How does one stop “needing attention”?
I think I may have a problem with this, and I’d like to know how to overcome it. I don’t act out and do obscene, offensive things to get attention, but I do get sad when ignored, particulary by certian people. I think it may be due to a profound deficiency of recieved attention as a kid-teen. (I’m 21 now). I never lived with my birth parents, just my maternal gradmother, and she was often phsyically and verbally abusive to me. I was teased relentlessly at school from kindergarten through around 9th grade. Part of if may be also attributed to me being in a group home for girls from my 11th birthday to the summer before my 17th birthday. I can remember always fantasizing about being popular and cool with cool clothes and cool things in middle school. things haven’t changed much…well somewhat, I’m goodlooking now. In my own way. I’m a 6foot tall girl that dresses/looks/ like a boy. I ALWAYS get told I look like a beautiful boy. I say that to say that while i’m highly attractive there ppl who may still disagree with my personal choice of style and say negative things. Anyway, things haven’t changed much besides my looks, I still fantasize about having a beautiful straight girl fall for me and become my girlfriend, and having an awesome car and being as cool as some of the frat boys on campus. I’m a little random and spontaneous at times around friends, some times i say things to be funny, spontaneous as jokes, and one itme my friend say I was doing it jsut for attention..another said i’m an “attention whore” because I’m tall good looking and always look like a model around school. anyway…partially it’s true…I want certain girls to notice me. and be attracted to me. I like being stopped three times a day being asked if I’m a model/do i play basketball ( i used to HATE the latter) especially since i used to get physically bullied and teased because I was so “ugly” and “amazonian”….I guess what I’m getting at…why is always viewed as so wrong when someone craves attention? is it wrong if someone really never had atention coming up as a youg person? how can i not care if ppl don’t talk to me? how can i get to the point where i’m independent enough to not care if my phone never rings? I read on urban dictionary earlier this morning that “attention whores” prefer to have 1000’s of ppl to be aquainted with and NO or VERY FEW real friends. I think that may be my situation because I have very few meaningful relationships…its painful to get to know ppl deeply and share my background…most people are surprised when they find out what ive been through and how i grew up…so i don’t go there. coupled with the desire ive always had to have TONS of friends and be recongized WHERE EVER I GO. which has been a total success at a very high costs. I am ALWAYS lonely…although I can be surrounded by people who may be attracted to be near e because of my “star power” and good looks…but..we’re not really “friends” they have no idea about how im feeling etc….and at times I want to tell them and get help from with whats on my mind…but i can tell they quickly detach themselves from the situation or..they just don’t care..as if to say…”you have friends for that….” or “go tell your friends”..little do they know, I thought they WERE my friends. so i dunno. this enitre self examination began because a girl whom i have a huge crush on in intown this weekend visiting sum friends. I asked her to get at me when she was down so i could see her. she said she’d try. when we hang out she’s so warm and jovial. and for a second i thought it was special attention to me, but i stepped out side myself and realized…she’s that way to everyone. i thought for a second she was interested in me. anywho…she hasn’t contacted me, and i don’t wanna contact her to be like “hey you haven’t called…” because that would be annoying (as ive learned on previous occaisions with different ppl)…so I’m not going to call or text her..i just hope she’s not thinking the same thing…waiting for me to contact her…because it WON”T happen. I’ve been called clingy, needy, ..and the like by a few of the last ppl ive gotten close to because they quickly became,sadly, my ONLY friend/support group since I don’t know my family. so now I go out of my way to do the exact opposite of my desires to avoid a similar outcome. if i want ot call someone…idont. i wait for them to call me. sometimes they never do. If i want to write on someone’s wall on facebook…i don’t. I guess, I just want to be as neutral as possible. I want to be noticed and have friends, but I really don’t want to drive ppl away by smothering them as i have b4. im at a point now where a lot of ppl who do care about me think i dont care about them because I never call/text/etc bcause i have an irratinal fear or being too close too soon and too much, needy, clingy etc. Thanks to all who actually read all this.
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