hey, it’s my turn to lay my heart out on the table :D
p.s. there’s a short version at the bottom, if you’re lazy :p
this IS A LONG POST, sorry, but i’ve seen you guys come through brilliantly for a lot of people in the past couple days (and i’ve TRIED to keep up with you :p ), and right now I feel like I could use that too. it’s just… i don’t really know how to write about this, to someone who’s not involved. my girlfriend is all wrapped up in it too, so she knows where i’m coming from… and i can talk to her about it just fine, but it still doesn’t seem to get better :(
but let’s just make this clear: i’m not here seeking any kind of replacement for her, in ANY capacity. her name is erin, and she’s olive skinned with luxurious dark hair and the kind of eyes that you could go swimming in for days on end. (i’m sure some of you will know what i mean ;) two years ago, we were just random friends who liked to chat now and again…
actually, i was coming out of a drug dependency when i first got to know her. it wasn’t, idk, REHAB bad, but it shook me up enough, i didn’t really know what to live for anymore. the friendship she gave me helped me back into the real world… and she didn’t even know it! :D (i’ve made sure that she knows it by now)
but even then, we were still just friends. we even used to talk about our respective crushes together… it’s REALLY weird, thinking back to when we used to plot out ways for her to get close to ANOTHER guy o.O we became closer and closer friends throughout that year (my junior year in high school, her sophmore), until we were each other’s best friends. the rest… mostly just fell into place ;)
it’s interesting to note that we were having late night phone conversations, and saying “i love you” while crying - you know that whole desperate routine - BEFORE we were “going out” or anything “more than just friends.” (of course we were more than just friends by then, but would WE admit it?! hell no, we were the last ones to face the truth :p )
alright now, listen: i’m well aware that i’m young, i’m only 18, my cerebral cortex isn’t fully formed and functional yet (or whatever), that my whole life is indeed ahead of me and i have a great deal of growing left to do. i’m not arguing there. so you see, i can’t PROVE to you that erin is the love of my life, the girl i’ll be with forever, my soulmate, the one and only person i want to share my life with, the REASON i want to even have a life to share… you’re just going to have to trust me. how many of you reading this are married? think back to the moment, before you were engaged or had proposed, when you finally understood WHY two people would want to do such a thing as get married, and knew it could only be with him/her…
that’s what we have, Erin and I, and i don’t mean to brag, but she’s the best thing that any guy could ever hope for. she says the same thing to me, but i just kinda laugh and say “yeah whatever you say,” or if i’m feeling particularly good about myself i’ll say “well then, i’m glad i can give it all to you!” (yeah, go ahead and let out a huge, cheesy AWWWW now. i’ll wait.)
… needless to say, when we realized just what we had, we were… quite swept away. you know, when all the gaps in your life are filled, and it seems like all the problems are solved (p.s. they aren’t :P ), and you just want EVERYONE to know that she’s such a huge part of your life, and that you’re going to do everything you can to be a perfect part of her life… you really do seek a kind of validation from the people around you, even though it doesn’t necessarily count for much. it’s one of those odd kind of phenomena where life just seems incomplete without it. at least, it was that way with us.
you might have already guessed where all this rambling is leading. if not, then i’ll make it really obvious: ENTER ERIN’S PARENTS. her dad, especially, he’s an odd case. he decided, many years ago, that his kids would not “date” until they are 18. that’s well within his right as a parent, to not let her go out with me alone, even if it is completely un-called-for. i could really easily live with it, if that were all!
but you see, from the time erin and i started talking on the phone, he came down on her wanting to know if it was anything “romantic.” he took it to the point where, before she could ever think of sharing this huge new part of her life with her parents, he came out and said point blank, “you’re not allowed to have a relationship, not at all, not by any means, i will not allow it.”
?!?!?!?! - is about all i can say to that. i don’t understand why he couldn’t just take the time to GET TO KNOW HIS DAUGHTER… learn what kind of person she is, how mature she is, whether she’s really attached to someone or ANYTHING. he prejudged the whole situation, without trying to get to know me or us at all. in those vital few months of our relationship, he constantly bombarded her with little snipes like “it’s nothing but infatuation” and “you don’t know what love really is, you couldn’t possibly,” things like that.
ok, i’m sorry, but that last one merits a slap in the face. i’d invite you to talk to anyone that’s ever met erin - teachers, fellow students, cousins, ANYONE - and every single person will respect her for her depth and her strength of character, her genuine goodness and charm, etc. anyone who actually knows her would realize how ridiculous it is to say “you aren’t capable of truly loving someone” to her, and yet her dad was telling her this, just as our love was starting to unfold.
needless to say, this shattered her - many of the nights she stole her mom’s cell phone to call me were spent repairing the damage that she suffered during the day. an example? one night, as he was driving her home from babysitting, he sprung this: “I hope you realize that you’re breaking the Fourth Commandment. i’ve told you not to like this boy and you have no right to do so.”
