My sister is 11 years younger than me, i try all i can to be close to her, she constantly disappoint me. my mom passed away two years ago ans she promise her she’ll spend more time with me. my husband and i just bought a 6 bedroom home, i have beg her to move in with us. when i was pregnant she promise she’ll be around more, my baby is 16 months aand she has yet even come spend a week-end with us. she is single, leaving in a building apt, working 2 jobs to pay her rent, but she refuse to show me her weakness.
I know we were not close growing up, because i went away for college and when i came back i felt like i wanted to get my own apt.
She tells all her friends how much she loves me and she respect me to the most, but she can not see herself ask me for help when needed. now i’m pregnant with my second child. she’s upset because my husband’s sister ask to be the god mother of my unborn.
My sister will call me every other month for a week straight every hour than i won’t hear from her for months. she only leave 10 minutes from me.
I ask my aunt and uncle what else can i do. i even give her the key to my house, she never use it.
All i want is o have her in my everyday life. because life is too short since we are the only two who know excatly what we lost our mother.
I don’t know what to do. if i call her she’ll drop everything and come to me. she’ll come on holidays, and when i have dinner party or if i just call her to come babyseat, but lately i try to see how long it will take if i don’t call her. i think she likes to be alone.
Please any suggestion.
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Leave her alone! She wants to be independent and has every right to do so. Why do you want so badly to provide for her?
Independence is a great thing. Most people don’t want to give this up.
I’m not trying to be rude, but it sounds like you are trying to control her.
Do you tell your sister that she need to change her life or that she is not doing what you want. Since you are older, sometimes that happens. My sister is older and me and trys to tell me what to do. I would do anything for my sister, but I want her to treat me like the adult that I am. So I do not visit her often.
i think your worried hunny,
but you should just bite your lip for now,
theres nothing wrong with worrying too much about a loved one,
just play cool, let her be, she will need you in the long run xx
I don’t really understand what the sister has done wrong with her life. Working hard to pay your own way is GREAT. We need more people like that in this world.
Unless you’ve left something out.
Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable coming to you without an invite. Or maybe she is just independent or maybe she feels she is annoying you if she calls or comes over. Or maybe she is just not a social person though she is trying to be.
I personally am not a typical woman. I hate long phone conversations so I avoid calling people. This has caused problems for me in the past because people think I am delibrately ignoring them. There have also been times when I have just been so depressed I don’t want to talk to anybody. And sometimes when I need someone, I feel like I will be bugging them if I call to talk to them. Especially those who have families.
Maybe you can just talk to her and tell her you would like these things and ask her what keeps her from doing thing. Maybe you can try to get to know her a little me and see wants to be your friend and not just your sister.
Maybe if you just tell her how you feel, she will open up about the situation. It might not have anything to do with you.
Cady: no i am not trying to control her, she knows all i want is for her to know i’m there for her nomatter what. we have no other family but each other. no i left nothing out. i just want her to finish school so she can have a better job, she’s only 25 years old with no kids, but she’ working 2 jobs with no health insurance, she does not have to. i want her to have a better job.
Gingerfrag: i do treat her like an adult and she knows i’m all about fun, we had a lot of fun when she comes over with her friends, they even tell her they wish i was their sister.
Xamieex: thanks my aunts and uncle tell me the same thing, but i just can not help it sometimes it bothers me.
Yes yes everytime she calls i tell her how much she means to me and i hope one day she realize it before it’s too late.
accept her freedom. allow her to do what she wants to do in life and then she’ll be more comfortable to be round ya.
i was told a story about a chinese man who owned a shop who kept a bird in a cage. a person asked him one day, “do you love this bird?” then chinese man answered “yes, of course I do”. the man asked, “then why don’t you set it free so he will be happier?”
just something to consider.
It’s hard, to let your go but i’ll try to let her be. it’s like asking a mother not to worry when i’s after a reasonable time and your child hasn’t come home. you just can’t help it but start staring at the window, checking up the phone ect…
But i know i have to let her be.
yes, it would make sense if shes a child. but she is an adult now. have u asked her if shes happy?
plus u have ur own children to love. their part of ur family. x
I have ask her and she said no, that’s why i wanted her to come live with me, or call me so i can know how she’s doing. she does not have a home phone and her cell phone always get disconnected for non-payment.
