life help: I am having a problem.

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I am having a problem.

I am divorced and I feel like I abandoned my ex-wife. I left her and I feel really guilty about it. Partly I just feel so sad that her life is not going well. She has a lot of problems. At one point she refused to get help. Also, she was pretty abusive and angry. But I qestion whether I should have left her. Actually I think that I shouldn’t have. At this point I am remarried and she has fallen further down so I dont think it makes sense to try to make up for it IF it was wrong. I absolutely love her and want her to be okay, but I dont think she is. I remember her and who she is and the good in her. Some of the memories are just killing me. I feel so guilty because I really didnt ever try my very best to be with her and make it work. But she was so messed-up and did terrible things. She really kinda tortured me. Even so I think about her and the whole thing just hurts. I feel like I cant go on, like I dont deserve to go on, like my life doesnt matter if she is not okay. I feel tied to her and to her happiness, like it is not possible for me to be happy at the same time that she is not.

This open post was written 1 year, 2 months ago | V/U/S: 356, 10, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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life, Point, Guilty, Problem, Left, Feel (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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ouroubs #
Adana, 81, TR | 1 year, 2 months ago (15 minutes after post)

what happend happend so u should forget her completly since u took ur descion and divorced her so leave her, she will suffer a little but she will overcome later and u should take care of new family look forward and never look back
NO BODY CAN CHANGE DESTENY

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A_Fellow_Human 1 #
US | 1 year, 2 months ago (30 minutes after post)

I love Adana kebab. It is the best kebab. I was in Turkey. Thanks for your reply - Tessakur.

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rrgraff 0 #
US | 1 year, 2 months ago (43 minutes after post)

She is probably just grieving the only way she knows how. What’s done is done. It’s the past. You divorced her, left her, and married someone else. That pretty much tells her you are never coming back. Might be pointless to even try being her friend since that could give her even a tiny bit of hope that you will go back to her. If it’s hurting you that much go talk to her and let her know why you left her. Otherwise, just let her try dealing with the pain.

chillout157 3 #
GB | 1 year, 2 months ago (57 minutes after post)

Look you cant feel guilty, You made your decision, turn it into the right one, shewillbe alright, its harder for her, she was the one that got left, u made the decision, at the end of the day im sure ull both be o.k, i just wouldnt metion it,it just sturs up more troble than its worth

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slimline2 5 #
Liston, 02, AU | 1 year, 2 months ago (1 hour, 41 minutes after post)

see how easy it is to get divorced, jump in to another pair of pants and think everything is ok, but it is not.guild,love,companionship and all the things of a marriage goes thrugh youre head,obviously she cant cope ,and you still love her,so why not go to her and make sure that she is going to be ok, another solution is move to salt lake and become a mormon, or a moslam…

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Richard cor de lyon 74 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 2 months ago (4 hours, 45 minutes after post)

lol… thank you Slim… your alternatives were truly unique.

I know from where you come. People have said to me much the same, that I didn’t even try to hold the marriage together. By that they mean I didn’t spend months perhaps years in marriage counseling… that’s true; I didn’t. But I was abused, and used up - I could not take it anymore, I had lost my Self, I was a shell of the man I had once been.

Did I love my wife? of course, in many ways I did. But I had my own personal psychosis… of being a co-dependent. My reward was being able to make her happy… usually the ONLY one that could make her happy. I GAVE all of my Self to make her happy, and it was all transient. Her anger and manipulation slowly killed me.

What is my point of all this? Yes you love your wife (especially if she is the mother of your children; you didn’t mention any of that) so of course you will feel some guilt ~ especially since you too are a co-dependent. You have only ever wanted the best for your wife. You have lived your life for your WIFE. The rose never blooms under the shadow of the Oak.

You can continue to love your ex-wife… but unless she has sought the help she needs, AND you have sought the help you need… only when the two of you are whole can you succeed as a married couple. Be her friend? why not… but don’t expect more unless you have since the divorce worked on your Self.

Bright blessings ~Richard

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jmrian0 #
Martinsburg, WV, US | 1 year, 2 months ago (13 hours, 22 minutes after post)

Let it go man. You were in a toxic relationship and you had enough self esteem to yank yourself out of it. Now grow up and take care of what you now have, or you will lose that to the toxic past you left behind. See a shrink if you must, but whatever you do STOP your thoughts. Do you feel guilty that you are living in the past with your new wife? If anything say a prayer for your X and Move On Dude.

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jmrian0 #
Martinsburg, WV, US | 1 year, 2 months ago (13 hours, 38 minutes after post)

diddo…Amen..
But take it from a woman, I would not be with a man if I found out he had thoughts, regrets, etc. on another woman Regardless of the past situation. Someone will help her maybe the next man of her life, but it is time for you to show some loyalty to the woman you convinced to marry you and NEVER, EVER LOOK BACK, unless you have some issues that are some deep rooted issues then I would say you should have gotten help before getting married again.

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Oster: Gettin' It. 3 #
Atlanta, GA, US | 1 year, 2 months ago (1 day, 21 hours after post)

What was the thing that consumed the relationship?

getridofmyex 0 #
Philadelphia, PA, US | 11 months, 1 week ago (3 months, 1 week after post)

If you think you have problems i have been dealing with my ex for 9 years!!!
she thinks that she can just do whatever she wants. The courts let her!
Domestic Relations does nothing but support the lies that she has told.
I am married and now have a new baby. What needs to be asked is:Why the courts let this kind of things go on? Why is Domestic relations Allowed to take money without any Investagation. Why has the government does not looked into the allagations that have been made by men in my position?
We have no options as men to protect ourselves. For 9 long years i have been attacked by her And the local government does nothing to stop these women(hahaha),Jilted exs
from trying to destroy your life. Fight for your right to live after divorce!!!!
Fight for your right to remarry without hassles!!!! Let all men and women work to change the laws that are old and out dated. Women are our equal, Until They want to have What they want Then men are just to crumble and give it to them.
I say it is time for change. If you believe as i do then E-mail me and lets get together in the state of pennsylvania and lets start a class action suite against
domestic relations.
I KNOW THAT THERE ARE MORE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO HAVE BEEN SCREWED BY THIS OPPRESSIVE SYSTEM THEY CALL DOMESTIC RELATIONS. (RELATIONS MY ***)
If you live in pa and have problems and want to help or tell me your story
please email and i will respond to you. It is time to put a stop to ex!!! wives
using the system to hurt our lives. This goes for women who have this problem also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

Help me with: If you think you have problems i have been dealing with my ex for 9 years!

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