Family help: I am a mother of two Boys 15 and 19 my oldest has been in trouble - Help.com

Well Comming from a person who was in himself a wreckless teen. the only way to get through his head is to let him make his own path. Now I know that sounds stupid. But in his eyes hes invincible and when he sees life from the other side of the cage(jail) even if its just an overnighter he may very well start singing a different tune. Try possibly talking to a few of his close friends and see if mabey they can help with the drinking and driving. And If worse comes to worse turn him in yourself..anonymosly of course…I know this may unreal but what if he were to kill someone drinking and driving or himself thats a pain almost too unbearable to explain. i mean tough love may be the answer

This is tough and I’m sorry you are going through this with him. The sad realization is that telling him isn’t going to do anything. You can talk until you are blue in the face. Teens need to make their mistakes. I hate to give you such advise but it’s the only one I can think of. Let him go to jail. Or give him the option of going to the jobcorp. He would need to do it on his own. But they disipline and teach them a trade. He needs to be scared straight. Find out if there is a scared straight program in your area. Good luck.

I have a 26 yr old boy now who is in jail. If there is anything in my parenting that I did wrong, it would lean toward being too strict. So in reference to what kit was saying about her nephew and I must say have seen that scenero It seems to me you can only do the best you can as a parent consistently attempting to make the best decisions for our children but ultimately they have their own will. We can try to persway them in the direction we want them to go in but in the end they will go where they want to go,

I am 19, so I believe I know exactly what will get through to him. Take the keys, take freedoms, and take privaleges until he shapes up. As long as he lives in your house, he needs to know who’s in charge. Don’t be afraid to be too strict. It’s true that there is a line in discipline, and crossing it never advised, but YOU aren’t the one who crossed any line, HE is. Unless it’s his car that he pays for, it’s your property. You have every right to refuse him access to it. The worst that can happen, (as he’s over 18) is that he could move out and be free from any of your influence, but in that case, it’s no longer your problem. You’ve done all you can do, and it’s HIS fault, not yours. You may want to protect him from himself, but he’s an adult now, and will learn, in one way or another, that he can’t act this way without consequinces.

Best of luck,
Xeno Dragon

Xeno Dragon: It’s easy to say “it’s no longer your problem” after they move out. But your baby is always your baby. Whether they live with you or not. As a parent you have natural instincts to protect your child, even when they aren’t children anymore. It’s very difficult to seperate yourself.
For the parents that have had to see their children go to jail or get into major trouble - my heart goes out. It must be very painful and very difficult.

Ostrande: I wish you the best and hope your son will realize his mistakes before it gets that far. But if it does and he doesn’t - I wish you the strength to handle it.

Double please let xeno have his own veiws. I think he gave a very good mature answer.

I wasn’t not letting him have his own views. I was just replying to what he said. It is a very mature answer. I just wanted to make it clear that it’s not as easy as that. I appologize if I insulted anyone. Didn’t mean to.