I know my kids are my world but i want her to be part of it also.
well, to be realistic, u can’t make her happy. happiness is something she has to give herself. providing her won’t make much difference. allowing her to make her own decisions and choices will help her decide for herself.
do u have a fear of letting this person go? because basing ur relationship on fear with her will not help. what is it ur are scared of? if u find urself the answer u will be doing urself a lot of favours.
Do u have a fear of letting this person go?
She’s my sister, my only blood relative i have.
What is it ur are scared of?
I’m afraid she’ll work her youth away, and would not have a chance to enjoy life, she’s too young to be stress, when i was her age i did not have to worry about any of them. i did not become an adult until i was 33. i enjoy my youth, i travel the world after i graduate from college. i want her to complete her education so she can enjoy life.
i know sarah. thank you all
well coming from a latin country, I can tell you that I understand what u are saying, many people advice to leave someone alone, but how u said, life is too short and sometimes don’t take advantage of what we have. what u try to do is very nice and I bet she does love you and care about you, but maybe she needs her own space …, and u can not be so close one day to the other, some things like that take time, giver her space and time, but always show her u are with her in the distance!! GOOD LUCK, and u will see everything would be just fine!! smiles :)
i will tell u the next part of the bird story. the man said, “if the bird really loved you, he would come back”
i was told a story about a chinese man who owned a shop who kept a bird in a cage. a person asked him one day, “do you love this bird?” then chinese man answered “yes, of course I do”. the man asked, “then why don’t you set it free so he will be happier? If the bird really loves you he would return and love you back”.
maybe your sister is still grieving??
Try to socialize with your sister, go out to the movies together, social event, Beach and break the wall that is between you guys. the best way is to start inviting her to your place, do things that you both might enjoy. Sometime people don’ like asking or borrowing because it makes them Dependant of the person they borrow from.
yypezn did you read my post before you try to suggest any of these things, we do socialize when she comes around. SHe does have keys to my home, she’ll come for a while then I will spend 3 weeks to 1 month without hearing or see her. that’s why i’m worried and want her to live with me.
ok, That is very good then, you just need to ask her directly, I am sure she you wouldn’t mine answering that, if you already do socialize.
have a good one.
I have a brother who is 13 yrs older than me and both of our parents are deceased and I just WISH that he would feel the way for me that you feel for your sister. He lives 3 and a half hours from me and has driven right past the area where I am located several times to visit our uncle but didn’t even try to contact me for a visit.
family was so important to me….I had a little sister, 17 months apart ,lost her 2 years ago aug. 27th to colon cancer,we were close, too close. I also recently apr. 23 lost my Mom and 2 months before my sis death my dad passed. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. Maybe she is afraid that you will try to mother her? Just be there for her, and let her know that she always has a home with you if she needs and set her free with love and give her lots and lots of hugs when you do see her, god know how mych I miss mine
I find I am much happier when I focus on what I can give, with little thought of return. Eventually, people do the same with me.
hey i understand ur pain. i too have sisters younger then me. 9 and 11 years. i have been like a sec mom to them thier hole life. they lived with me off and i for the last 11 years and i have done so much for them. this last time i helped my one sister out, letting her and her 2 kids move in. and now she id trying to sue me. so call her,do lunch, hang out at the movies the mall whatever but maybe she just dont want to live with u. and believe me just cause its been 3 weeks since she called u. dont mean she is not thinking about u and ur kids. life my just be to busy for her at the time. another thing maybe she needs that independace for her own self esteem and self worth. she may just need to prove to herself she can do it and how old is she she may like to party some and dont want to bring that to ur life with the kids. she may just be thinking more about u then u think! well god luck and may god be with u always.
