friends help: Do people who smoke things other than cigarettes bug you? - Help.com

It’s fine with me as long as the other person can control themselves. Why does it bug you so much?

If you don’t know why if feels wrong then it is you are at least it’s your responsibility to find out why you hate it so much. You shouldn’t ask him to give it up unless you yourself have a reason.

http://help.com/post/40178-do-you-wan…

how does it make you feel to be, at best, in second place behind a weed?

http://help.com/post/56586-i-have-man…

It’s okay that it bothers you, and it IS illegal, but you don’t need to ride him about it, he knows it upsets you, and you know he doesn’t want to stop. Any further discussion is going to be interpreted as nagging, and your relationship will have bigger problems. You’re no less important to him, he just feels like he needs it to relax or to relieve pain now and then. If he’s still with you, he still cares about you.

She pointed out that she isn’t in second place. Try talking a look at this from a relationship point of view. If I had given up something to be in a relationship and then had problems & split up, I would be wary of giving it up again for the same relationship. You need to find the reason it gets to you and fix that, not just asking him to quit something he likes.

Besides, pretty much ANY place that a guy lives smells pretty bad to his girlfriend. Don’t forget that.

Can you cite that, Cgarvi?

Either. Both, prefferably. ;)

Not sure if he’ll stop or not. That’s his choice, not yours. Best thing you can do for yourself is try and get to the bottom of why it bugs you and try and see his pov on the whole thing. (BTW, pot is not worse then alcohol. When it comes to hurting your body.)

I dissagree with you on that, but whatever. Someone should make a post for a pot debate, I’m not going to get into it any further on this post.

Yes harder drugs but here is my counter to your link http://headsmagazine.typepad.com/head…

my turn, my turn…the guy in the stry was a smoker when the girl meet him…then she changed him..I think what really bothers her is not the smell, or the mess, it’s the fact the change she made did not stick.

I HATE pot, and wish no one smoked it, but if i hook up with a woman who does it, and I know she does it, it is far from my place to decide that she has to make a choice tween me and pot..

now, on the other hand, it is not clear if he is a casual user, or has a heavy, heavy, life affecting habit. If it is an extreme overindulgence, then by all means lets try to help him.

again, i Do not think the issue is exactly as presented here after all.

Those aren’t unwanted side effects, they’re the REASON people smoke.

Yes, but it also said “To say that the scan represents evidence of damage is misleading. “It’s important to note when covering brain scan-based research that a ‘change’ in the brain isn’t necessarily a bad thing: learning, falling in love, seeing, hearing and virtually any other experience can be expected to cause changes in the brain,”” IE not damaging it as your link claims.

****, and i got accused of going off topic in other posts???

Would it be possible that you are taking your anger from your father using drugs out on your bf when he smokes?

Hey , Naska, isn’t it like a law that you have to smoke at least a little pot if you live on a tropical island?

I saw a bumpersticker once that said Always HI with a pot leaf and the outline of Hawaii in the background. Mildly relevant. To the tangent at least.

true. Also somewhat on point..I dated a great girl once that tried to get me to quit smoking cigs….they still have not found the body

Not that I know of. My views are based off of observation of others as well as knowledge of how THC’s affects the body not personal experience.

I want to remind you that there is someone asking for advice. Perhaps this isn’t the topic for this dissection. So unless you want to give her advice based on your personal feeling and not take into consideration how her bf feels you might want to put your own views on the subject aside.

Go here for that. http://help.com/post/86048-what-is-yo…

i made a very honest reply, but see no further interaction from the poster..thus, i take advantage of my rights as a member of this site to post what i want, as long as it is not in violation of the TOS..thank you.

thanks..now go to the pot opinion post and enjoy the show.

rtt06, Did something happen between you and your dad because of his drug use? (or him and someone you cared about for that matter) I’m not looking for a what, just a yes or no.

You said that he has changed a lot for you, how and have you changed for him in any ways?

How have you changed for him?

