He is writing love letters From Jail
He is writing me love letters now since he almost beat me to death and i dont know what to do i did love him he claims he will give up drinking going out with his boys and devote himself only to me i dont know what to do because i love him and i know what he did was wrong but this is so hard…please help
Since writing this post undrumbrellaella may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. undrumbrellaella is a verified member, has been around for 6 years, 3 months and has 8 posts and 71 replies to their name.
Post Tags (10)
WOOOAH!!! not good! HES LIEING! he wont change hunny! hes telling you what you want to hear!
burn them letters babe!! after what he did to you?? he isnt worth a light!
let it go! move on hunny.. your stronger than that dont let him drang you in the same terrible situations again!!
do it for your own sake! your safty is important..
it sounds to me like he wants to play games with you! because hes bored in the place he belongs! xx :)
dont listen to him! hes just gonna do what he did before! i agree, burn the letters, forget about him! youre too good for that!
well i talked to his sister and she said he really does love you everytime i go to see him he says he loves you and always asks if she has talked to me and everything..and when she says no she cries….and then she said but i can understand where you are comming from
i dnt mean to sound so harsh!
but after what he put you through.. HE IS 100% NOT NEEDED!!!
he has nothing else better to do then to play with your emotions! IGNOR HIM!
better to be safe than sorry.. would you really go back to sum1 who beats you up? xx
i mean look at you>>>>> your so pretty! :)
you could get any1 you wanted!!
why mope around over sum1 who beats you?
your too good for that CRAP!!! enjoy your life babe!
i admit it will hurt.. but would you rather it hurt forever or hurt for a little while?
no but its hard when you actually did love him…and this happens but i mean he beat his x wife up….so its true…i would rather hurt for a little while and move on your right im just like reading his letters and i miss what we had before it happen well the good times i mean not the bad ones
ill let you in on secret! sshhhh, but.. I MISS MY EX TOO! but only the good things!
its always the good things you think of!
you just have to keep reminding yourself of the bad.. it makes you stronger babe!
you honestly dont need his kinda behaviour!
sum1 special wants to take care of you 4eva.. you just havnt found him yet! xx :)
yes i guess i should keep looking and not dwell on the past….college is comming and i love my roommate so im sure i will meet a guy…i noticed today that there are nice guys i had a conversation with a boy my age in starbucks about college and he was really cute and talking to me about his life and we talked for like 20 minutes he shook my hand and he was really nice and i never had a nice boy so i guess thats something to look forward to!!!~ His name was russ…..Ok well i see what your saying i will always miss the good things until i make something new with someone else who is new…i really miss his sister she was like my best friend
well, we dont know if he’s lying, and what not. this has nothing to do with his current jail situation; usually if your boyfriend beats you to near-death, that is a DEALBREAKER for most people. Right? FOr instance, suppose your boyfriend truly found God, or became Gandhi-super-peaceful-guy, etc…. This would have no effect on the rule “I don’t give my heart to a man who physically beat me”.
I agree with Amie, he’s so not worth it, and i promise you will find someone so much better. Even if it takes a while, it makes you stronger and u’ll get there. Plus why chance getting beaten again?
thanks guyss the support helps….i dont know if he would ever find god he hit his pregnant wife 2 years ago in the stomach
:oO definately not a keeper that guy. He sounds like a crazy man, jail is the right place for him. Plus could u really wait all those yrs til he is out just to be with someone that hits you?
how old are you? if u dont mind me asking…
Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT fall for that. He is a piece of crap. I don’t know him, I don’t care to know him. But I know he’s an *** and you deserve WAY better than that. He’s taking advantage of the words “I love you” and it’s just plain wrong. There are so many amazing men in this world, you don’t need to waste your time with someone who’ll treat you like that and expect for it to all be forgiven when he says he’s sorry. NO.
Sorry for being harsh. But it’s true.
you look younger, but your pretty and young and hes being horrible
No i know its true i think i just need to hear that its just so hard in my situation because i truly truly cared for him and he just turned on me slowly but then it was all so quick down hill and i couldnt get out of the situation with him because he wouldnt let me………………Yeah i know i get told i look like im 12 but im 18 but i was 17 when this happend i turned 18 like 11 days after this happend
you dont look 12, 16 at the least. Dw, i look about 12 and im actually 18, 19 in sept
yeah…i always have looked younger
The cool thing about life… regardless of what happens, you always learn something new. I’m sure you learned a lot from this guy- heck, you seem to have experienced a lot! You gained something from him no matter what. Now it’s time to take that knowledge and apply it elsewhere. I’m sure it’s hard. We’re here for you!
