Green invited 5 users to read this post 6 years, 1 month ago.
Green changed the tags on this post: they were "law, marriage, automobile, Milk, food, bread, Money, life, Family, Cigarette, finances" 6 years, 1 month ago.
Anonymous
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6 years, 1 month ago (3 minutes after post)
No matter what your husband wants- maybe you should get a job if things are that bad.
Hey, if you need help, then you need help! You shouldn’t be worried about what other people will think of you. Get the help you need. Then, when you’re back on your feet, the image you’re worried about wont be an issue anymore.
-Sas
Men often have such trouble with this because they feel the responsibilty to provide & if there isnt enough they feel like they failed.
Tell him you are just as burdened by this as he is. Let him know that you do not think that its his fault & that he is highly valued in you life.
Then let him know that you do think that its time to get some help to tide you guys over.
Get a job he may be your husband but he doesnt rule you!! If things are really that bad then you should get one. Plus if your looking at getting help theyre going to ask you why you dont have a job and “my husband doesnt want me to have one” is going to pay off very well
If your husband thinks low of himself because if he sees you working then time to call someone who knows you and get help done. leave.
If you qwualify for food stamps then get them. There is no pride that should keep your family from eating. Thats not white trash, thats freaking common sense. White trash are those people who live in little trailers and sleep around./ I sympathize with your situation. It feels like we both work all the time too. We don’t even have very many bills, its really just the basics. We only make about 20 g’s a year though so it is pretty hard if something happens.
Woah, L.A.D.. I think leaving her husband may be a little extreme. I think she should at least try to get a job 1st. I really agree with what my3sons said about men feeling like they’ve failed if they can’t provide for their families. I think therealme should talk to her husband about this and tell him that he hasn’t failed and that it’s ok for her to get a job to help out.
Yup if you qualify, get those stamps. I totally agree with dustinzgir above, there is no shame in asking for help. If you can work, perhaps you can convince your husband you want to work to support your family. I get the impression he wants to take care of the household all by himself, perhaps you need to gentilly persuade him that there is no shame for him too if he alows his wife to help out with taking care of the family, I mean, that is what mariage is all about, working things out together.
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if you have young children and feel you need to be in the home with them, then you can go to a Department for Social Services and apply for aid. They will tell you what information they need . If you don’t have to stay home with small ones, they can also help you find a job, or help you get training. Don’t even waste your time worrying about what people will think or judge you. They have never walked in your shoes.
i know teachers who get food stamps from the government…i even know one Ivy League graduate who receives aid. Many of us fall on hard times or just have a hard time making ends meet. Poverty is not a crime.
i have been dealing with her other post sasquatch.
That’s even not enough money to pay the rent…
If her man doesn’t want her to work a “normal” job, maybe she would be able to work from home. Just to help with some money, you know? I mean she has a computer to send this post, right? There are at home computer jobs that she could do.
And if all else fails, and they are all that hungry, maybe she could just not tell him that she is “working”.
I do NOT advocate lying to ones man, but if he is adamant about her not working, well that is different.
Nobody should starve.
lillie ty. I somehow did not connect those 2 posts. Wow what a differnece that makes.
Sorry L.A.D. I hadn’t read that other post yet. Man, this guy sure seems oppressive. Maybe therealme would be better off without him.
Green
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US | 6 years, 1 month ago (19 minutes after post)
We have to ask for money from his mother.
I married his mother because he can’t do it on his own. His mother pays for everything. She pays for the kids school, cars, sometimes food, rent, bills. We drive a broke down van that has no heat or cooling.
We pretend we are well off by the way we act, but we aren’t well off. His mother is well off and she’s saving us.
wait, if she’s well off, then why is there less food on the table? sorry had to ask that.
Actually the more I read your other post, the more I see contadcitions.
your other post say you husband has a company
that he wont give you money (not that he cant)
that he wont buy you a car or let you use his health insurance.
None of this makes sense
Why don’t you ask your family for help? I mean, if they have so much money. My parents never had money. I lived in a camper growing up. I do not think we are white trash at all. My father was a wildland firefighter and that was just how we lived.
If he wont buy you food or put you on his insurance or ‘let’ you get a job…
Are you in America or the UK? Tell him to listen to your needs or you will go live with your well-off family. I mean, money is a stupid reason to divorce someone, but this really isn’t about the money at all. Its about you being controlled by his money. I wouldn’t like that either. I’d tell him to—well, I’d use a bunch of words I shouldn’t.
At most times, people don’t change. in the case of your husband, he seems to know what’s actually going on but resists to do anything about it. he’s pretty secure on you and his mom. he knows both you ladies can’t resist him. he has both of u you in his hands.
**** him anyway, maybe its time to lay down the law on his ***, and get him to stand up for his family, instead of being such a leech.
