friends help: My sister - Help.com

Leave her alone! She wants to be independent and has every right to do so. Why do you want so badly to provide for her?

Independence is a great thing. Most people don’t want to give this up.

I’m not trying to be rude, but it sounds like you are trying to control her.

Do you tell your sister that she need to change her life or that she is not doing what you want. Since you are older, sometimes that happens. My sister is older and me and trys to tell me what to do. I would do anything for my sister, but I want her to treat me like the adult that I am. So I do not visit her often.

i think your worried hunny,
but you should just bite your lip for now,
theres nothing wrong with worrying too much about a loved one,
just play cool, let her be, she will need you in the long run xx

I don’t really understand what the sister has done wrong with her life. Working hard to pay your own way is GREAT. We need more people like that in this world.

Unless you’ve left something out.

Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable coming to you without an invite. Or maybe she is just independent or maybe she feels she is annoying you if she calls or comes over. Or maybe she is just not a social person though she is trying to be.

I personally am not a typical woman. I hate long phone conversations so I avoid calling people. This has caused problems for me in the past because people think I am delibrately ignoring them. There have also been times when I have just been so depressed I don’t want to talk to anybody. And sometimes when I need someone, I feel like I will be bugging them if I call to talk to them. Especially those who have families.

Maybe you can just talk to her and tell her you would like these things and ask her what keeps her from doing thing. Maybe you can try to get to know her a little me and see wants to be your friend and not just your sister.

Maybe if you just tell her how you feel, she will open up about the situation. It might not have anything to do with you.

accept her freedom. allow her to do what she wants to do in life and then she’ll be more comfortable to be round ya.
i was told a story about a chinese man who owned a shop who kept a bird in a cage. a person asked him one day, “do you love this bird?” then chinese man answered “yes, of course I do”. the man asked, “then why don’t you set it free so he will be happier?”
just something to consider.

yes, it would make sense if shes a child. but she is an adult now. have u asked her if shes happy?

plus u have ur own children to love. their part of ur family. x

well, to be realistic, u can’t make her happy. happiness is something she has to give herself. providing her won’t make much difference. allowing her to make her own decisions and choices will help her decide for herself.
do u have a fear of letting this person go? because basing ur relationship on fear with her will not help. what is it ur are scared of? if u find urself the answer u will be doing urself a lot of favours.

well coming from a latin country, I can tell you that I understand what u are saying, many people advice to leave someone alone, but how u said, life is too short and sometimes don’t take advantage of what we have. what u try to do is very nice and I bet she does love you and care about you, but maybe she needs her own space …, and u can not be so close one day to the other, some things like that take time, giver her space and time, but always show her u are with her in the distance!! GOOD LUCK, and u will see everything would be just fine!! smiles :)

i will tell u the next part of the bird story. the man said, “if the bird really loved you, he would come back”

i was told a story about a chinese man who owned a shop who kept a bird in a cage. a person asked him one day, “do you love this bird?” then chinese man answered “yes, of course I do”. the man asked, “then why don’t you set it free so he will be happier? If the bird really loves you he would return and love you back”.

maybe your sister is still grieving??

Try to socialize with your sister, go out to the movies together, social event, Beach and break the wall that is between you guys. the best way is to start inviting her to your place, do things that you both might enjoy. Sometime people don’ like asking or borrowing because it makes them Dependant of the person they borrow from.
Good luck

ok, That is very good then, you just need to ask her directly, I am sure she you wouldn’t mine answering that, if you already do socialize.
have a good one.