You’re not going to want to hear this but they’re right. He’s just telling you what you want to hear. He can’t change. I had to run away because I believed it when my guy said he’d change and now I dont have a home. It’s hard because you care about him so much, I know. You’ll probably always care about him but you need to care more about yourself right now. I care about you honey, and i dont want you to get hurt.
let me ask you a question. suppose, by a miracle of God and what-not, that he could demonstrate that the probability of him ever beating you again would be 0%. Would this make a difference in your judgment or opinion? My earlier response is to say how this shouldn’t make a difference, because its a once-only kind of transgression on the sanctity of love. I.e. if i shatter a glass, i may vow to never shatter glass again, but the glass is broken and unfixable.
I understand luvreddo and im sorry about your situation and thank you for caring i figured that he was lieing about it and just trying to get out but he has been in jail 2 months because of me and he has been endited into superior court…so im sure thats it…just his sister who used to be my best friend said he truly does love me and i dont know what to do…plus she says she understands where i am comming from….The thing that really got me was he siad i know if you truly love me you will come back to me maybe not now or two weeks from now or 1 year from now but i know you will come back to me. You are my love my 3rd my last one…because a spanish thing is your 3rd love is your last and only…and he was my third….and i was his…he told me he would give up drinking hanging out with the boys and be devoted to me he wants to mary me have a child with me and love me and only me for his entire life….so it really gets to me cause i cared so much about him
yeah i know that there was no way for that and i wouldnt be comfortable with him ever again so i guess no but it just hurts and brings me to tears because i did truly love and care for him
Honey, cut off all contact with him and anyone he uses to play messenger. File a report with the police precinct nearest to you, maybe they can have the prison intercept any letter he sends to your address. If he contacts you again, go back to the police. An alcoholic who says he’s dedicating his life to you isn’t on the path of recovery, he’s trying to manipulate you. Sorry, hun, he didn’t really love you, and all those good times where just what abusers and addicts to until they get you in an inescapable situation.
He has to find his own way through without you.
His sister is just his patsy in this. Set a limit with her, too, at least, that she is not to talk to you about her brother or pass messages. It’s total BS, even thought she may feel sincere. Her brother cannot “truly” love anyone at this point.
i figured that….i have a restraining order and the letters go to my lawyer who brings them to court
Ok, good. You’re playing it smart, and doing the right things. I’m very glad you got justice and protection for what happened. A lot of people don’t, and when they really want to, it’s often too late.
say good by, aufwiedersen sayonahra,arrivedercee tell him nothing dont write to him…
It’s really hard to give up on somebody you loved. But it seems you manage to do the very right thing now. You are not doing this only for yourself, but also for unknown people in his future. That man is sick and should get treatment. You can’t give him that. The “system” will probaby not give it to him. But it will almost certainly destroy you if you don’t turn your back to him completely.
RUN! RUN RUN!!!!
Even his own sister understands, she loves her brother but obviously doesn’t agree with what he’s done. People don’t change over night and you seem very vulnerable to his possibly manipulative ways. Having to live in fear of him drinking or hitting you again, is no way to live.
When I was younger it took me two incidents with a physically abusive boyfriend before I realized that he probably won’t ever change. He ran into my younger brother a year ago, and almost got the snot beat out of him—(calling your ex girlfriend names to her baby brothers face, dumb, doing it when he’s a foot taller than you and a boxer—really dumb) anyhow I heard he really got worse and not better, so seriously better not dealing with that sort of situation.
dimball : but he beat her to near death. what would her mother say? what would her best friend say?
Stay away from him, ignore the letters, and don’t write back. You don’t need him.
Send the letters back…no one lives there by your name. It’s hard, it hurts, but it’s healthier for YOU!
dumbballs, that was a nasty piece of advice, dangerous but not helpful! At least not for the one who was asking for help. If you want to help her ex, go and pay for his lawyer!
do you write music we are looking for a lyric writier???
I am sure that he is a great person but, If he has hit you once, he will do it again.
I know this is hard because you LOVE him but,Let me tell you…. all things happen for a reason. This is only life telling you that he is not the one for you.
Before love comes respect and by him hitting you he is showing you that he does’nt respect you.
Remember, Actions speak louder than words and, he has spoken loud enough.
It is going to be hard but, You look young. I know you will find some one better.
Don’t look for a prince charming that will treat you like cinderella, look for a peasant who will treat you like a queen.