It sounds like he cares a lot about you, and he’s made a lot of sacrifices for you. Don’t try to make him do everything exactly like you want him to … he’s entitled to some things you disagree with. And he doesn’t even smoke around you, so I don’t really see the problem. And as far as the fact that he occasionally chooses to smoke instead of hanging out with you — that’s actually your choice not to be with him when he’s high.

Addiction is a very complicated issue, something that does not go away easily or can be controled for the ‘love’ of another person. That is why it is addiction. Is he interested in help?

Personally that is grounds for breaking up.
I hate it.
It’s bad for your health, it makes you stupid.
I have really bad allergies and asthma, and therefor being around stuff like that might kill me so I’m a little bias.
But even if I didn’t have my health problems, I still find it disgusting.
Plus I’ve seen what drugs do to people, and yes that includes marijuana.
If you don’t like it, and he won’t stop for you, then really I don’t see much point in the relationship.
But that’s only my opinion and I understand that most people don’t have such strong views.
Goodluck.

Yeah, it’s people’s choice.
Whatever.
And it’s my choice to not like it.
So back off.

There are a lot of things that are lifestyle choices that people make that other people don’t like (drinking, gaming, gambling, religion, etc). It sounds like the poster rtt06 has come to the conclusion that this choice of her boyfriend’s is something she cannot live with. Breaking up might not be the solution, but it’s definitely important to realize this is a boundary you have. HOW MUCH do you hate it? At this point, it’s up to you to decide your options, not change him. He has made his decision. I truly believe you cannot change others, you can only change yourself and how you react to others.

have you ever smoked pot? it really is really good. i have only ever smoked once. but i loved it. (not the smoking (yuck) just the high) please try to understand where HE is coming from.

rtt06: i applaud your stance against your bf’s usage of it. it is awkward for one person to be in drug culture and the other one not, and we all support preferring for anyone to not be involved in them! i feel pretty sure there are better ways for your boyfriend to relieve his pain.

There are better ways, and your desire for him to quit may be good for him, but if he doesn’t agree there is nothing you can do to change his mind and it will make him grow more and more obstinate. You can’t change him. Only he can change himself, and hte more you pressure the less he will want to do the introspection necessary to do so. Whether you stay with him or not, you can’t bring it up anymore. At all. If you love him and want to stay together you can’t make him feel like you pressuring him in any way (and for guys even a look can make him think that). He knows how you feel. Giving him room to quit is the only way he will …but he probably won’t.

I completely understand you rtt06… I can’t stand the smell of it or the way it makes people act - and, yes, usually the friends of pot-heads are idiots or loosers because they only come over to smoke pot, sit there, then sleep there.

Your bf has a problem. You can NOT fix it… only he can. There are only so many times a person can try to quit for someone else - in the end, they have to do it because they want to do it for themselves. And, I do know what I’m talking about. I am a former drug addict (pot was one of the many drugs I used - and the easiest to get). I’ve been clean for about 10 years.

Anyways… my advice to you… if your bf’s lifestyle bothers you that much, you need to break up with him. Yes, it hurts your relationship because it is very hard for any relationship to last when both people have different beliefs, cultures, lifestyles, etc.

If your bf does not want to quit, you need to say goodbye. The reason? You obviously have a problem with him smoking pot - and, if he doesn’t change, this will ALWAYS be a problem in your relatoinship with him AND will only get worse with time.

Another reason… the people that he (and ultimately you) surrounds himself with probably aren’t a very good crowd to be around (believe me, I’ve been there, through there and under there).

Yet another reason… money. The longer you smoke pot, the more you have to smoke to reach that first great “high” (which, many times will lead to other drugs to get a better “high”)… which means you have to spend more money. You may think that it’s his money so whatever… I’m telling you, he will start asking you for money (whether it be for pot or some other habit that he may pick up).

The biggest reason of all… YOU are against that lifestyle. Do not force yourself to be a part of something you don’t believe in. NOTHING is worth that. YOU NEED TO DO WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU (not your bf). I know you want to help him but please know that he is the only person on this earth that can help himself. In fact, I’ve dealt with this many times… my mom is an alcoholic… no matter how many times, and ways, I’ve tried over the years (my brother and sister have as well), she is just getting worse because she has to be the one that finally wants to stop.

