Oh, yeah. Done that.
So, tell me, what reasons did you have to break up with him when you decided to brek up?
Just that I was afraid of opening up to him. I was afraid that I would get hurt. Typical relationship fears I guess.
Typical for someone who’s been hurt before. Come on. He’s mister perfect? Spill.
He’s a completely different person than I would ever have imagined myself going for.
He’s a dependent guy, (something that normally turns me off) but he’s creative and different. We have the same humor and he’s really talented.
We both have really crappy self esteems and we think the world of each other so it works out really well.
We really just seem to fit.
Oh, please tell me this other woman isn’t dying of cancer or totally manipulating him.
She definitely manipulates him.
He used to put family first always and that was something I found really attractive.
Now he doesn’t spend any time with them, its just so unlike him.
And now he’s not his fun, witty self. He’s quiet and doesn’t make jokes.
I hate that she wants to change the best things about him!
If I were you (and a girl), I’d try to “touch base” with him from time to time (and not every day ; would seem intrusive and like “pounding” him); being his friend and, as the weeks go by, chatting with him just a bit more frequently (not much) each week, and increasing it to almost every day (for just five to ten minutes or so at most) could “make him see the light” with this other girl and relinquish her and he could ask you out again. To start (in confrontational manner or seeingly so..and too often at the beginning.. could damage your friendship or acquaintanceship with him completely.
That’s my advice.
Frank
Tell me if I’m right, here, because I have a clear idea about where this is going, but I need to know if I’m on the right track: You and he had very similar childhoods (at least one hyper-critical or alcoholic parent), which is why you just seem to intuitively understand each other. You fit, I get that, like paper cups — disposable people who sympathize and understand each other’s suffering. She had an abusive childhood (you may not know, but if I’m right about the rest, I’m probably right about this), which turned her into something of a sadist. You and he are probably a tad masochistic — giving and giving to fulfill other people’s wants, hoping they’ll someday give you what you need.
Your fear of commitment might be summed up like this: “I’m afraid to get what I want, because someone will just take it away.”
Am I on the right track?
we will always have those who remain dear to our heart. As we grow and mature we have to give these loved ones their time to grow and spread their wings if we know it will never go anywhere between us. Or we should do what we should have done in the first place and dont let anything stop us from making ammends and being with that person so we dont regret it for the rest of our lives.(yeh I know I have issues)
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some people are not just meant for us. they were meant to be with someone else who they also think they belong to.
he might be silent now or aloof or does not make jokes, but to him and their world they are at their happiest state.
Look he’s taken. You blew it. End of story.
Your excuse that she isnt good enough for him is just that…..an excuse.
Maybe it is just an excuse, but I’m not the only one who thinks that.
I’m really close with his whole family (his sister is my best friend), and have been for over ten years.
His whole family has noticed the change. She is really controlling, and doesn’t let him spend time with them. She feels uncomfortable around the family so when they are with them, the two of them go off by themselves don’t talk to anyone.
That isn’t just my imagination. When the mom says that the girl is taking Ryan’s soul, and the mom is a rational person, there’s something wrong.
I had a guy that had my heart just like that years ago. Same thing with the new girl not being right for him. Its 20 years later & yes shes still not good for him, the family doesnt like her but that was his choice.
i also believe the guy is happy with where he is now. if he’s not then he would just break it up with her.
That’s another thing, he would NEVER break up with anyone. Its just not something he would ever do.
well okay. i just think that it is his choice. and he’s happy about it. it might work for him.
still his choice
I know its hard. I had a hard time with this too because this guy & I were moer then just boyfreind & girlfriend, we were like best friends, but its out of your hands.
I don’t think he’s happy. I don’t think he feels he has choice. I think the woman is taking advantage of his ethics and values to keep him in a relationship while she emotionally abuses him.
No, I’ve seen this. I’ve lived it. It sounds like she’s isolating him from anyone who might help him see what’s really going on, and as many people who are concerned, and can, should say something to him. Ask him how things are, say they worry he feels trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship, suggest he see a counselor. Maybe go as far as saying he can’t save her, can’t change her, and he doesn’t deserve the abuse, if he gives any indication or appears to be abused.
He should be very careful about birth control, because if this woman is what I think she is, she will get pregnant to keep him in the relationship, and he can look forward to spending the next decades miserably fulfilling her “wants” while she tells him he’s never good enough, and never having his needs met.
Some choices should not be respected, and I suspect he feels he has to be there. He needs to know he does. I think he knows something’s wrong, but can’t put his finger on it, that he’s in the relationship because of fear, obligation and guilt, not love.
Is he talking to anyone about his relationship? Friends? Family?
“He needs to know does” have a choice, that is, not that he has to be there.
If you still feel for him, nobody is going to seem perfect for him because you still want him.
Send him an email saying all this… if he once understood you he will get where ur coming from.
look how old are you… I did the same thing and it stinks… I have emotional problems and I’m sick in the head when it comes to love… but if your old enough to catch him out at the bar.. then go out with others make him realize what he’s missing or make a move on him when you have the chance. If you blow it after all my bad advice then move on because there is nothing you can do at this time… latter in life things can change but it takes time.
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