it sounds like she dont want to be weak in your eyes seem that your like her mom. she wants to make you proud by doing it by her self.she might be a little busy to call after all she is working two jobs ,trying to fit her friends in there to ,and find time for her self,and you.so i wouldnt give her such a hard time if every now and then it slips her mind to call.for when she gets a chance it sounds like shes all on top of it. try to turn to your friends for a couple of days.then ask her if she has time in between jobs to go get something to eat and talk about some old times and new times just good times
Hey I have a younger brother who used to be the same, when my parents divorced he grew distant and started spending alot of time on his own….. he stopped talking to alot of the family and while evryone else pushed him to talk and open up i let him be… when i did see him i just talked with him about the stuff he is interested in and general everyday things and gradually his trust grew again for me and he opened up he now speaks to the whole family gain and is back to his normal self and will now admit that as my parents broke up he didnt feel like he could rely on or trust anyone anymore but slowly realised that it wasn’t like that… have u ever thought that maybe losing ur mum has made ur sister not want to stay to close to you or be in ur everyday life for fear of losing u too??
Really sounds like she wants independence, its hard when you want to protect them for getting hurt, but sometimes being a sister is just offering support and that tissue and a safe place to talk about things when needed without judgement.
Offer to be in her every day life, see what you can do for her and maybe in return she’ll to the same. In my situation I am very independent and barely ever make it to my moms place just to visit because it feels awkward and there were some relationship issues, I don’t deal with family well and Like to be left alone, maybe she just enjoys her solitude, nothing against you.
there is a small advice (be her friend more then her sis)
maybe somethings wrong with your sister did u evr consider askin her wat the problem is her mom died maybe she needs a friend maybe shes scared inside to tell wat on her mind maybe she cant trust nobody i kn ow how you feel my lilttle cuhzetn mom died and she was only 8 years old now she is 10 she sometimes feels lonely and she always thinks about her mom when she looks at her moms picture she crys but im the only one who can help her im the only thing closer to her but maybe if you take her somewhere that she thinks is exciting but if u wanna write me back feel free
my sister is the same way. My mother is alive but a serious drug addict. She’s beenthat way since I was 10. But I believe me and my sister’s relationship got mixed up when I had to playthe mother role. We were foster children and had not seen each other in years until we happen to park next to each other in a Target parking lot! My sister is always about what I can do for her. We do not speak often we gettogether ever 4 or 5 months but my family is disfunctional and unhealthy. I don’t hear from any of them unless they need something. I’ve gone over the line for my family several times. If you have the ability to do so deal with her on your terms. When see really needs your help she will come around. I wish my family would leave me the hell alone!
If she’s not getting into too much trouble, just leave her be. She’d be happier (I’m sure) if you’d let her be the godmother of your baby, though. That may bring your bond closer.
i have a younger sister, when my brother passed away 3 years ago she refused to talk to any of the family. She started selfharming and drinking alcohol at the age of 14. when i finally got through to her it turns out she was just scared of getting close to us incase we passed away and she got hurt again. My advice is to stick at it because she needs you more than she’ll admitt probably even more than she knows.
Its hard and fustrating and hurts like hell but when she finally opens up you will see that its been just the same for her.
hope it helps a little.
She possibly could be showing you her independence. She tells her freinds how much she loves and respects you and maybe in her own way this is how she may be seeking that same validation from you.
Instead of you being selfish and only focusing on what you are looking for from this relationship try turning the tables and give her what she may want from you . Not what you think she wants according to your own needs.
i think you need to respect her for who she is. maybe she is still dealing with the death of your mother, sorry. appreciate the time you do spend with her now and i bet when she is ready you will be begging her to give you space,lol.she will always be your little sister. i hope everything works out for you two
Well this post is pretty old so I don’t know if the situation still applies or if you’ll even see this. I would have to suggest putting yourself in her place. What were your thoughts and feelings like when you were 25? Time, age and maturity makes a huge difference in how you view/percieve the world. You are in two different places emotionally and most likely will be for a bit longer. She is young and single, you, on the other hand, are much older, married with children and have come to understand the importance of love, family and realtionships. Just give her some time to experience and live her youth. Be patient and just be there if she needs you. She’ll come around it’s just going to take some aging, life experience and maturity. Try and be patient.
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