I also think that the more you fight with your bf about it, the more resistant he is going to be. So… it’s time to sit down with him and ask him if he’s ready to quit. If he is, then your relationship has hope. If he isn’t ready to quit, then you need to tell him it’s over (unless you want to live your life like this)… all in all, if he isn’t ready to quit, your relationship is just going to become hazier and hazier with every joint he smokes. You may love him… but is it worth it?

I know it is all much harder said than done… but that’s how life is. Many times, you just have to do what you NEED to do… without stopping. You won’t regret it.

Good luck and please take care of yourself… that’s all anyone really can do.

Here, here! Well said pluckydog, and I a have lot of admiration for you for quitting.

I agree with Isabellaboo. I find it interesting that the people who smoke pot usually don’t think it’s bad for you. Yet, when those same people quit, they find out how healthy they have become without it. People say it’s better than being an alcoholic… well, it is but that doesn’t mean you should do it. That’s like saying beating a toddler isn’t as bad as beating a baby, so lets do that! It’s called ignorance.

My sister was a total pot-head as well (she never tried the other drugs). She use to be quite smart but after years of doing pot, she just isn’t the same. Her vocabulary used to be amazing, her thinking was quicker (mainly her wit), and her memory was great. Now… although she’s not stupid or brain-dead, she just isn’t the same (even though she practically quit about 5 years ago but still smokes up every couple months).

I’m not going to sit here and tell people not to do drugs… it doesn’t work. And, I know people are entitled to live their lives the way they want (as long as they don’t hurt any one else). So… if rtt06 doesn’t like her bf smoking pot, then why should she stay with him? If her bf wants to smoke pot, so be it - it’s his life. My point in all this is that pot does change people (mentally and physically). The other point is that why should rtt06 have to “get over it” when she is against it? She has as much right as her bf does to live life the way she wants to.

Anyways… this is getting almost as long as my previous post! So, again, take care and live for yourself because no one else will.

Thank you UCreateUrReality!

PluckyDog, you seem to think that her bf is ‘wrong’ for smoking and that he is the only once that has the choice to change. In my eyes this isn’t a who is wrong and who is right type of problem. If you want to get down to it, find out more about their break up and then point fingers because he did quit for her once all ready and who is to say that he would have started again if that never happened?

rtt06’s bf isn’t the only one who can change. If he has that choice so does rtt06. From the sound of it they both care about each other. He is going out of his way to make her feel better about it and she is trying to help the problem as well by asking for advice. It seems to me that they want to stay together and the answer to this problem isn’t as black and white as you make it out to be.

rtt06, leaving him would be tossing away everything that the two of you built. You’ve learned that from the first time he quit for you. If you left him now what good would it do?

my parents smoke dope too, so theres nothing i can really do bout it but hope that i don’t turn out like they did. =\

Naska, I did not say her bf is “wrong” but I did say he is the only one who can change himself. This is true. It is not right or wrong - it is what is best for rtt06. If she doesn’t like the situation she is in, then she needs to fix it or get out of it. She can’t fix it unless her bf agrees.

What you are saying reminds me of Freud. You are trying to link her problem with pot to something from her past. While interesting, I find it somewhat irrelevant. To me, it would seem that you are trying to get her to change and accept her bf’s habit.

They may care about one another (obviously they do), but when you bring a substance such as narcotics into the picture, that caring just isn’t usually enough. It doen’t matter if her father was an addict. The point is that she does NOT agree with this lifestyle and should not have to change her ways. I could see if it was something simple like the age old toilet paper battle (under or over) but this is beliefs and values we are talking about.

I don’t care how many times he quits for her… it will NOT work in the end. I am not saying this from a text book… I am saying this from experience. I spent 11 days in detox, 2 years in a drug rehabilitation facility, and it took a few years after all that to finally be rid of most of urges. In those years, I have met many people with different drug/alcohol problems and people who’s significant others had drug/alcohol problems/ Not to mention my own family… I could go on forever about them! But that is not what this is about.

