life help: struggles continue with my ex wife,mom to our son..he’s eight.we were - Help.com

struggles continue with my ex wife,mom to our son..he’s eight.we were

divorced in dec.06.she has had a problem with drinkin,crackin and who knows what else..as part of our divorce i gave her 18k cash,,her 2005
ford and she has neither now..her car is being held by police in a
investigation..she is living with scumbags and now wants us to reconcile our differances..i can’t do that,,but i feel as she will not make it without my help..her parents have disowned her and will not help her..her son lives with her parents and i have custody of our son..i have repeatedly tried and gone out of my way for her success..she has no job and not even looking,,she has a case plan to complete with children services and has not attemped to do any part of it..maybe i’m just feeling sorry for myself,,but i sure need help
to know what god wants me to do for her…..thanxxxxx

This open post was written 1 year, 4 months ago | V/U/S: 207, 10, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post RC may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. RC is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 7 months and has 13 posts and 96 replies to their name.

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LoveWorksSchoo offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
US | 1 year, 4 months ago (7 minutes after post)

i suggest that you really encourage her to enter a rehab. There are good ones and not so good ones, but for the most part they help. it is almost impossible for anyone to get out of a hole like the one she is in without professional help.
if that is not something she will agree to, there are support groups, maybe you can offer to attend with her…also, i suggest you find a church or some spiritual help to keep yourself strong.

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jelrwelke offline Unverified User #
Orlando, FL, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (14 minutes after post)

Yes, encourage her to get help. But since you were able to get your son do not give a dime of financial support. Untill she gets her life together you will just be feeding her habit.

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RC offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Jacksonville, FL, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (19 minutes after post)

your right about feeding her habit,,i feel so sorry how our lives have changed.
nothing like losing your family to a bunch of crackheaded alcoholics.i’have tried to convince her of rehab before i filed for divorce,,she doesn’t need help,she says..you just can’t convince her anything is her fault.i thank you for your help,just hearing another view is helpfull

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fogchicke offline Unverified User #
GB | 1 year, 4 months ago (33 minutes after post)

I see that you want to resolve your problem.

I see that it isnt a problem that you can resolve and that it belongs to someone else.

The trouble with junkies is that they lie - it is easier and less painful than reality.

I can only assume that there was something good when you first had your relationship

My take would be to write down the facts as you see them - not with additional caveats they have to stand on their own as facts.

Propose a solution but break it down into small steps - like for 3 months I want you to write to me and propose how you are going to get sorted out and if I am convinced at the end of it then we can take the next step … (based on you setting the next goal) perhaps meeting for a coffee etc.

Thats my advice - if she is full of **** it wont get past step one and you wont have to feel guilty anymore - sorry thats all there is to it.

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RC offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Jacksonville, FL, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (47 minutes after post)

alrighty fogchicke,,thats a new idea,,yes i loved this girl,,but alot has happened
that i don’t think i can get past,,i don’t want to act like a judge to her,,i just want to find some happiness and raise our son.he is the greatest blessing ever,and i will always want her involved in his life..he deserves that..my biggest fear is of her giving up on life..i don’t want to live with that..thanxx

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LoveWorksSchoo offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
US | 1 year, 4 months ago (1 hour after post)

have you told her what you just said above? tough love is still love. and love really does work.

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RC offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Jacksonville, FL, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (1 hour, 17 minutes after post)

i have told her of how we will be connected for life,,with our son.and that i need her help raising the kids.i’ve told her i will always love her,,just not the way it used to be..she just won’t accept that and still thinks we will be together again.

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RC offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Jacksonville, FL, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (1 hour, 28 minutes after post)

hey all you angels,,(loveworksschoo,,fogchicke,jeirwelke)i appreciate your
thoughts..its cool talkin with folks you have no idea of who they are,where their from or why they are here.this place reminds me of how angels appear in your life,,and fulfill their purpose and then there gone.this is a good place.
and i do thank you all…i’m going home to my real job..his name is trebor.
robert spelled backwards.

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Cajun offline Verified User (1 year, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Dolores Hidalgo, 11, MX | 1 year, 4 months ago (6 hours, 58 minutes after post)

God doesnt want you to do s*it for her. If he would, he would interviene himself. She is your ex, thats it. She has to do it for herself and her children, if she doesnt, shame on her. You didnt take her to raise. You have a child to take care of.

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Jerrystapleton.aq offline Unverified User #
Katy, TX, US | 1 year, 4 months ago (1 week, 1 day after post)

single dad of 8yr old,

I seem to know exactly what your talking about. I myself am a single dad of three in the same situation. I actually found your post by typing the words “God’s help for ex-wife”. It is sad to say, but it seems they don’t want help. My exwife seems to be going down the same road as yours, and when I help, it seems it is not what they want. Unfortunately, the kids suffer and we are left alone trying to help our children, who only want love from both parents.

I recieved a call last night from my exwife , who was crying, and asked for me to come pick her up from Louisiana, where she was staying with her abusive boyfriend. After bringing her back home and offering to let her stay one day at a time with nothing in return, so she could straighten her life out, she left today with the same guy. All this without saying two words to her kids. I was willing to pay rent for her own apartment as I know staying here would be uncomfortable, and pay her bills til she got back on her feet. Before I could even mention the idea, she was gone as quick as she arrived. All I can do now is ask for God to help her and guide her.

May God also give you and yours guidance.
TX Dad of three

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