I have a brother who is 13 yrs older than me and both of our parents are deceased and I just WISH that he would feel the way for me that you feel for your sister. He lives 3 and a half hours from me and has driven right past the area where I am located several times to visit our uncle but didn’t even try to contact me for a visit.

family was so important to me….I had a little sister, 17 months apart ,lost her 2 years ago aug. 27th to colon cancer,we were close, too close. I also recently apr. 23 lost my Mom and 2 months before my sis death my dad passed. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. Maybe she is afraid that you will try to mother her? Just be there for her, and let her know that she always has a home with you if she needs and set her free with love and give her lots and lots of hugs when you do see her, god know how mych I miss mine

I find I am much happier when I focus on what I can give, with little thought of return. Eventually, people do the same with me.

hey i understand ur pain. i too have sisters younger then me. 9 and 11 years. i have been like a sec mom to them thier hole life. they lived with me off and i for the last 11 years and i have done so much for them. this last time i helped my one sister out, letting her and her 2 kids move in. and now she id trying to sue me. so call her,do lunch, hang out at the movies the mall whatever but maybe she just dont want to live with u. and believe me just cause its been 3 weeks since she called u. dont mean she is not thinking about u and ur kids. life my just be to busy for her at the time. another thing maybe she needs that independace for her own self esteem and self worth. she may just need to prove to herself she can do it and how old is she she may like to party some and dont want to bring that to ur life with the kids. she may just be thinking more about u then u think! well god luck and may god be with u always.

Hey I have a younger brother who used to be the same, when my parents divorced he grew distant and started spending alot of time on his own….. he stopped talking to alot of the family and while evryone else pushed him to talk and open up i let him be… when i did see him i just talked with him about the stuff he is interested in and general everyday things and gradually his trust grew again for me and he opened up he now speaks to the whole family gain and is back to his normal self and will now admit that as my parents broke up he didnt feel like he could rely on or trust anyone anymore but slowly realised that it wasn’t like that… have u ever thought that maybe losing ur mum has made ur sister not want to stay to close to you or be in ur everyday life for fear of losing u too??

Offer to be in her every day life, see what you can do for her and maybe in return she’ll to the same. In my situation I am very independent and barely ever make it to my moms place just to visit because it feels awkward and there were some relationship issues, I don’t deal with family well and Like to be left alone, maybe she just enjoys her solitude, nothing against you.

my sister is the same way. My mother is alive but a serious drug addict. She’s beenthat way since I was 10. But I believe me and my sister’s relationship got mixed up when I had to playthe mother role. We were foster children and had not seen each other in years until we happen to park next to each other in a Target parking lot! My sister is always about what I can do for her. We do not speak often we gettogether ever 4 or 5 months but my family is disfunctional and unhealthy. I don’t hear from any of them unless they need something. I’ve gone over the line for my family several times. If you have the ability to do so deal with her on your terms. When see really needs your help she will come around. I wish my family would leave me the hell alone!

If she’s not getting into too much trouble, just leave her be. She’d be happier (I’m sure) if you’d let her be the godmother of your baby, though. That may bring your bond closer.

i have a younger sister, when my brother passed away 3 years ago she refused to talk to any of the family. She started selfharming and drinking alcohol at the age of 14. when i finally got through to her it turns out she was just scared of getting close to us incase we passed away and she got hurt again. My advice is to stick at it because she needs you more than she’ll admitt probably even more than she knows.
Its hard and fustrating and hurts like hell but when she finally opens up you will see that its been just the same for her.

hope it helps a little.

She possibly could be showing you her independence. She tells her freinds how much she loves and respects you and maybe in her own way this is how she may be seeking that same validation from you.

Instead of you being selfish and only focusing on what you are looking for from this relationship try turning the tables and give her what she may want from you . Not what you think she wants according to your own needs.

i think you need to respect her for who she is. maybe she is still dealing with the death of your mother, sorry. appreciate the time you do spend with her now and i bet when she is ready you will be begging her to give you space,lol.she will always be your little sister. i hope everything works out for you two

Well this post is pretty old so I don’t know if the situation still applies or if you’ll even see this. I would have to suggest putting yourself in her place. What were your thoughts and feelings like when you were 25? Time, age and maturity makes a huge difference in how you view/percieve the world. You are in two different places emotionally and most likely will be for a bit longer. She is young and single, you, on the other hand, are much older, married with children and have come to understand the importance of love, family and realtionships. Just give her some time to experience and live her youth. Be patient and just be there if she needs you. She’ll come around it’s just going to take some aging, life experience and maturity. Try and be patient.