Love help: my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years now and he is currently deployed. - Help.com

You sound like someone who may be “too nice”. I could easily be wrong about that.

Break up with him. When you do, he’ll tell you that that’s what you want and he doesn’t want it but I suspect he does. He’s probably trying to break up with you and is hoping you’ll do it for him if he’s nasty enough.

If he’s in the military he’s probably under a lot of stress and is seeking ways to relieve it over there. War is hell.

The chances are good that breaking up would be in both of your best interests. It’s possible that you love each other but that a long-distance relationship isn’t in your best interests right now.

If you’re in college, you’re both probably young and if he weren’t deployed, it’s likely that you’d be breaking up anyway as that is how life goes.

Do him a favor and break up with him. I’d predict that your relationship is doomed and that he may be seeking “solace” in the arms of another. Maybe you should both give each other the chance to live in your completely separate circumstances.

What’s he lying about? If he has something to hide there’s probably a reason he’s trying to alienate you.

“Breaking up is hard to do.”

Good luck.

He has something on the side if you ask me. I think he is trying to make you break up with him so he can play the poor victime. Bet you any money. Just break it off in his rear. Sorry but it may be the only way.

sounds pretty similar to my situation. I too was involved with a military man. We were okay at first but when we were seperated we argued so much about the dumbest things. I don’t neccessarly think your guy has anyone on the side.. I keep thinking it’s just a seperation thing. I really wish I could tell you want I think you should do, but unfortunatly my boyfriend ended up dumping me for reason unknown. Good Luck with everything tho.. I just think it’s a seperation thing.

I’m sure he has e-mail. If you don’t know his address try to find it out, It would be a good way to put your point across without him interrupting you. Or write him a letter. Start being overtly independent, be the prize, if he thinks you’re not a sure thing and that maybe he could lose you to someone better if he doesn’t buck up his ideas then he might start treating you right. You deserve it.

Plus, if you tell him your having feeling about other girls he’ll never wanna let you go, every bloke wants a threesome.

but we have done the long distance relationship for 4 and a half years…. so that doesnt bother us. and i did the “i’m breaking up with you” thing before and 2 weeks later he showed up at my house on leave…. took me out to dinner and asked me to marry him….. so i really dont think he is just doing all this to try to get me to leave him

.I don’t think he is either, I’m saying act a bit more independent and make him think that you have many things in your life of which he is but a part of.

The fact is that when you said you’d leave him this made him imagine the sense of loss without you and so he started treating you right which proves my point. I’m not saying tell him your gonna leave him again because he will start seeing it as an empty threat which he can easily fix and then he’ll go back to how he was.

What I am saying is give him the sense of doubt, make him think that you want him but don’t need him, be the 1st to have to hang up sometimes because you have to go out.

As an ex-soldier and bosnia veteren, I’m now married with kids now and from my point of view I’d say get shot of him.
Being deployed for 6/12 months makes or breaks relationships, and to me it sounds like its not making. The fact that he’s verbally abusive to you, wakes you up giving you **** down the phone, knowing you got exams, means he has no respect for you, and it won’t be long before you end up taking a beating. Sorry if this isn’t what you wanna hear, but i’m not gonna make excuses for him, he’s behaving like an *******, so get out while you can.

The guy is obviously under stress and is finding it difficult to handle, he probably finds it hard to vent out or express himself in the rigidity of his job. I suggest you advise him to talk to his divisional officer about his problems or you can always phone up the family relations department and tell them you have concerns about his level of stress. They are experts at sorting things out like this.

this guy just wants someone to come home to and is not interested in your thoughts or feelings. Im currently on deployment now i dont think stress has any part in the way he is treating you.
when your away from someone you love, the last thing you want to do is argue and upset each other.
being away from each other should bring you both closer together not drive you apart.
he is not the one for you. leave him and start enjoying your life.
chin up chick

but this is the third deployment he’s been on and the other two we didn’t have problems like this. just the occasional issue of being apart for so long and having to talk on the phone. normally, for the past almost 5 years, we go three months without seeing each other, then i go up to where he is stationed for spring break or summer or whatever break is going on. he always pays for all of it, because i have to pay for school, and insists that i come up there and always tells me how much he misses me and wants to marry me. his 6 year enlistment is finally up in december and he will finally be moving home. i dont want to leave him now after investing so much into our relationship and then him move home, and i blew it because i broke up with him, when everything may have been fixed.

Chang put it the best. If he loves you, he will insist on listening to you. It’s not worth it to stay with a guy who can’t follow that simple concept. If you let him know that you are seriously unhappy with the way things are going, you will be able to speak with him more freely. If nothing else, your feelings will be out there. You’ve got to be firm with him and tell him that you’re not going to put up with any bull anymore. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. I’ve had to do the same thing myself before, and I am now extremely happily married with an incredibly supportful, loving husband by my side. I had to let someone go to do that, but I’m glad I did.

Get some couple’s therapy any way possible–believe me, it helps. You have GOT to be able to talk to him honestly without him flipping out, or your relationship will become horrible (if it hasn’t already). If you can’t communicate on this most basic level, then there IS no relationship. Please trust me on this, it’s not worth it to hang on to a guy who can’t communicate. Good luck.

how odd is this…… for the FIRST TIME EVER, he called and apologized to me for how he has been acting. he hasn’t apologized for anything in the 5 years we have been together. he like wrote it all down and named each thing one by one… and it was 3am over there. made me feel a lot better but i don’t know if it was just a “i feel guilty” thing or if he really meant it.

well i am glad he apologized, you are the only one that can decide if it is sicere or not, i would have to say that you need to stand your ground- by that i mean let hime know you accept his apology(if that is what you decide to do) but you will NEVER be trated that way again. You have to be able to communicate under all circumstances-good & bad. But also remeber that you can not judge him to harshly as WAR IS HELL! No it is not an excuse for him to mis-treat you but understand the shoes he is in. No he doesn’t express it but he really is living in Hell wherever he is deployed ok. Best of luck to you and please pass a note of thanks to him from me for the job he is doing in our military!

k, sounds much better but next time he starts this crap again dump him and be through with the idiot. honestly, if you’re waiting for marriage to solve things you in for a big mistake. please reconsider the consequences of continuing this relationship it sounds like you deserve someone much better than that.