It’s very natural to miss him. Thats the funny thing about love, it doesn’t just instantly go away the second that they hurt you or do something awful. That is why you must be strong against your natural feeling that you are feeling, for your own self preservation. Because he will do it again, he can’t help it, its in his nature. He has a pattern for doing it already. And if he got out tomorrow, he would be sweet as pie to you for a while until he got you hooked. He knows how to turn that charm on. Then he will destory you again.
Again I remind you about the fact that kicking somebody in her/his head is nothing but an attempted murder.
OMG! Kicked in the head?
Yes, that was part of the beating of her. I think that should close all possibilities for a further relation.
Yea i was kicked twice in the head and once in the mouth i dont have a frenulem ( spelling? )…i have scar tissue that makes my smile disorientated….everything is just so confusing and i got another letter and its all about god and that gods will will bring me back to him and that my hand is a heavy burden over him day after day and that he knows me and my heart wont allow me to shut him out and he will always be here waiting for me….blah blah blah i love you blah blah blah
But you have to train on not being influenced by his arguments. I think they do influence you.
I noticed something you wrote: “…but he has been in jail 2 months because of me…”
No, not at all! He isn’t in jail BECAUSE of you! He is in jail because he could not behave and because he almost killed somebody. That happened to be you, but it is not because of you. Those words are his, and possibly his sister’s.
So, please try to not be manipulated, by him, his sister/friends or by your own thoughts. You have to step back to have a clear and objective overview of the situation.
Also his promises to give up drinking is no solution. That is many abusers’ rationale, but the drinking does not create a bad person. Drinking only lessens his ability to hide what person he really is, behind a facade.
Oh hell. He’s clinically delusional.
Yea i was kicked twice in the head and once in the mouth i dont have a frenulem ( spelling? )â€¦i have scar tissue that makes my smile disorientated
okay.. this is horrible. Really, the question is no longer “What should I do?” but more importantly “Why am I continually wanting to make this bad choice and what, if anything, could be wrong with MY own decision making?” We have told you he is a horrible person, but you dont really want to believe this. There is something really off in your decision making, that you would still consider him, and he probably knows this too and knows he can use that to his advantage.
We need to focus on you now. He is terrible. Now we have to figure out why you want to continually be with a terrible person. And find out if there is something else that is a cause.
being in love with a bad man is like being addictided to drugs. You know its bad for you, you know exactly what will happen if you fall back into the trap, but… there are still withdrawl symtoms. The emotion of love is a powerful drug, and when the one you love begs forgivness and swears to change, your head can say no, but your heart can say yes. But you will change your life soon. You will go on, and someday he will just be a faded memory. But for now, do not answer his letters. Don’t talk to his sister. You are too weak right now, your heart too vunerable. If you do… he’ll persuade you to visit him. And then bring him packages. And then write him letters and he’ll swear he’ll turn to god and be a better person. And then you’ll wait for him like a fool and let him destory your life. You won’t go to college, your family will look at you in discust and turn away from you. So strenghthen your will. If you do it today and live through the pains of love withdrawl, tomarrow will be easier. And so will the next day. Just focas on getting ready for college, and stay connected with the people that love you.
hunnie dont believe that **** my boyfriend josh wrote me the whole time in jail sayin how much he loved me then when he got out he didnt even call me but now thatb he went back to jail 12 days ago he wrote me again hunnie they will never change and believe me i kno its hard for someone to tell you that about the one you love but ive been through it
I recommend that you don’t even read his letters. Even better, maybe make it so he can’t send you letters. Reading them will make you feel guilty, miss him, and you will never be able to move on. Of course you want to believe he will change. But the odds are sooooo slim that he will. They ALWAYS act like that when they are in jail, because they are at their lowest. But once he gets out he eventually will go back to the same old ways…he is 27, so he should have learned some lessons by now. Once you let yourself get over him you will find someone who treats you right and look back and realize you deserve so much better. Are you at UMaine yet and how do u like it?
hello, it’s been one year since my tribulation with my ex. he was in jail for 11 months total of our 2 year relationship. he was very abusive… which i didn’t realize until after the fact, it took me 6 months to feel safe with people, to talk to a new person even just as a friend and my son is now very fearful of a loud voice because of him. he constantly said he would get better after this time in jail, 2 months would go by after he came home and he would be hurting me and taking all my money and going out then would land himself back in jail for another 3 months, etc… when all was said and done he had me wholed up in my house for three days, w/o my son w/o a phone and with a lot of illeagal things i did not even know that he had until the police found it after they came to get me out of there.
so take my advice. it takes a whole lot of growing up for someone to change, b/c they have to change themselves… as clique as that sounds it’s the truth. so don’t end up a statistic! just don’t even bother with him.
