Day help: I fell in love with a seminarian/future priest and now am truly heartbroken. - Help.com

I fell in love with a seminarian/future priest and now am truly heartbroken. I don’t know how to stop thinking about him and how to stop my heart from aching and crying myself to sleep every night. How can I stop thinking about him and stop the pain that I feel???

A seminarian who will be a priest in one year has been training at our parish on Sundays for the past 9 months. When he first started his training at my parish, I noticed what a fine attractive young man he was…After a couple of weeks and glances here and there, he initiated and introduced himself to me. The day he introduced himself, we had a 1 hour intense conversation about the catholic church and why he decided to go into the seminary to become a priest. We also talked about my background with being catholic and our ethnic backgrounds and families. He shared with me his life story and how he found God going through turmoil in his life. I don’t know what it was but I felt instantly drawn to him and I think I felt his attraction towards me since his very first question was asking me what my background was and he was the one who always initiated the glances and smiles……….Ever since that talk, I would get butterflies and my heart would race when I would see him, having to take the communion from him and talking with him after mass on Sundays and I would always look forward to the following Sunday to see him and talk. I had planned to take a month vacation out of the country and the Sunday before I left, I told him that I will be leaving for a month and told him that I would see him when I come back.

Now I come back to church a month later and he makes an announcement to the church that his assignment is changing to another parish and he wont be at our parish anymore! My heart fell to the floor when I heard this announcement as I would look forward to seeing him on Sundays and felt we built a friendship and I started to have feelings for him. After mass and hearing that announcement, I went to talk to him and he hugged me a welcome back and told me he was thinking of me and praying for me while I was on my trip since where I went (Israel) is a not a safe place. Inside I was dying to tell him that I thought about him the whole time while I was on my trip.
When I wished him a good luck since he was transferring to another parish, he told me that he would be at mass for one more Sunday. So I had one more Sunday to see him!!! That day, I went home in tears thinking how I will only see him one more Sunday. Later on that night, I went on a late night with my dog and walked around the church/rectory area (which is usually our routine walk as walking by the church brings me a sense of comfort plus it’s a nice grassy area for my dog) I was surprised to see him riding his bike late at night in my neighborhood as he lives at his seminary – 1 hour away from the church. I don’t know if it was fate for me to run into him that night but it was surreal since all day I had been crying about him leaving the church. Maybe God planned it that way, I don’t know but it turns out he was temporary staying at the rectory while his seminary school is on a break. As a matter of fact, he had been staying there the whole time I was on vacation! Of course, I thought to myself, if I hadn’t went on vacation we would have had many oppurtunities to run into each other! That night, we took a 2 hour walk and talked about all sorts of things. We talked about our families/backgrounds/and mostly of his becoming a priest and his love for God and wanting to be just like Jesus. During the walk, I was dying inside wanting to tell him about my feelings for him but couldn’t do it. The way we walked and talked with each other as if we’ve known each other for years walking so close to one another. When our walk ended (which I wish it never did) he had told me that since he was staying all week at the rectory to come by anytime to visit. That sort of caught me by surprise but I was flattered. He obviously enjoyed my company to invite me to visit him at the rectory. He even mentioned that before he leaves the parish , that I should give him my contact information so he could invite me to his ordination to be a priest in one year! I was honored that he would even think of inviting me!

A few days later, I decided to take his invitation and visit him at the rectory and see if he wanted to go for coffee or another walk and he wasnt there. The parish priest who answered the door probably was a little surprised to see me stop by. He had me go inside to see if my seminarian friend was available. It turns out that he wasn’t even there, he had been invited to dinner by another parish. The priest who answered the door calls my seminarian friend on his cell phone and tells him that he has a visitor waiting for him. I did feel a little embarrassed because I was already nervous about visiting and finally when I had the guts to do it, he wasnt even there! As the parish priest passed the phone to me, my seminarian friend thanked me for visiting and told me how he got invited to dinner at another parish. I told him maybe we could do it some other time and he said …”yes, yes, for sure”. I felt a little uncomfortable about what the parish priest was thinking. He told me to leave my number with the priest that was there and we can get together another time. Well between that day and the following Sunday (his last day at my parish), he never called for that walk or coffee. I felt soooo rejected and hurt but still on his last day at our parish, I approached him. He gave me a hug and a handshake and we held hands while he said, “Always walk with the Lord, and he’ll always stay on your side”. I got overwhelmed looking into his eyes and got emotional and gave him his goodbye card. The card had my address, phone number and email (he did say to provide contact information) so I didn’t hesitate to put all of it. As we said our goodbyes, he said, I will be staying here at the rectory until Thursday so maybe we’ll pass each other again. I told him that I hope we would. From that Sunday until Thursday (today), I waited and waited for that phone call and would cry myself to sleep. Why didn’t he call? I feel so hurt, alone and feel betrayed. I feel that he knew I had feelings for him and maybe took advantage of it……….He did tell me what parish he was transferring to on Sundays and when he told me that, I did mention that I may have to pay that parish a visit on some Sundays and he said, “For sure!”. Now because he hasn’t called, I feel uncomfortable stopping by at the other parish where he will be. Whats even worse, is yesterday I was walking my dog, not too far from the church and rectory area and all of a sudden I saw him walking with the other parish priest. Feeling really uncomfortable and rejected because he never called, I pretended to be preoccupied with getting a dirt of my sweater and the worst thing that is killing me is that he walked right past me with the other priest and didn’t say hello. I’ve been going crazy ever since. I am very heartbroken. My friends tell me that he probably didn’t see you but I think its unlikey that he didn’t see me. Yes, he was conversing with the other priest while they were walking and maybe maybe he didn’t notice me walk by but I will never know.

I dont know what to do. Should I stop by at the other parish one Sunday to see him? I dont want to look like a stalker but he did tell me where he was transferring to so I think maybe he wants me to see him there. I feel so hurt and rejected and I dont know if this is Love but the pain is unbearable.

Please anyone give me advice. If your a priest maybe getting advice from an actual priest might help me understand better.