a known abuser? Are either of your parents an addict or abuser? Were you abused in any way wen your were younger? Are you chasing your virginity? If so, you know it is impossible to get back.
I’m going try and tell you what you should do but I can say that in all the instances that I’ve seen (ranging from teenagers to adults) it never turns out good. If you really “love” this guy then nothing anyone says on here is going to change your mind. Just realize that whatever your choice is, whatever the outcome is, it will be on your head. Make sure you choose wisely.
Candp–Its not that i want to be with a known abuser..Im just so in love with him…and i dont even want to love him anymore..i feel like i have nothing to live for anymore..Im one of those girls..where no one understands me. NO ONE. I am the only one who understands who i am. It is so hard to walk into school everyday knowing everyone hates you, and everything seems dark, Like the sun never shines..I dont know…I just want out…Out of love..Out of life..Just out.
And W– Thank you. I pray everyday..every night..in my head during the day. Its so hard you have no idea. I have been trying to keep busy..studying like crazy, dancing, writing, but then when i try and sleep..I have nightmares, i wake up every hour on the hour..I wish it would stop. I wish the pain would stop.
Sorry, made a mistake. I meant to say that I’m NOT going to try and tell you what do. Sorry, my mistake
Mr Stansell–Thank you too. I always think about what the outcome would be if i was to be with him again..and it scares me to death. Im very confused. I do love him..but the fact is..i dont wanna love him anymore, but ive been through so much with him, its hard to let go. I am very alone in my world. I have no friends..only aquaintences..I am veryyy quiet..never eat..dont sleep.. I dont know what to do. I am even seeing a therapist and shes one of those..”And how do you feel about that” kinda person.
Another suggestion could be just try and focus on other things. Yeah its gonna suck but its a way to deal. Try and connect with other people. To tell you the truth I been in the same “no friends…only aquaintences” situation. Some of those aquanintences actually ended up being some of my best friends, but every situation is different. I wish you luck.
Shorty, we assume by your name you are 13. Is that true? If so you have only lived about 1/6th of your lifetime. We guarantee you will have many many other relationships as long as you stick around and keep trying. We would like you to give consideration to the possibility that you feel you love the boy that took your virginity. That boy was a fake, a manipulator, controller and abuser in sheeps clothing. Do you agree. In other words you are in love with the fantasy created by his misleading behavior in the beginning, most likely so he could see you as a conquest, not a live human being with feelings. These facts say absolutely nothing about what kind of person you are and everything about what kind of person he is. If you are truly entertaining the thought of suicide or self harm in any way you desperately need to develop some positive coping skills in life. You are an intelligent, good person. Why wouldn’t you want to act like one?
i have been having a hard time sleeping too - i understand u more than you know. it is good to just lay and relax - sleep is better, but relaxing is very good. when you can’t - come here and be with company. it is exactly what i am doing now. i really understand being the only one who understands myself - except sometimes here it is not true :)
scenario where you do not have to give up on him.
he changes his life around and comes looking for you with a great job, new life, new friends, respect in the community…. whatever most excellent turn around you can imagine… what will you have been doing? and if it is not this guy maybe it will be someobe else… get ready - focus on your hope… hope - it is not only good to hope, but it is ok because who the heck knows what’s going to happen!?
Just remember the only thing you can control is YOU.
Relax, take hot showers, drink water, - aromatherapy?
Breath in slowly (for maybe 5 seconds) through your nose and then out your mouth and repeat.
Visualize you are on a sandy warm peaceful beach, or under the ahade of a big old tree on sunny day… or any other place that sounds peaceful to you. Imagine God is with you and watching over you as you rest, protecting, comforting, reassuring, loving you and helping you prepare for another day…
Candp- actually she’s 15, but I don’t think that changes your message.
Thank you Mr. Stansell. No ir really doesn’t change it.
Of course you feel a connect with him ,you lost your virginity to him! And you will never forget him because he was your first love. But I know you dont want to be someone thats abusive. I can tell by your post you know he is dangerous. And guys like that are munipulative so he probably wasn’t the guy you thought he was. Just keep yourself busy try to meet new people. I know its hard ,its so hard but you will eventually get over him. You will find someone that treats you with respect and love that you deserve. In the meantime maybe you can go to a therapist…if you cant afford one or dont want your parents to know about you can call teen abuse hotlines…they are open 24/7 and their free their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
You may not be in the relationship anymore but your still hurting. stay strong and stay safe!
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