Love help: HOW DOES A SOON TO BE MOTHER GET WHAT SHE NEEDS FROM HER HUSBAND? - Help.com

Pregnancy is not a reality for men until after the baby is born. Wait & see if things are different then. We grow up real fast when we have children.

Firstly - I think it’s completely natural to feel scared about a lot of things when life is changing as much as your is - you’re not alone in that. No, I’m not a woman an dI haven’t had children so I can’t speak to that. But being a man, I think it important to voice what I think may be part of what could be in your husband’s mind and heart. I think for many men when a childbirth is pending there is a limit to what we feel like we can do so the focus is to do what we know, what society has taught us to do since we were little boys, what fathers (like yours) have taught us to do - provide. He is focusing his attention on being the provider because he may not know what else to do. So how do you remedy this? Thank him for all he is providing but explain to him that what you need right now is his presence not his presents, his emotional support and not his financial support. Tell him about your fears and if need be the two of you should talk to the doctor or a therapist. I’m sorry I don’t have any experiential expertise but hopefully I was able to help a bit. Take care.

great insight eacoyle.

Well He wont turn into the perfect husband & Dad the moment the baby pops out but you will see a difference in his perception on his life goals & things that are important to him.

That may very well be the case! He could be depressed, he could have feelings of letting you and your baby down and he could be terrified of how he’s going to provide for you two. I think the situation is fairly simple but that doesn’t necessarily mean easy unfortunately. Ideally he’d be the strong one here given all that you are going through emotionally, chemically and physically. But it looks like, at this point, he might not be in a place to be that way. Don’t be afraid to talk to him though and don’t be afraid to lean on other people either.

As far as the not having a job right now thing, I tried to help my hubby by just reminding him that he is not the only one who is responsible to provide for his family, that marriage is a partnership & that I was just as responsible & that he shouldnt feel bad all by himself.

You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for - I can see it in your last post. Even with all that you are going through, you are concerned for his ego and his fragility. Not only am I confident that all will turn out well with him, I think you are going to be a great mother. All the tools seem to be there. I’m envious of the future I envision for you all.

my3sons4ever is so right. Men just don’t get it when your carrying their child. I know I was to do it all. But, when each one of our children were born my husband was in the delivery room and changing diapers. Just wait. It is like that concept about actually getting to touch the baby, holding it, hugging it and the good baby smells.

Hi lovingeachoth,

I concur with the gentleman who spoke for what your husband may be feeling. Your feelings and fears need an audience and I wonder if you have access to other pregnant ladies you could visit with, call, have tea, etc…..

I have not had children but i am something who is very senstivie and I think that perhaps having other ladies in similar situations to talk with will provide the emotional support you’re needing now (sharign similar fears, etc).

Are you part of a community of women?? A church??

Are you a spiritual person? If so, i would recomment the website: www.oneplace.com which has lots of talks about family, children and marriage which may help you battle the thoughts that are plaggin you and making you so discouraged…

Best wishes

It sounds to me that what you mean by partner is someone who will do what you want, the way you want it, even before you can ask to have it.

I know that sounds rediculous, but you did mention that there are ways that he does assist and help. You did mention that he is going through a rough spot as well.

Give your family a chance! The day he sees that child, every choice he makes from that day forward will be different. A fathers love differs from a mothers love. It doesnt make it wrong, just different.