This is about a person who got into a relationship, found out the other did something she was against, he “quit” for her, they broke up, he started again, now he won’t quit for her, now she’s having problems and so is their relationship. From my experience, it only gets worse until the addict wants to change. This is not about him or her being wrong, it is about someone who is a drug addict and how that is effecting the people around them.

As I mentioned before, my sister used to smoke pot. Well, her bf still does… they’ve been together for about 11 years. Remember my sister quit about 5 years ago. She doesn’t have a problem with her bf smoking pot. So that all fine and good. Her bf used to do cocaine but quit for her and himself (first he did it for her but fell back, then he finally wanted to do it). He has not done cocaine for about 4 years. If he continued to do cocaine… my sister would not have stayed with him - hard drugs was where she drew the line. My point is… neither of them are/were wrong or right… it’s a matter of belief and what is good for a person’s own well-being.

rtt06 leaving her bf would not be “tossing” everything away. She needs to talk with him (when he’s not high) and ask him if he is ready to quit and if he wants to quit. If he does, then they have a lot of work ahead of them. If he isn’t ready or doesn’t want to, then she needs to take a look at herself and her beliefs/values… and decide whether or not she can have a healthy relationship with her bf. If she comes to the conclusion that their relationship will remain very strained then, yes, it is best that they part ways. It’s hard, I know.

And, no, it is not black and white. There is all kinds of grey in there. I like grey areas… I thrive on them. Life should never be black and white. I’m not saying that it’s this or that… I’m saying that she needs to choose if she can work with her bf in their relationship, live with her bf in their relationship, or remove herself from the relationship. Choices are usually black and white… you can’t escape that… but it’s the grey “stuff” that you have to sift through to ultimately get to the decision you make.

Well… that was longer than intended! I hope all of it made some sense.

But is what you are saying is the her bf should change or she should leave. I see that as bad advice due to the fact that you’re making it his choice if he quits or she leave. When in fact it is both her and his choices. Putting the whole weight of the relationship on his shoulder after he has all ready given a lot seems unfair and in my own experience will ruin the relationship.

As for linking to something, why be upset at something if you have no reason to be upset?

Naska… Hmm… okay. I only know her side of the story… as she is the one on this website that we are communicating with. Therefore, I can only let her know what I think about her problem. I can go on forever about what I think her bf is going through because I’ve been there - but he is not on this site communicating with me, so I don’t have any right to do so. I can only give advise or information to her.

If he were to come on here and tell us, personally, what he thinks… it would, of course, be different. She came onto this website with a problem… I am giving her advice based on what I know and what I’ve experienced. She may take it or leave it; just like she may take or leave any one else’s advice/info that is posted on here. This isn’t about whether what you or I believe is the “proper” answer to her questions or ponderings, it’s about what she can take or leave from this post. I’m giving her my advice and information… you are giving her yours.

I can not argue with you whether or not they should stay together … I can only give my opinion on the matter. My advice is that she look at what everyone has posted and come to a better understanding of what she needs to do. An even better option would be to go to professional counselling where both rtt06 and her bf can work together to have a healthy relationship… but you both have to want to do it. Best of luck to you rtt06… ultimately, it’s your life - we are just bystanders in it.

Oops… I forgot Naska… about linking things… I think it’s very important to find out why we think and act the way we do. rtt06 can and should do that but I do not think it will help her “change” her beliefs in her stand against her bf’s lifestyle (if that is waht you are thinking). As they are not just beliefs… they are also values that she holds (and we are nothing without our values).

It would be like a christian and a satanist getting together and falling in love… in order for the relationship to work, one has to give into the other, or they can meet eachother half way; the question is, though, will both of them be happy giving in and/or meeting half way? If they think they will (they would BOTH have to believe this)… then, by all means, go for it. If not, then I would say it’s not worth it. If you, him/her, or both of you aren’t going to be happy… then what’s the point? All the Freudian theories in the world can’t save a relationship like that.

