Family help: I want to leave my family today! - Help.com

Have you ever spoke to your husband about that?

What exactly does your husband wrong? What is his work schedule?

I guess you could see a phsyciatrist (spelling?). Not because you’re crazy or anything, but so they could help you through this hard time and give you advice. If not that, then just talk to a friend, or family. It would probably be easier to leave, but you can’t leave your 4 year old son.

I would really suggest individual and/or family therapy.

Tell them you want them to go to family therapy so you can show the therapist how perfect they are lol

With the exception of hubby… it sounds pretty normal. A 4 year old boy, wanting to be like the dad he loves… an 18 year old, trying to flex their adult wing, where “It’s all about me”, is so prevalent that it worn as a motto on tee shirts these days. A daughter jealous of her mom, because she is feeling her womanhood so strongly these days, the “competition” is high. I feel for your “between a rock and a hard place” feelings, but running away will tear your world apart, and you’ll never get it back! So focus on your husband for now… why is he the worse on the planet… are you so sure of that? You can not think of or imagine anyone worse than your husband? Love your son, nurture him… trust your daughter ~ she is an adult now mom, free to write her own ticket.. let her do it, as long as she fully understands the consequences.

www.joycemeyer.com :-)

This method is very laissez-faire but try tojust let it go. It is much more healthy than you’d think. When they start to annoy you then just say whatever and walk away. Stop doing things for them. If your four year old throws a tantrum about something like candy for instance, then just walk away and let him throw a tantrum. Go outside, take a walk, don’t runaway, just walk away from the situation for right then. Sooner or later he’ll realize that he must be respectful to get what he wants.

Right now I am raising my brother, he’s also four, I feel you, I know exactly where you’re coming from. My parents just let him run wild and when I started taking care of him he had no respect and he would demand me to give him what he wanted so I ignored him then I mentioned that he might want to ask nicely if he wanted something. When he started behaving I would give him what he asked for…within reason…if he didn’t say thank you I would take it away from him.

I’m not Froyd but I am speaking from experience. Take my advice, if it doesn’t work, sorry. Try the same thing with your daughter too. She wants money, no way, not without respect…you see what I’m saying?

Sounds like my 15 year old. He is complaining about what I do & do not do wrong that my husband complaings about & its like having 2 of them. My husband actually gets smug about it.
This is what I have come to realize: My son has figured out what gets my goat through my husband & he is using it to try & get what he wants from it.
Just lay it down for your 18 year old. This is what I just did yesterday & I dont know how long its going to work but it shut him up for the rest of the day yesterday & stil as of this morning. I told him the next time he is complaing like that, I would be taking the computer or his cell phone away & reminded him that he wont be taking drivers ed. either if this kind of attitude keeps up.

Well… it’s the sort of thing a good amount of discussion is needed to get an exact idea of what it is you are saying. It seems there is a rut here. I recently read a quote, “The only difference between a rut and a grave, are the dimensions”. Basically, that means it’s a matter of perspective. You know you can not change your husband… so what about you can you change? Wait… forget that thought for now… ’cause I already know the answer… “why should I be the one that has to change?” Well… it’s not YOU that needs to change, but what you do that needs to change… we can always talk about that later. What I would like you to do, is for the next 30 days, when you wake up in the morning, write down one thing about your husband that you are grateful for. Something different every day. If you can’t think of 30 things, then start repeating some of the things. When you get into the feeling of grateful, you will start to notice come changes I think. It also takes about 30 days to start a new habit. Right now, years of “I’m a bad wife” have denigrated you to be the woman you are, who can only see the bad. Try seeing the good you saw when you first met the man. I’m not saying all is rosy… people do change yes grow apart…and divorce is always an option, but why not try something new. You have a 4 year old boy, that will grow up just like his dad… and from what I hear from you that is a BAD thing. If your interested you might want to take a look at my book too. It addresses most of what you may be feeling. http://www.lulu.com/content/862745

Bright blessings ~R

wow I no I’m young I’m 16 but like I wouldn’t stay at all when I have enough I go crazy move out for a while go to a friends or something my mom did she threatened to leave and she was packing right in front of us and she was crying and it hurt all of us and me dad and us kids never actted the same and it hurt me most cause i was only 6 and my brothers where all older and I was the only girl so not having a mother around hurt me. :/ But, she went and we cleaned the house we changed everything. We brought are grades up and my mom came back and she stayed back. Maybe getting out for a while will help. They’ll realize it’s not the same and they will listen hopefully cause I most deffently did!

