friends help: Feeling very lonely. - Help.com

Here? Hard to explain. a part of Istanbul

Thanks, it was really nice to get an answer. Don’t really want to get into anything now, just needed some human contact. It’s getting late here, I should try to get some sleep, have work to do tomorrow

Thanks

My grandparents were Irish imigrants to New York. My parents came here as teachers when I was a baby. I grew up here, left for some years, then came back. At the moment I make my living as a translator, translating novels from Turkish to English. I hate translating, it’s mind twisting, and it doesn’t pay enough. I’m hoping some of my own novels will get published. Other than that, in my time I’ve done many things, from dishwashing to social work. How about you.

Wish you lots of fun on your date Devon. You seem a nice guy

Glad to hear that Devon. Is this someone you just met, or someone you know? Do you think you’ll date this person again? As for me, yesterday was not a good day at all, but today, so far (I’ve only been up for half an hour, still on me second coffee) I feel OK. I feel a bit stronger and more positive. I’m seeing my ex-wife tommorrow, which will be tough. I haven’t seen her for almost three weeks. Every time I see her I fall in love with her again. But on Sunday I’m going away for a few days. In a way I’m dreading it, going on vacation alone can suck, but I’m trying to think about it in a more positive way

Silverwings, I still believe there’s hope, but at the moment I feel discouraged.We talked for several hours today, but just about general things. I was reserved, and careful not to show or express my feelings for her, as this makes her angry, makes her feel I’m trying to manipulate her.
A big problem is that her perception of me, and of what happened between us, is different from mine. She sees me as evil, and feels I deliberately wanted to hurt her and control her. I know I never wanted to hurt her or control her. I don’t want to get into definitions of evil, but feel I’m guilty of immaturity, thoughtlessness and of indulging my bad habits, but not of malicious ill will.
It’s clear that she was hurt deeply, but I think that what hurt her most is something I don’t know about, something I’m not able to understand. It’s clear that she wants to maintain a relationship with me. She hopes that I’ll “come back”, but I don’t know what this means. She expects something of me, but I don’t know what it is she expects. I wish I did. (No, I can’t ask, because part of what she expects is for me know this without asking.)
For my part, I need somehow to deal with the deep sense of anguish and loss, and the attendant loneliness and frustration and anxiety and depression, that’s eating at me and making daily life unbearable. I’m working at it, trying to change, to grow up. I keep falling, but want to pick myself up and keep making the effort.