I guess I just don’t have a problem with questions my beliefs & values. I see questioning them as a way of growing as a person and a important part of life.

I agree with you Naska… through life we are always (I would hope) questioning/changing our beliefs and values as we venture through this journey. The only thing is that there are certain values that are almost part of who we are and will always be… these are the ones that don’t change. An example: I’ve always, as far as I can remember, valued/respected animals and nature - I could never be with someone who is disrespectful to animals and nature because that value is very important to me.

But… that is a whole other argument and not appropriate for this post. I think you are picking little peices out of my replies and seeing them differently than what I am trying to portray. If anyone else is reading these posts, maybe they could try to explain what I’m saying in better terms… I don’t know.

Anyways… I don’t want to get into this type of discussion on this post. I came here to offer advice, not to argue with others. We can agree to disagree I guess! Take care and thank you Naska for the interesting discussion.

In my opinion you should at least try changing and see if it betters who you are seeing as he was the one who gave it up to be with you the first time. Worse case you still don’t like it and you have a talk with him about it and try to come up with another answer. Just remember rtt06, you have just as much choice in this as he does.

rtt06… it sounds good to me. I think you will both benefit from talking about it. Hopefully, you will both come to a conclusion that will make you both happy in the long run. I know it is very hard - it’s going to be hard no matter what you both choose to do.

It sounds like you both care deeply for one another and maybe that will be enough to help you two better your relationship. You have many options available to you. You can try to change and accept his habit. You can try to get him to quit his habit. You can try to help him through his habit. You can go to counselling. You can end the relationship. There are many things you can do but it’s up to you (or both of you if you decide to work together on this). Whatever you decide… let it be the one that benefits your well-being. Please take care… I wish you luck and peace.

do you want kids? do you want them to have a pothead for a dad?

Here’s what im thinking of :

You: “Okay, this is really serious. The pot smoking is bothering me to the point where Im considering offering you a choice: me or the pot”

Him: “What? How could you do that, you know i need to smoke it”

You: “That’s all I have to say. Its up to you from here on out, and know that those are my absolute conditions.”

This way, if things fall out badly, he cannot blame you for not giving him fair warning, and he cannot say you didn’t give him a chance. This is the chance you are giving him, a time period for him to make a choice,where its totally clear what the terms are to both people.

“If you love me you’ll quit.” I find that manipulative and shallow. That would insult all the precautions he’s gone to keep it away from you. That’s just like saying, “I don’t care that you’re trying, quit or I leave.”

yeah - so if he cheats on you then you can’t say “if you love me you won’t cheat on me”… geeesh! you do have the right to set boundaries… especially if you are thinking of making this a life long commitment. Maybe not - if you love me quit… but even if you love me it is not enough for me if you are going to be a pothead - I want better for myself and my future…

besides.. he was deceitful in getting you together with him under a false premise that he did not smoke… he Is choosing pot over you - you know you would not have gotten together with a pothead… and he Knew it too

“My boyfriend used to be a pothead until he met me and he stopped smoking so he could date me.”

He quit so he could date you.

“Well, i took him back regardless of his new habit.”

You took him back knowing he was smoking again.

“if you love me it is not enough for me if you are going to be a pothead”

This seems like “Your love isn’t enough for me I shouldn’t of dated you again.”

You seem to be getting a lot of advice that no matter your bf’s choice would bring a quick end to your relationship.

I agree with you wretch (about the cheating thing).

Everyone has a right to set boundaries. And, true, some people don’t really realize their boundaries until someone crosses them. That’s allowed… it’s called being human.

Who’s a hypocrite?

My wife is a Christian woman who doesn’t smoke or drink. I love pot. We have worked it out. I do it outside or in special areas designated as a place to smoke. Like under the stove hood with the fan on ~chuckles~. We have been married for 15 years now, so it can work.

Today, if I am grumpy or in a mood she will make me smoke ~chuckles~. A far cry from how she felt when we first got together ~chuckles~.