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You know what though, I think this guy does provide for his family. I mean, he does work full time. He shouldn’t tell her that she can’t work, though. Then I also wonder since she says they ahve so many bills—are they really living within thier means? I make about 18-20 g’s a year. I don’t own a car or a house. I support myself, my 3 kids, my sister and her kid just fine as long as nothing happens. Sadly, something did happen and I lost a big contract last month. Now I can’t pay my rent this month.
My point is, if you need help, seek help. If your husband is preventing you, then explain the situation too him. Tell him that if you can not seek the help the family obviously needs then you will go get it yourself without him around.
Humm, dustinzgir, you’re probably right about that; though I think, perhaps it is time to take of the gloves with your husband and tell him you will not stand for it any longer. He needs to think about his family, and if that means that you have to work or some things have to change to make that happen, then they just have to.
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hope things will get better. take care.-lilies-
I believe in the world today that both person needs to work. The cost of living is so high. But don’t be ashamed. Your husband pays in on taxes and you guys have every right to get help. There are alot of people that are not paying taxes and get by with it and have more than we have. Just try and talk with your husband about you getting a job at least til things get better. As much as men like to do it all themselves and provide for his family, sometimes they just can’t and there is nothing wrong with the woman working also. You are both together to help support one another. For better or for worse!! Good Luck
There is no shame about getting help when you really need it. I was on food stamps when I was pregnant because the father of my baby wouldn’t help me out with things. Yes I felt bad about, but so many people are doing it even those that really don’t need help, just exercising their rights to it. But I knew that when my situation got better I would come off of the food stamps. And I did. I feel it should be for people who really needs the help. I know that I wouldn’t look at you any different just because you need help. Do what you need to do but at the same time, don’t be ashamed. We all have been in situations where we needed some help. And there is nothing wrong with that. Good Luck!
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The homejob sounds like a cool idea, a lot of people where I live (Britain) do things like laundry for other people.
He’s your husband - he doesn’t own you, but he is a big part of your life. He just needs to learn to compromise.
Benefits aren’t something to be ashamed of at all, helping people out is what they’re there for.
Hope I helped.
I was in a similar situation. It ended in divorce and although it was hard, I believe it was the best thing. Things are still hard, but now my kids and I have hope and opportunity. At the end of the day, you are responsible for the situation and events you find yourself in. I never went on assistance although I thought of it. If it got bad enough, and it sounds like you might be there, then I would. I have a responsibility to my children to do all that I can to give them the what they need and hopefully to be able to give them what they would like as well. Only you can decide the moves you have to make, but you clearly know all your options. Overcoming the fear and shame is the part that we all struggle with in our lives. No matter the situation, it is fear of failure and embarassment that can hold us all up. I hope that you find the strength inside to do the things you think are necessary to heal your home.
Just talk to your man and say what you told us!
Think God for the two of you life is for us all . I get hlep ,just when you need that’s all
Yes, I agree with some of the people what they had said, but I will tell you, like people tell me, nobody can help you, if you don’t try to help yourself first. If you know that you have the resources to help you survive then use them. Their are food stamps that you can use for food, you don’t have to pay and thing to the government and with food-stamps their is an no tax policy which means that you will not pay any taxes with food-stamps “More Money for More Food,” all you will have to do every 6 months or every month is to fill out a paper on how much you make with a job, and since you don’t have one you will get more money for food, and with that you can get drinks as well with the food-stamps card.
Benefits, are here to protect you and to help you get by, not to hurt you or to get people to call you names, because everybody in this world gets benefits and that can run under insurance (life) and all that’s a benefits and car insurance, but nobody knows that car insurance is a benefit but it is, you don’t have an option in getting any, but it is an benefit.
jelinski
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US | 5 years, 9 months ago (3 months, 2 weeks after post)
I think you have to do what you have to do for your family.I remember when I lived in a house with no electric.I was cooking on a kersone heater for my kids.I think the most important thing I have learned is to remember to make things better and not worse by making good decisions.I know that it may not make sense but listen to your insides on what you should do.Its your god given guide
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You could make something and grow it into something big. Start small and go from there. Follow your passion.
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kantanig
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US | 5 years, 8 months ago (5 months, 1 week after post)
Get a job. It is not right to go for government aid while you are not working. It is your life. Your husband doesn’t get to weigh in on this decision. So what if his ego is bruised. He needs to grow up or get a second job.
Start a garden. Chard is healthy and very easy to grow.
Try and get a government job where you have a defined pension plan and medical benefits. County governments are usually good places to work.
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you shouldnt be ashammed of gettin help when you need it i mean there will be a time when someone else will need help and you will be better off and you could help them thats not looked down upon! its not tacky or trashy and its not like people have to know about it like you can get food stamps there easy to get just go to your dhs building and if you rent an apartment you can get rental assistance just look it up sometime and ask a social worker at dhs they more than likely have a list of finnacial helpers!!!!!!!