i’m going to let that one speak for itself. now, what would you expect ANY human being to do in this situation? we snuck around, met at the mall and parties and anywhere we could get away with. she stole her mom’s cell phone every night to talk to me. thank God she did, because she was a wreck after her dad was done with her… and thank God she knows when to ignore it now, she even sticks up with them now when i’m being over-the-top venomous, but back then she didn’t understand why they were doing this.
neither did I really, the only explanation i could come up with was that they were self-centered and didn’t care about interfering with her life as long as it kept them comfortable. oh, not to mention messing with MY life.
you see, i’ve never really been anything to them, and that’s what brings me here tonight, begging you fine people for help. i don’t want to sound too selfish… i know that what Erin has to put up with is worse than what I have to put up with, but as I said, she’s in a much better place now, and i’m not.
let’s take it back, though, that first summer of our togetherness (i don’t really know what to call it :p ) I didn’t understand why her parents just shunned me outright, either, and i did my best to try to… idk, prove my worth to them, demonstrate that i’m a good thing for their daughter… BEG for acceptance… i don’t know why, as I’ve already said, but the utter lack of acceptance from them KILLS me.
i went over to her house a few times, once just to watch a movie and the other time to fix their computer. it seemed to go well, i talked to her dad and tried to be as nice as possible, tried to be as kind and courteous as possible… one time, they were praying their family Rosary and they even included me, it was awesome to feel like a part of the family. but then… about a month later, her dad decided that i wasn’t allowed over anymore, ever. he’d had a change of heart about letting us be near each other, i suppose… and he claimed to have never known that she liked me at the time, but that is quite simply a lie, i can guarantee that.
so, that leaves me… well, for one thing, enduring this is NOTHING if it means i get to be with the most wonderful girl in the world. don’t get me wrong - i’m not saying “this is just too much, idk if i can deal with it” because i know that i can, and i know that the alternative would be like breaking your jaw off because a tooth is aching.
it’s just… this bothers me, a lot, it’s like something that sits under my skin and never goes away. a lot of my idle time, like in the shower when my thoughts are wandering, go towards her dad… sometimes it’s just blind anger, but usually it’s all the things i’d like to say about how his positions don’t make any sense, how he’s hurting his daughter and it’s a crime that he doesn’t even try to get to know her. i channel a lot of this pain into indignation over the way she’s treated, and it works out well because i’m always there with a billion things to say when they treat her unfairly, and that makes her feel a little better, or at least a little more justified.
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hey, it’s my turn to lay my heart out on the table :D
p.s. there’s a short version at the bottom, if you’re lazy :p
this might be a long post, sorry, but i’ve seen you guys come through brilliantly for a lot of people in the past couple days (and i’ve TRIED to keep up with you :p ), and right now I feel like I could use that too. it’s just… i don’t really know how to write about this, to someone who’s not involved. my girlfriend is all wrapped up in it too, so she knows where i’m coming from… and i can talk to her about it just fine, but it still doesn’t seem to get better :(
but let’s just make this clear: i’m not here seeking any kind of replacement for her, in ANY capacity. her name is erin, and she’s olive skinned with luxurious dark hair and the kind of eyes that you could go swimming in for days on end. (i’m sure some of you will know what i mean ;) two years ago, we were just random friends who liked to chat now and again…
actually, i was coming out of a drug dependency when i first got to know her. it wasn’t, idk, REHAB bad, but it shook me up enough, i didn’t really know what to live for anymore. the friendship she gave me helped me back into the real world… and she didn’t even know it! :D (i’ve made sure that she knows it by now)
but even then, we were still just friends. we even used to talk about our respective crushes together… it’s REALLY weird, thinking back to when we used to plot out ways for her to get close to ANOTHER guy o.O we became closer and closer friends throughout that year (my junior year in high school, her sophmore), until we were each other’s best friends. the rest… mostly just fell into place ;)
it’s interesting to note that we were having late night phone conversations, and saying “i love you” while crying - you know that whole desperate routine - BEFORE we were “going out” or anything “more than just friends.” (of course we were more than just friends by then, but would WE admit it?! hell no, we were the last ones to face the truth :p )
alright now, listen: i’m well aware that i’m young, i’m only 18, my cerebral cortex isn’t fully formed and functional yet (or whatever), that my whole life is indeed ahead of me and i have a great deal of growing left to do. i’m not arguing there. so you see, i can’t PROVE to you that erin is the love of my life, the girl i’ll be with forever, my soulmate, the one and only person i want to share my life with, the REASON i want to even have a life to share… you’re just going to have to trust me. how many of you reading this are married? think back to the moment, before you were engaged or had proposed, when you finally understood WHY two people would want to do such a thing as get married, and knew it could only be with him/her…
that’s what we have, Erin and I, and i don’t mean to brag, but she’s the best thing that any guy could ever hope for. she says the same thing to me, but i just kinda laugh and say “yeah whatever you say,” or if i’m feeling particularly good about myself i’ll say “well then, i’m glad i can give it all to you!” (yeah, go ahead and let out a huge, cheesy AWWWW now. i’ll wait.)