Really it is what do you want in life, if you really abhor Marijuana for whatever reason then you need to do what is comfortable for you, or change your paradigm. ~smiles~ to be with the one you love.

It does help with pain that is why I do it. I am terminal and don’t want to take pain killers until I absolutely have to ~smiles~. But even when I wasn’t terminal I was smoking it ~smiles~.

“love pot” :(

“so if he cheats on you then you can’t say “if you love me you won’t cheat on me””
Yes, at that point you would have the right to it, but that is because he did something wrong. The thing about that is he didn’t do anything wrong. rtt06 took him back knowing he smoked. If he does something wrong, by all means treat him like a jerk, but from the sound of it, “theres a lot of little things that hes done to make me happy”, he hasn’t.

Yeah I love things that keep me from vomitting an being in constant pain every waking hour. I also like the fact that it doesn’t make me stupid like painkillers ~smiles~.

there you have it rt066

OccultPizz… I think that is wonderful that you two have been able to work it out. I agree with you about her needing to do what is comfortable for her and that she can change her paradigm (providing she can get past his “lifestyle” part). Again, I think it depends on the smoker… how often and why. To me, it sounds more like her bf is an addict more than a medical user. But then, I do not know him. She will have to be the judge of that (whether he is an addict or “needs” it for medical reasons).

I believe very much that pot has medicinal qualities that the medical field should really be paying more attention to. To believe that something has medicinal qualities does not mean that I believe people should smoke up all the time (it would be like morphine… it’s good for medical purposes but not to use all the time… as an addict would). Pf course, as with anything, there are all kinds of grey areas in this.

Anyways… I hope we are helping rtt06 and not confusing her further!

Naska… just because a guy does “sweet” things to make a girl “happy” doesn’t necessarily mean it is a good relationship. Think about all the men that beat their wives to a pulp then show up the next day with flowers, jewelry, presents, cards, etc, to apologise. You hear women say, “Oh, but he said he’s really sorry”… then he beats her again next week. I know my example is a little extreme but my point is… “sweet” or “nice” gestures only go so far.

But hh hasn’t done anything wrong and I refuse to give her advice based on the idea that he has!

*he

Yeah your probably right. Even though I am in a lot of pain and sick I usually only smoke 2 grams a day. That is not very much at all, about 3X a day. The same as most prescriptions. And I don’t get ripped to where I can’t do anything but sit on the couch either ~chuckles~. My wife definately wouldn’t tolerate that ~chuckles~.

Okay… I understand you there Naska. I now see your point! I don’t think he has done anything “wrong” either. I just think this guy is an addict and, by what rtt06 tells us, she isn’t happy with that. So… she needs to decide whether or not she can live with that. I think they really need to talk about it to see where eachother stands on the matter.

When I say she should leave him because of whatever… I do NOT mean he has done something wrong. I am simply saying that if she can not live with this “pot-head”, then she needs to leave him - not because he did something wrong but because their paths seem like they’re not pointed in the same direction as she may have first thought.

I also don’t see her leaving him as punishing him for his habit… I see it as her doing what she believes is best for her. Think about it… if she left him, both would be in the better. He would have a chance at meeting someone who is more accepting of his habit and she would have the chance of meeting someone who does not have this habit.

I don’t know if I’m getting my point across properly… but I now know what your concern is.

It just all depends on what she is willing to do or not do in the relationship… the same goes with her bf.

My last girlfriend used to smoke pot a lot, but she stop when she started dating me. Then she went through some hard times and started smoking every day or more. I told her that it bothered me and I didn’t like it that she smoked all the time. She thought that she didn’t have to give up smoking and date me, so she dumped me so she could smoke all the time. It totally broke my heart and ripped me apart. Seemed like smoking pot was more important than my love for her. I’m still not over it.

