This post left anonymously
I am feeling so down right now.
I recently left a relationship of almost four years…there are many reasons why I should have left long ago, but I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment.
When I first started hanging out with him he was heartbroken over another girl, but I thought it was my job to make him smile, and get him over her. I persevered through many ups and downs, but eventually he was “mine”. But the same problems kept surfacing in our relationship…he would go overboard flirting with other girls so I never felt like I could trust him, we were living in a very poor town where I could never get a good job and we were always broke, I gained weight because of the stress from some of the awful jobs I -did- manage to find, every once in awhile I would find out he’d been talking to “her” again (the ex I had originally gone through hell over). Every year we’d talk about moving away somewhere together (to find better jobs and a better cultural life), and each time he’d decide he didn’t want to go–and if I wanted to be with him, I wouldn’t go either.
So finally this past fall, right before our third anniversary, I found out he’d fallen back into the not-so-innocent flirting again, and something finally snapped inside. I decided that in June when the lease was up, I was leaving–with or without him…and I knew which one he would choose.
So he was on extra good behavior for the most part after that…he did lots of sweet things for me, and NO FLIRTING for once! Of course this made me sad that I was leaving him, but I held my ground. As it came closer and it became apparent that I was not going to budge, he got even sweeter, and one day he even asked me “Would you drop everything and move to LA with me if I asked you to?” (keep in mind that over a year before that we had already made that plan, and he had backed out of it then)
At this point it was too little too late. But I asked him “Are you serious? Have you actually decided to move there, or are you still just thinking about it?” And of course his answer was….just thinking about it. So I told him I was NOT going to change my plans over a maybe. I told him to make his decision and get back to me…knowing the whole time that my decision was already made.
So the last few days I was there, he was so incredibly sweet…we cried soooo much….he did things for me that he never had before (like bring me a flower…yeah, he NEVER brought me flowers during our relationship until the day I was leaving). He wanted us to visit each other often and still keep up communication…he was so sad, and everything seemed to be going wrong for him, I just wanted to make him happy…and I knew I would miss him terribly. You can’t be around someone day in and day out for that long without being best friends.
We talked every day after I left…he was so lonely and miserable, and we were planning visits to each other and everything. Little did I know that he started seeing someone else a mere few weeks after I left. He lied and lied…acted like he was still all “mine”…told me how much he loved and missed me and couldn’t wait to see me and hold me again. And I was stupid enough to believe him. I am falling apart inside. I should be happier than I’ve been in years! I found a fantastic job in my hometown making way more than I ever would have in that crappy place…and with a lot less stress involved…not to mention it’s something I’m actually interested in. But all I can think of is how I’ve been betrayed over and over and fallen for it over and over. I left him my bed (because he’s such a loser he doesn’t have one). He’s sleeping with her in MY BED!!!!! It kills me. And I go on myspace and there are cutesy pictures of them together. I’ve thought about cutting myspace out of my routine for awhile, but I need it to stay in contact with some of the people who actually DO care about me. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been losing sleep like crazy. I’m up one minute and down the next. I just can’t take it…
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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