Love help: At What Point Does Love Become Co-Dependency… - Help.com

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Well you can stop right at the first sentence. In love you never want to be fully dependent on the other. That causes catastrophic issues.

But I think it takes time to happen, if it does. It’s different for everyone.

This may help:
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.co…
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Pe…
http://www.joy2meu.com/codependent2.htm

Even being happy with yourself doesn’t make the loneliness go away. It just gives you something else to feel.

do you feel like the need to be with someone is an addition?

if so then you are giving the men in your life control over you, they will decide what you get and what you do not get, co-dependency is when two people feel that they absolutely can not live without each other. Do the men in your seem to be able to live with or without you?

True love could be defined as “Interdependent”.

Co-dependents do need love, but what is worse is they enable their lovers to get away with heinous BS that no normal human being would tolerate!

I know this because my wife use to be co-depent when we first met and I was hooked on meth for a decade at the time. She protected me while I shot dope, most the time she didn’t really know it. She was just naive. Today, things are way differnt ~smiles~. I don’t touch that stuff anymore, well not in 12 years anyways ~smiles~.

It sounds like you are realizing and accepting it, and perhaps changing it and that is awesome ~smiles~.

One things you said caught my attention. You said you make friend effortlessly, so did you ever ponder the fact you may be “Empathic?” ~smiles~ I have observed a lot of co-dependents who were that way, but were like savants in intuition ~smiles~. Just curious.

i think what you are looking for is acceptance, and you have the power to accept yourself. Being alone could be good for you it will give you time to think about what you need and what you want. Take time to take care of yourself and your needs, when you are good for yourself then you can be good for someone else.

When two people come together who are dependant upon each other, it is a match made in Heaven. (That means it’s a good thing.)

I was in one of these types of relationships and I know what you mean about just wanting to be alone, but still having a piece of you that hates every moment. I missed the cuddling, but I asked myself…is THAT who you want cuddling you? He was abusive in the same ways your ex is. I thought…how can someone struggle to find something nice to say about me one moment and then want to hold me the next? I felt like I was “good enough for now” and that wasn’t good enough at all for me. It is a blessing in disquise, trust me. It will make you stronger and you will be more cautious in the next relationship, even if you don’t think you will…it’ll happen believe me. After getting out of my bad relationship, I thought I would dive into another one and not care if it was good or bad, but the truth is, I wound up not settling. If I met someone and they showed the same character traits as him…I bailed before I became attached and it was a lot easier to leave a sorry relationship behind each time. I STILL haven’t found that one person I can trust and let completely into my heart, but the truth is, there aren’t too many people that are worthy of that anymore. People have stopped having compassion and just care about primal, immediate satisfaction. Like anything in life, finding a REAL love takes time and patience and discretion. You gotta shop around to find the best deal with everything else in life…love isn’t any different.

gosh, sounds like me when i was younger. you should research co-dependency and ways to break it. the key (which you already said u know) is being ok with yourself first. you shouldnt NEED people in order to function. actually it pushes people away. wait you already know that too. i find stuff online from agencies who give you steps to follow and little activities you can do. but you have to work at it. it is like a bad habit that you have to reprogram thats all. and you will probably have to find out and address what it is that is making you feel incomplete without others. but try to find a guide online or library that has a little program you can follow. you can actually make it fun. and you will be getting to know yourself better and be confident all by yourself, then you can do ANYTHING =)

It’s not so bad. I am co-dependant; it’s part of my mental condition. Mad and all that. At first I was like that, latching onto the first girl I saw, but then I found Ella. And I’ve been happy ever since. She’s there for me, and I’m there for her.
So the trick, I suppose, is to be dependant on a person who is also partly dependant on you.

i disagree with 7 about being dependent on a person who is dependent on you. i guess you could go on like that for ever, or you could become independent and learn how to depend on yourself only then you can get through anything even if no one is around…

On the other hand, if you never allow yourself to truly commit to a person, what do you think will become of that relationship? If you teach yourself to live alone then alone is how you will live.

a big thing about life (to me) is balance. and yes, sometimes the scale has to tip a little further one way and at other times the other way, but allowing yourself to “not be able to live” without something or someone is unhealthy. if i would bring god into this, we are only to depend on him, we are not to depend on other people or things. we will surely get let down anyway.

That’s assuming that no one can be trusted. It’s the difference between leaning on a concrete pillar and leaning on a straw: one of them actually will hold you up. But ask this; are you in a relationship for yourself, or both people?

Yes. I am completely interdependant; I guess I just got lucky. I could support myself, but exploring my own mind is… a frightening prospect, at best.

actually, ive had this problem myself. ive pushed a lot of people away as a result. im glad ive realised about the problem cos then i know i can sort it. i noticed i was doing it to guys when my social interacted got affeced the the second one i liked, the first one i hadn’t realised it was me. second time it was more obvious.