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Anonymous
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5 years, 7 months ago (6 months after post)
Your husband should be glad you are willing to help out. He shouldn’t let his pride or whatever it is, get in the way of the well-being of your family. I think when you’re doing all you can for yourself & still need help is when people are most likely to help out. When you’re not exhausting all your efforts, people are less likely to want to contribute. What are his reasons for not wanting you to work? Your kids deserve better. It’s one thing for children to have to go without because it just can’t be obtained, but it’s another for them to have to go without because of sheer ignorance.
Ma’am, Despite how people look upon it, I’d say your best bet would be to get some help.
Look at it this way: If you have to choose between being the subject of gossip for being poor, or for being dead, I should hope you’d choose poor and get the help you need until your family can stand on it’s own.
My family didn’t have much, and sometimes things like food stamps, medic-aid etc. were needed, yes people made fun of us, but we survived. with the money we didn’t need for groceries, my mom got the bills back on track, with the money we would’ve used for doctor bills, etc, she was able to save up for a rainy day.
You won’t be on it for ever, but a year of embarrassment is a whole lot better than an eternity of death.
I really hope that this can help you in some way, I’vee been there, it will get better one day.
My husband wants to work and can’t find a job (he’s applied at 60 places in the last 3 months…nothing). We struggle and we now have our power cut off. I don’t care so much for us (we can handle a lot), but my beautiful soon-to-be 4 year old son deserves more than we can afford to give him now. We turn to the church and we try everything we know how to stay afloat. We make slightly over what qualifies us for assistance and though I would never use it as a way of life, I would use it for what it is intended: assistance to help you get on your feet and take care of yourself.
I pray your husband wakes us and allows you to blossom into what you want instead of being too proud to let you contribute.
God bless you (and He will).
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Green wrote:
update: I went up to the office with great shame. Now, I’m not really sure I want to do that. I think I’ll stay the way I am and stay off the stamps.
You’d rather be hungry.
It’s fine, but I hope you don’t have children.
Schools watch these things closely weather you realize it or not, and they’ll call social services and have them taken away.
I’m not sure how pride can come over well being, forgive me, but I don’t see your logic.
you could die.
Green wrote:
He works for a company.
He won’t buy us food or give m money for food.
He can’t buy me car, for work and for us. And, he will not put me on his insurance
sounds abusive.
You deserve help and we all deserve the right to ask for it. You already are asking for help by getting online and utilizing this site. Take the steps further to allow yourself the best possible opportunities you are allowed. Life is abundance, not restrictions, limitations, and scarcity. sometimes we are asked to give before we can receive, and sometimes that means saying, Hey, need a little help here. Food stamps, anything. I know a friend who works two jobs. He is from Vietnam. He has food stamps, and it helps him a lot to feed is family.
If you get proactive for yourself, your husband may have no choice but to join you.
All the best for you and your family.
Hey go in and apply for food stamps. You are not white trash just trying to survive.Believe me they make you work for those food cards. I took me almost 4 month and I have to startover with the paper work every six month but it has helped.
Also ashk about energy assistance it is based on income to debt. It is not much but will catch you up. Or give you a month or two of piece of mind.
Check out zilos website maybe they can offer you some work from home.
you need to contact local food bank and get help,try the wellfare office to,they have to help,I would help you but my life is crap too no job no money.good luck.
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this post was written seven months ago. i have thought of you and your family, i hope everything is great.
you cant afford food but you have a computer with the internet? Maybe you should cut out the internet for some extra money?
a lot of counties/cities here in Florida have Salvation Army which I heard will help pay bills for you, give you food & clothing. Have you tried getting food stamps or cash assistance? I would try. Not sure where you are located but here we just go to our states website & they have all the information. Also if you have kids try getting them on medicaid!
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GET A JOB!! IT WILL REALL HELP. go to charity. at least work part time. maybe a job w/ benefits??
You pay your taxes hun, you are deserving of what your country can do for you:) Please tell your husband.
I dont have time to read all the posts, so sorry if these have been covered. A medium term soultion for your food issues: buy some chickens for the yard - (practically)free eggs! Plant veges throughout the year to reap when they are in season.
I was in a very similar situation a few years ago and we wanted me to stay home for the kids so we were very very poor (he had to pay a lot of child support). It worked for a while, but we couldn’t continue. Is there a compromise? Part time work, work from home, night shifts, working in his company?
Last thing: clothes from last year? If they still fit and are not worn out - so what?Please get a bit of perspective on what is important. Dont contribute to our increasingly shallow society. Buy classic peices that will always look good. Buy from ebay and call it vintage! There is no shame in second hand, hand me downs, wearing something for more than a season - think of the reduction on your carbon footprint! Recycling, reusing, reducing are not ugly words!
maybe earn some money..?
sorry cant be much help…
Did you ever find a solution?
you shouldn’t care what people think, you should care about your family and get your help asap.