Rtt06, I think when you talk to him you just have to keep 2 things in mind:

1. you have to stick to your guns and know that you will not change what you believe or cave in on what you want in your space. This doesnt mean you have the right to control him

2. You have to let me know you love him and you are not doing this to badger him or try to change him.

I think OccultPizz’s deal with his wife is great, but that’s a very comprimise stance thats hard for most people to make.
Good luck

“1. you have to stick to your guns and know that you will not change what you believe or cave in on what you want in your space. This doesnt mean you have the right to control him”

How can you ask him to change if you’re not willing to change as well? Comprimising is a large part of being in a relationship.

Naska, changing for the worse, or saying “oh, I love him so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to smoke with him once in a while,” or “maybe being so dirty around the house isn’t so bad,” or “those friends who are a bad influence on him could hang around every once in a while, I guess.”
At her age and their short time being together, that would definitely be a mistake as that is the beginning of a slippery slope in life letter men drag her down where she doesn’t want to be. A person’s core beliefs are not changed because they love someone. ‘Love’ is used too often to make excuses for loosing yourself in a relionship. That’s all Im saying.

Well said UcreateUrReality… ;)

If you don’t change yourself, how do you grow as a person. I flat out do not support the idea of telling people to be close minded. I was telling her to do that for herself to help her grow as a person not for love. And if you’re saying that she should give up her love because he smokes, you do not know what love is.

Naska…. But, then, the same argument could be made for th bf… why is it her that has to “grow as a person” and not him? Yeah, he gave it up at first (as far as she knew)… I’m sure both of them have compromised for each other… so why do you think she should change and not him? Yes, you say she has the problem… but I could turn around and say he has the problem (he is addicted to pot and does it even when she has expressed her discontent with it). So who should be the one that apparently has to “change” or “grow” as a person? We could run in circles around this all day.

I would say her because she went into the relationship know he smoked. If that bugged her that much then she shouldn’t of gone back out with him. It was her choice. He has compromised with her trying go out of his way not to let it get to her. It would seem unfair to him to tell her that she shouldn’t compromise at all.

Talk to him. Star off by asking him if you did have a kid would he quit before you see him as a pothead dad.

I’m sorry but the more information you give… the more it seems like your bf needs to change for the better of your relationship. If he chooses not to or can’t, then, I agree, you need to get out of the relationship before things get worse and more serious. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Obviously, Naska, she has had this conversation with him about their future and the pot.

I stick to what I’ve already posted… if you find yourself unhappy with what you envision your future with him to be (if he does not seek help with his addiction), then you need to do what you think is best for YOU. It seems that your bf is not doing what is best for himself (which only he can ultimately do)… so what are you suppose to do? You are only in control of you.

Yes, maybe you took him back knowing he still smoked pot… maybe you thought he would quit or that he would taper off of it… maybe you thought you could live with it… there are a variety of reasons that you may have considered. That doesn’t mean you are in the wrong - you are human - many of us don’t realize how against something we are until it is put right in front of us.

Naska, it seems as though she has tried living with him doing pot - and, as we’ve read, it is not working. You can’t say she hasn’t tried to “change” or “grow” in this because she has (she did take him back and has given his lifestyle a chance). Now, she realizes it will not work. What else can she possibly do without brushing her own values aside and being unhappy?

This is not as simple as saying “love will get us through”… there is a mind altering substance involved which changes all the rules of love. No matter how much they love eachother, the drug will always come first to him (whether he believes/likes it or not) - it’s called addiction. And, you can only talk so much about it… if there is no change or willing to change, talk is useless.

And, yes, I know exactly what love is. I am very fortunate know love. I’ve been in a very healthy loving relationship for 6 and a half years now. If I were to start drugs again… even if my partner were to try to live with it, we would not be very happy. No matter how much we love eachother, what is the point of staying in an unhappy relationship… in fact, if we really do love eachother, then it is best to let go if either one or both is unhappy.

To me it just seems like your “beating a dead horse”… it is not giving up on the relationship, it is seeing the reality of the situation and taking appropriate action (which in your case would be to let it be and move on with your life).

By what you’ve said rtt06, you are not happy (and neither is he)… and you seem like you already know what you want/need to do… so it’s time to act on it.

‘Nough said.

ya,
people who smoke any thing bug me too much,
http://www.iherbal.in