Love help: My husband is depressed and I don’t know what to do. - Help.com

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I am depressed too…I also play xbox to keep my mind on something else. It DOES NOT just go away by itself. Just as I need to be proactive in my mental health, so does your husband. I have wasted 7 years while being depressed simply because I thought it would just go away and I would find or create something in my life that made me happy. Truth is…nothing changed and it only got worse. I know its easier said than done, but he and I need to make drastic changes in our lives.

I have never been to a doctor about it or been on eds, but if they make him feel better, maybe they serve as a good tool to help put him in a well enough mental state to bring about some change in his life. Now I can’t say what needs to change, but maybe you should both examine what it is in his life that is triggering his feelings of depression. Usually I say that EVERYTHING is going wrong in my life, but when I really think about it, I can pinpoint the one thing that I would change. As I can only speak as if it were me in the same situation, I would be glad that someone knew about my condition AND was willing to help me get through it. One of the reasons that I feel the way I do is due to overwhelmingly high expectations of myself from those around me.

I would love it if someone just came up to me and said, Listen…I know you are not happy and I know that you are not doing what you want with your life….Lets sit down and talk about what makes you happy and I will stick by your side no matter what…I love you and I am proud of you. That is just me though….
BEST OF LUCK!

well, number one…be patient!!! be very nice and loving when u talk to him,
tell him what u said up there…”u love him so very much, but u want him back to normal because it hurts u too see him like that, tell him u do not agree with him not taking his meds, but u love him, and if he decides to break depression then u will be able to deal with it, but tell him that u really REALLY would feel more comfortable around him if he went bak on his meds”

I tell him all the time that I love him. I tell him all the time that I am with him in this. He is not alone. We go through this together. He says that it’s in his head, it’s just him. I tell him that it effects me too because I love him.
He says he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. I do. I know what’s wrong. He has a chemical imbalance. He needs meds. He doesn’t want to be on them. I have to respect his decision. He says he can do this on his own. It’s not working.
I’m trying to be patient. I give him his space when he needs it. I hug him. I kiss him. I am doing everything I can think of.
Tonight I told him that I feel alone. That I know he’s going through a lot right now but I feel alone. I’m getting depressed. I don’t want to be. He’s in bed now. He’s fallen. I don’t know what to say anymore to pick him up. He says he thinking.

well , first i think it will be progressive if u share him his world , i mean u say he plays x box , share him that , whatever activity he does under the impression they will help him share them with him , he wants to fight this in his own way and i think it will be very useful if u let him recognize that he isnt alone in that fight , and along the way do ur best to convince him to go back to meds along with his methods . wishing u the best of luck

Ask him why he thinks he’s depressed and reply with his answer. It will make it a lot easier for me to give you advice.

Depression has a reason, even though it may seem unexplainable.

It would be better if you could understand what depression is, why it is provoked and how we can cure it.
You can visit my site: www.booksirecommend.com and read my articles about this matter.

I hope you’ll find them helpful!

There are support groups out there for you both. Partners of those fighting deppression often need help to cope. You feel like you lost your husband and in a way, you have lost him, be it for a while. Talking to others that are in similar situations might help you a lot, I know support groups can give you just that.
Ask your doctor for information how to find one near you, or try the internet.

You have a man who is using you as his crutch in life. You are his strenth, his backbone. You are there to pick up the pieces whenever he falls down, pat him on the head and kiss the boo boos away. But you are not his mom, your his wife and you need to be able to depend on him sometimes too. If you were to fall sick, would he be there for you, or would he be too “depressed” to do anything but mope? I think he needs to grow up and become a man, not a little boy.

Meds are bad because they make you feel sick and not like yourself (at least they did for me). Also, it takes 10 years for going to see a doc about depression to come off your record. It can affect getting insurance, getting a job in certain fields and even if you can do foster care!

There are herbal medications that I find better. First there is no medical record of a person having depression that way and secondly I find the side effects more mild and I find I feel more like myself, only happier. The best one is 5-HTP and also L-Tyrosine works for some people. Also, make sure he is getting enough vitamins, that can contribute to the problems (especially vitamin B).