… needless to say, when we realized just what we had, we were… quite swept away. you know, when all the gaps in your life are filled, and it seems like all the problems are solved (p.s. they aren’t :P ), and you just want EVERYONE to know that she’s such a huge part of your life, and that you’re going to do everything you can to be a perfect part of her life… you really do seek a kind of validation from the people around you, even though it doesn’t necessarily count for much. it’s one of those odd kind of phenomena where life just seems incomplete without it. at least, it was that way with us.
you might have already guessed where all this rambling is leading. if not, then i’ll make it really obvious: ENTER ERIN’S PARENTS. her dad, especially, he’s an odd case. he decided, many years ago, that his kids would not “date” until they are 18. that’s well within his right as a parent, to not let her go out with me alone, even if it is completely un-called-for. i could really easily live with it, if that were all!
but you see, from the time erin and i started talking on the phone, he came down on her wanting to know if it was anything “romantic.” he took it to the point where, before she could ever think of sharing this huge new part of her life with her parents, he came out and said point blank, “you’re not allowed to have a relationship, not at all, not by any means, i will not allow it.”
?!?!?!?! - is about all i can say to that. i don’t understand why he couldn’t just take the time to GET TO KNOW HIS DAUGHTER… learn what kind of person she is, how mature she is, whether she’s really attached to someone or ANYTHING. he prejudged the whole situation, without trying to get to know me or us at all. in those vital few months of our relationship, he constantly bombarded her with little snipes like “it’s nothing but infatuation” and “you don’t know what love really is, you couldn’t possibly,” things like that.
ok, i’m sorry, but that last one merits a slap in the face. i’d invite you to talk to anyone that’s ever met erin - teachers, fellow students, cousins, ANYONE - and every single person will respect her for her depth and her strength of character, her genuine goodness and charm, etc. anyone who actually knows her would realize how ridiculous it is to say “you aren’t capable of truly loving someone” to her, and yet her dad was telling her this, just as our love was starting to unfold.
needless to say, this shattered her - many of the nights she stole her mom’s cell phone to call me were spent repairing the damage that she suffered during the day. an example? one night, as he was driving her home from babysitting, he sprung this: “I hope you realize that you’re breaking the Fourth Commandment. i’ve told you not to like this boy and you have no right to do so.”
i’m going to let that one speak for itself. now, what would you expect ANY human being to do in this situation? we snuck around, met at the mall and parties and anywhere we could get away with. she stole her mom’s cell phone every night to talk to me. thank God she did, because she was a wreck after her dad was done with her… and thank God she knows when to ignore it now, she even sticks up with them now when i’m being over-the-top venomous, but back then she didn’t understand why they were doing this.
neither did I really, the only explanation i could come up with was that they were self-centered and didn’t care about interfering with her life as long as it kept them comfortable. oh, not to mention messing with MY life.
you see, i’ve never really been anything to them, and that’s what brings me here tonight, begging you fine people for help. i don’t want to sound too selfish… i know that what Erin has to put up with is worse than what I have to put up with, but as I said, she’s in a much better place now, and i’m not.
let’s take it back, though, that first summer of our togetherness (i don’t really know what to call it :p ) I didn’t understand why her parents just shunned me outright, either, and i did my best to try to… idk, prove my worth to them, demonstrate that i’m a good thing for their daughter… BEG for acceptance… i don’t know why, as I’ve already said, but the utter lack of acceptance from them KILLS me.
i went over to her house a few times, once just to watch a movie and the other time to fix their computer. it seemed to go well, i talked to her dad and tried to be as nice as possible, tried to be as kind and courteous as possible… one time, they were praying their family Rosary and they even included me, it was awesome to feel like a part of the family. but then… about a month later, her dad decided that i wasn’t allowed over anymore, ever. he’d had a change of heart about letting us be near each other, i suppose… and he claimed to have never known that she liked me at the time, but that is quite simply a lie, i can guarantee that.
so, that leaves me… well, for one thing, enduring this is NOTHING if it means i get to be with the most wonderful girl in the world. don’t get me wrong - i’m not saying “this is just too much, idk if i can deal with it” because i know that i can, and i know that the alternative would be like breaking your jaw off because a tooth is aching.
it’s just… this bothers me, a lot, it’s like something that sits under my skin and never goes away. a lot of my idle time, like in the shower when my thoughts are wandering, go towards her dad… sometimes it’s just blind anger, but usually it’s all the things i’d like to say about how his positions don’t make any sense, how he’s hurting his daughter and it’s a crime that he doesn’t even try to get to know her. i channel a lot of this pain into indignation over the way she’s treated, and it works out well because i’m always there with a billion things to say when they treat her unfairly, and that makes her feel a little better, or at least a little more justified.
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