Look i know that you get alot of responds to this but you have to look at the facts and what you know about him, and if it is worth putting yourself at risk. I have been writing my ex for a few years now and i knew him before and i thought things would change but baby, jail only changes them for the time they are in there, don’t think that being in there is going to change him, unless he wants to change himself, if he has promised before to change and hasn’t then he isn’t going to change now, that is just the facts of life, unfortunately. And you love him, but does he love you enough to never put his hands on you again? No one can answer this but you because no one else was there but babygirl be strong and make a decision with your heart because that is the only thing that can make this decision. And for future advice, don’t take everything written or said behind bars to heart, it my be true for the time being but sometimes the heart changes upon release so be strong and trust yourself and your heart, you will know what to do.
sorry,I just found this site when i was looking for advice on basically the same topic except for the fact that i am a 38 year old pregnant woman and not 18.My boyfriend is 44 and sends me letters from jail and wow all of them are filled with hatred towards me and only a couple of sentences where he is trying to be nice.He has been in jail for 2 months also and is an alcoholic and very abusive is every sense of that word when he is drinking.He is trying to make me feel scared and guilty for putting him in jail but what kind of guy hits a woman especially one who is 2 months from being due.When he is drunk he calls my unborn child names and has even threatened to cut my heart out and cut the baby out of me if i ever leave him.
hey girls when a guy goes to jail he will turn to however was there for him becz he knows when he uses the “I LOVE U” and forgive me for everything ive put u through its all based on lies, he is only doing that because u must have ran after him and treat him good even though he probably cheated on u, u were the first person he would of ran to because u must of used the lines ” ILL BE THERE FOR U” plz move on with ur life i went threw it before and as soon as he told me i love u i need u ill drop the world for u and do everything u want i knew it would never happen just stay away ull find someone that will love u all the time and someone that will never let u down, and someone that will never put HIMSELF IN THAT POSITION TO END UP WHERE HE IS…. youll find that person Just give it time.. and ull have the person uve always dreamd to have..
i had a exboyfriend in jail who was writting me love letters saying he loves and wants to be with at first i didnt care i was being strong so i wouldnt get hurt again but his mom was like he loves and really wants you to forgive him.and blah blah so i gave in and he made me all these promise’s but once he got out everything changed it was all jail talk so be careful what yours might be telling could just as fake………..
live while you can while he is there live your life do the things you want your not in jail and you are free. the one thing you can never get back is your time and it is a uglyfeeing to know your time was wasted on not taking in consideration i do not know of too many happy endings but, it is up to you you know what you want in life and love is not a one time thing in life there is love that does not hurt or is painful or hits you out hthere good men walking this earth and girl you have to love yourslef 1st to pull love like that so use this time wisely and make a move to love you 1st!!!!
hey i kno wat ur goin thru my mom went thru the same thing for 17 years she put up wit his b.s wit him beetin her and them alwayz fighting . my mom sed the same thing that she loves him and that hes her babys dad but she finally moved on after all the stress of her having to call the cops on him and having me and my 2 sisters watch them fight all the time .now its just my sisters and my mom in the house and its so much better shes not stressed anymore and she dosnt have to worrie about him geting loaded every night and starting strupid fights wit her.
my fiancee is in jail too… i chose to stay with him…i no how yu feel girl… my man never put his hands on me but is in there for burglary…my advice to yu wld be to stay for a few monthes while he is in jail… dnt talk to him write him letters or go visit him…when he gets out see if he starts drinking if he does yu no the truth that he aint worth wasting your time on…if he can go without the alcohol and laying his hands on yu then he has proven that he does really care for yu…
girl he lost the chance to love you the firstt time he layed hands on you. 3 you deserve better. And even if you love him, you should let it go and move on.Give it time and you will(:
I know what you are going through. I am going through it myself. Except, he is my husband. I am so exhausted from the courts,lawyers,letters,phone calls, money, and my life is simply,LONELY. I would rather take a chance at him beating me again, than be alone for the rest of my life. My heart will not allow me to love another. My death will be the will of God, and not in vain. I accept my fate and call it destiny.
i am sitting here waiting on my mans third stint in he lied everytime about stop drinkn no drugs get rid of his friends blah blah blah im 33 been doing this **** 4 6 years run far and run fast he is undoubtedly writing as many females he can telling thwm he loves them and getting as much money out of each one as possible has he become an artist since his incarceration? thats because hes trading **** with people who can draw just trying to convince you he has a skill and puts all his time into you
;Yes, when a man puts his hands on you its time to get out of that situation. Nothing will come out of it. Love yourself first allways!
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.