What also helps for me is singing in church, singing worship songs, walking in nature, showers and hanging around with positive people (at times I make myself be social because I usually don’t want to but then I feel better afterwards).

Thank you all for your advice.
GraceConnie0: I agree with you. That’s one of the reasons for this post. But he’s not that far gone. When I’m sick he steps up. Takes the kids and makes sure I have everything I need. When one of the kids is sick, he’s right there taking care of everything. He said the kids and I are his only reason for living. So he’s always there for us.

I know why he’s down. He’s not working right now. It gets bad when he’s not working. He’s in construction. Things are really slow now. It’s hard to find any jobs. There are so many construction workers out of work here that they are looking to hire people for practically nothing. Most times it doesn’t even cover gas. Not worth it.

We had a talk last night. I gave him a sort-of pep talk. Told him that he said he wanted to do this without meds. That he could fight it. Then fight it. Do it. Don’t just say it. I told him that I know it’s not easy but if he’s so dead set on doing this without his meds then he has to try harder.
He said he gave up. I told him that I don’t believe it because if he gave up then he wouldn’t be here. I asked him how can he say he gave up and still look into his daughters’ eyes. They need him. They need him to not give up. I told him that he had these plans. He said it was just talk. He can’t do it. I told him that he didn’t even try.
We have so much stuff that needs to get done in our home. I told him to do them. The sense of accomplishment would help him. I know it would.
Seems to have done something. Today he is working on our kitchen floor. And was online looking for a job. Also, I created a resume for him. And we are going to send it out today to various places.

Hello. At this time I may have more questions than answers, such as, how old is he? Is he in Pain of any kind and other medical issues. I ask because I use to co- own a health food store and studied all kinds of thing like this.
My first piece of advice is to continue to support him. However it seems like there are missing peices of the puzzel.
Is he a smoker, heavey smoker for example? This effects things like melatonin and can make sleep dificult along with effecting other chemicals that cause depression

work with me and I will try and trouble shoot with you ok.. Dale

Hi Dale.
My husband is 34. He doesn’t smoke. He use to smoke (not ciggs). But gave that up months ago. I know that pot can cause depression. One of the many reasons he quit. He thought it was making him worse. He was probably right.
No constent pain. The occational headache. Other then that he’s pretty much healthy. He stopped drinking soda. Mostly iced tea now. And he doesn’t eat a lot of junk.

What would he say if you just asked him what it would take to make him feel better?

Thanks Anon. I already know all these things. I went with him to his doctor appointments. I tell him all the time that this is a medical condition. I tell him the same things that the doctor told him.
It’s not that I don’t know what to do to support him and so on. It’s just that it’s taking a toll on me. This has been going on for years. The last year has been the worsed. I am continuing being patient. That hasn’t changed.
It’s my mental health I’m worried about.
I need an escape. Right now it’s work. And that’s a real sucky escape.
Thanks everyone for your help.

Naska: he says he doesn’t know. He says there is nothing I can do. He doesn’t understand what he’s feeling. It’s very confusing.

Thanks. I’ll check it out.

My ex had the same problem, the same depression. It drove me down because everything was about him and how he needed all this help all the time. I finally gave up and went on with my life. It was the best descion I could’ve made, because since I’ve left him, everything has changed for the better for me and my kids. Him… last I heard he was doing the same thing to his new girlfriend, living off of her pity, having her follow him around because he feels sorry for himself all the time. I’m not saying your situation is the same as mine and you should do as I did. But I just think if he is a grown man he really needs you to step away from him a little and let him work out his problem on his own. Its no use you destorying your own happiness and that of your kids over trying to fix his problems all the time.

He’s been off for a while now. He has his days. It’s not as bad as it was at first. He’s back to work now so it helps a lot. Thanks for all the advice.

er - depression is not understandable to us from the outside, but it is very real. I know people that have been in depresiion for years and have come out, and from talking to them I know that I will never judge those in a depression. Most of them weren’t even thinking about themselves all the time, they were aware they were hurting their loved ones and that only made the depression bigger. You don’t have any control over your emotions when you are depressed and only limited control over your thoughts: the brain is very much influenced by emotional state and will not show you all the options clear to a healthy person.