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There are many programs that help people when they are in need that can keep your name quiet if that is your main concern. If your husband has pride issues just like every other man then talk to him and help him realize that despite his twelve hours your family is going hungry. I have been where you are right now however, I was the child in the situation. When I was younger it was not fun to be helpless and hungry. I know it does not feel good to feel like whatever you do just does not work. Go online to apply for walfare an if there is a child involved under the age of five years old then you are qualified for something called WIC (sounds the way you say like a candle wick) and they give you baby milk if you need some the give you milk cheese juice(the healthy kind)somethimes they give pedeasure they give you bread, cereal, and they give you things that you need and at the same time if you apply for food stamps it is just like money except it only can purchase food and really it is there to help you if you do not have enough to pay for your own food. Food samps come in handy because they give you a large amount and if you have aa child who is going hungry too you need to not be embarassed about what people may think of you because it is not a good situation to be in EVER. look for help and you will find it. Do not go hungry just because you are afraid of what people may think of you. If you do not want that then despite what your husband wants you to do or does not want you to do you need a job. He might get embaressed but if his wife is going hungry there is no excuse. If you do not take my advice I am afraid that you will stay in the struggle and get tired of it and your family will fall apart. You need to find help. I know for a fact that if you do not chage that lifestyle right now eventually it will becme habit and you will go from hungry to starving. Do not let it get that far!!!!
You should get a job if you have the opportunity. It is ok to ask for help if you need it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Times are rough, don’t lose hope!
No, no one should look down on you especially in these times, if anything they should try to help more. We are ll here on earth to help each other and at different times we need and take and other times we have and give.
Plus you should not care what anyone else thinks(although its normal and most people do). Believe it or not everyone has a “story” of crosses they have had to bear in life, some more than others, some worse than others. Some forget.
Do not let pride overcome you and bring you down. If you have hope then hope will come to you where things can somehow get better.
Plus no one, especially in America should be going hungry. But you need to ask for help and seek it out and there is nothing wrong with it, especially if your husband is working very hard to try and keep the roof over your head, etc. Maybe you need to go to a financial counseling service to help get your family out from under. There are many ways and they can advise what is best, and there are free ones out there. You can ask your church (or call a bigger church even if not a member and if don’t have a phone go to local library). You can also contact your town hall for other community services that may be able to help you (especially if you have children).
More people that you think are in similar situations and again there is nothing wrong seeking out assistance because if you get some help now you can turn your situation around somehow( if your husband is working there is some income), just need to figure out the best way to make it work so you are back in control of your life. There probably even is some sort of assistance you qualify for to get a break on your utility bills, depending on what part of country you are in. Everyone needs some type of help at some point in their life whether they want it or even remember it. It just comes in different forms.
ANd what’s wrong with a little government help if its just temporary to get you through this hard times period. You probably have paid taxes to the gov’t and part of them is what they are for is for programs to help in times of need. As long as yo don’t abuse the system……. (although right now there are less programs and many cut backs so not as easy to qualify, but if yo are not having food on table, especially with children that is not right and although you said you want to work the odds of finding a job may not be good in your area). Or you could maybe get a local short term job like weeding or helping someone with odd jobs in neighbor hood- it would be helping them too . I have been looking for someone to help me with minor tasks because I have a debilitating illness and my husband recently died so am all alone and can’t physically manage, but yet can’t seem to find anyone to help me out even though I want to pay someone even if just to help walk my dogs.
Hope tis encourages you and helps with information you could go to for more help. I was where you are at 20 years ago, and trust me when I say things get better because only 6 years ago I was living a fairy tale perfect life too. Now without my beloved husband and my illness at same time I am again in need of help but of a different kind. Its just the rollercoaster of life. Just remember when you are on the up ride that you reach out and helps others and can even do now if just a kind word or smile…….. Karma is a good thing, but also its not here that really matters its eternity that counts!
Peace be with you
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I am a working mother, my husband is disabled. For the first time in my life, I am on food stamps. I love my daughter, so I swallowed my pride. Besides, you sound like you might actually deserve the help. There are a lot of people who don’t, and get it any way. Don’t listen to people who tell you that being a stay at home mom isn’t a “job”. It’s a hard job, just because you get paid with sticky fingers and hugs doesn’t make it any less work. Also, you and your husband’s tax dollars paid for those bennefits, enjoy your tax rebate. Sending you love and prayers. 3
Perhaps you could go on a debt management plan to manage any outstanding creditors you may have and renegotiate your payment terms lower to help whilst times are tight?
have you tryed geting tood stamps. or some churches have food banks. im have the same proble as you.
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…. 5 years and 7 months after post?
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