No one wants to be controlling but you need to lay down the law, if you treat him with respect there is no reason why he shouldn’t do the same for you. I disagree with richhills1 (no offense) but I think you shouldn’t have to look for reasons to be grateful. If you do something like that make sure you husband is involved too. Each of you write down one thing a day that makes you both of you feel grateful to have one another. It might strengthen your relationship. If you can’t think of anything then write down something that he did that was nice when you first knew each other. he might do it again…

No offence taken Lone… I agree and disagree with you. Yes… ideally hubby should be involved in the process I recommend, but somehow I doubt that will happen. Sounds to me like she has one ‘em macho men that wouldn’t see a shrink so why would I think he’d keep any kind of journal?! So that leaves only one… her. I don’t think men are so difficult to figure out, and it’s amazing how much control a woman can have over a man. There is another old saying, “behind every great man is an even greater woman”. I think that is true! Especially her man… he sounds like the architypical “hunter/gatherer”. Fulfill those cave man needs, and he’ll be a puppy. If that is so downgrading, fine. But I garentee you… once his needs are met, he’ll bend over BACKWARDS to keep getting em! The first step to being able to do that is to like what you are doing… ya can’t do that with the “worse man in the world”. Ya NEED an attitude of gratitude. The other option… Evan doesn’t need my permission or anyone’s permission for a divorce.

LEAVE Run ok it’s going to make them realize alot they can’t live without you and you need time to breath! Y you still on here go…. fly away…!

I would agree Evan… when you run, you loose the rights to be with your children except to be able to visit them. And you hubby could fight for supervised visits at that! and you KNOW it.
I wish you luck ~ bright blessings ~ R

Whoa, wait a minute. You said you are breaking yourself to so everything for your family, and your SURPRISED they are acting this way? What do YOU do to a doormat? buy it flowers? No, you wipe your feet on it. THat’s what it’s there for. You have taught these people how to treat you, and now you have an obligation to teach them otherwise. It’s not going to be easy, but you owe it to them as a mother. Otherwise they will go out into the world and look for a new door mat.
THere is a saying I love and often use here, ” no one can crawl onto your back unless you bend down” In other words we are often willing participants with those who abuse us.
Stop! Stop doing everything for your kids. A 4 yr old is not helpless any more and their brains love to be challenged. My kids were helping with their rooms, clearing the table, carrying small things for me and even starting to “play” act dusting and vacuuming by 4. They were allowed to stop most things when they wanted too, I wasn’t a drill seargent about it, but it gave them a taste of what I will be expecting of them later on in life. I also DO NO allow disrespect. If you give an inch in this area, they’ll take a mile. There are consequences for rude or disrespectful behavior, and I ususally give them to a count of 3 to change the behavior, or they are removed from my sight and put in their rooms. I also have no media of any kind in their rooms, so it’s nice and boring. If I don’t teach them respect, how on earth are they going to learn it?
I did not write this to be mean, but I do want to wake you up to what you are doing! You can chage things. God Bless.

Simply refusing to cook, or running away is an immature way of handling a grown up problem. Keep doing the things you are supposed to do, and address problems as they arise. I would do counselling with hubby to let him know in a controlled situation that his lack of respect for you is where part of the problem is coming from. The other part, tho, is your inability to stand up for yourself.
If your child is disrespectful to you, immediatly demand an apology. If you don’t get it right away, bring them to their room, and tell them that’s where they stay until you get one. Then after you get it, make up and tell them you love them and are proud of them for apologizing. Everything can be tempered with love. Your job as a mom is a big part teacher. Think about what you ARE teaching them, and then write down what you WANT to be teaching them.

There are certain limits a spouse does not go beyond. And when those limits are violated a change in relationship “status” is required. If you need to leave for a while and do it in front of eveyone in order to get your husband to change and your children to listen then do it. May I ask also does your husband have a really difficult time with yiour daughter? Don’t post an answer here please email me instead. (email removed)

if you do everything for your kids then of course they will disrespect you…you need to teach them to have responsibility for something…believe me i learned this the hard way! your 18 year old should be able to do her own laundry, wash dishes, cook some meals and help keep the house tidy. A four year old is plenty old enough to be taught to pick up after himself…reward with praise and special time( never food )
Your husband needs to back you up . You need to respect yourself and refuse to be the slave, which is what you are. Stand up for yourself, REFUSE to wait on them…
i had to pack away all the dishes except four plates, four cups, four forks, etc. they had to wash the dishes before i would cook another meal, i even refused to shop until they got the message! LOVE is not doing everything for someone…LOVE is teaching someone to do it themselves. Get Tough Mamma or you won’t make it !

In all due respect….If you should leave you will add salt to the wound.
Troubles will “really begin.” There are forces outside of the dimension of
marriages just waiting you make that mistake. Roll up your sleaves and fight
for you family. Anything that is of value is worth fighting for.

ok i know tht you are stressing but you cannot just leave your family that is a horrible thing to do. please just talk to your husband and teach your kids some manners. make them respect you. be a good mom and a good wife!!!!

Please dont do what my mom did trust me your kids will be lost without you. Especially your young son, try speaking with your husband, please email me at (email removed) tell me what happens to further help you