Since writing this post tank71 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. tank71 is not a verified member, has been around for 6 years, 3 months and has 1 posts and 0 replies to their name.
Just don’t waste any more time.. go talk to him.. the words will come… Explain you love him and want to make up for lost time.
Make sure you tell him that just because you havent been around that dosnt mean you havent thought of him constantly , also let him know you love him . Tell him you know he probably has questions and answer them for him as truthfully as possible . Take your time and be patient he may not warm up right away .Tell him you may not of been around but your here now and let him know your not going anywhere. When hes ready to accept you , you will be there waiting with open arms. Good luck!!!
An Undisclosed Location | 6 years, 3 months ago (3 hours, 5 minutes after post)
with all due respect to the first replier… you CANNOT make up for lost time. The past is past, and RIGHT NOW is all you have. What to say… how to respond… the truth. At 15 your son is prepared to hear the truth, and you have to be man enough to say it.
Rich is right, lost time can’t be made up for, but he CAN spend the future making new memories for his son to cherish with him.
How about you give the person your opinion and refrain from bashing other peoples advice. Make up for lost time in the sense that he won’t waste any more time.. don’t take things so literally… this is not about whether you agree with me.. it’s about offering help to the person seeking it …
it’s about offering help to the person seeking it …
Which is exactly what Rich and I did as well.
And your advice was not ‘bashed.’
An Undisclosed Location | 6 years, 3 months ago (13 hours, 6 minutes after post)
I apologize if I offended your gentle sensibilities Mr. Latin, I did preface my reply to the poster (tank71) with, “all due respect”. Which means exactly what it says (so yes, you may take it literally) in that I offer you (Mr. Latin) all the respect of your opinion and your reply, even though I disagreed with it obviously. My reply continued in the offering of help in the form of my own opinion; again directly to the poster.
In an environment such as this, where there is no facial expression, there is no tone of voice, or body language… when all there is, is WORDS, it is quite easy to take them literally; for there is nothing to indicate a “reading between the lines” (unless you use some sort of emoticon :) Again with all due respect I will continue to read literally, because this is a help site, and I would think people would be asking for help in a very literal fashion… and not make those willing to help decode thier message. The same would be true of those that reply. I would hope they would not expect the Poster… those seeking help, to be required to read between the lines to decode the help offered.
In terms of “bashing”, all the posts in this thread were addressed directly to the poster, until YOUR reply accusing me of bashing. I will again apologize for offending you, and with all due respect, I believe you are the proverbial “pot calling the kettle black”.
In other words, get off my a$$ (you can take that literally too)
Be yourself. Be patient, be honest. Give your time to him. Ask him what he would like to do … give him some control in it. Dont expect him to be there with open arms and ready to build a daddy/son relationship. Be consistent. Be a man of your word. Trust will need to be built over time. He is a young man learning to be independant, it is a strange time to attempt to build a relationship with an authority figure. (see the contradiction?)
patience and love … consistency … let it grow over YEARS. You are the adult, don’t act like a child. Understand that his life task at this age is to seperate from his parents - not bond with them … let him know you are there now and BE there.
Good luck and I am so happy for the both of you. May God be in your reunion.
My husband and I met 7 years ago. He has 2 children and I have 3. The deal was if our kids did not like him or me or each other kids we would not pursue a relationship.
His ex wife has custody of his children. She was having another mans baby before the divorce was even final and wanted to move to his home state. My husband let her taking his children with her. They set a parenting plan up threw the courts and she never followed it, it has now been 6 years since he has seen or spoken to his only two children (they were 4 and 6 now they are 10 and 12) the ex has moved to 5 different state one of them being Alaska and when he finds her she says they do not want to speak to him and she hangs up then she changes her number and or moves again. My husband has tracked her down and he has called, this time he told her he has hired an attorney because she is in such gross violation of the court order they BOTH AGREED TO and he is filing for custody. So this time she has allowed him one phone call per week. My husband is trying so hard to reconnect with his son and daughter that he loves so verrrrrrrry much but it seems every thing he is trying fails. His children blame him for not being in their lives for the past 6 years and they blame me and my kids as well. They have “adopted” their step father as their Dad and they and their mom tell my poor husband he is not their dad. His children don’t know it but we have a big house and they each have their own rooms here. We update them every few years with age appropriate things for them but my husband can’t get them to speak to him long enough to tell them that. I am hoping someone will have a better idea that I have been able to come up with as a way to help these children realize that we have missed them every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every year. We did not want them to go away and we all love them so verrrrrry much but we have no clue as to how to get 2 kids that do not know us or understand what happen to forgive us and want to be apart of our lives. My husband does not want to play the blame game or try to turn them against their mother nor do I but we are hopeless in Tn while they are angry in MO any help would be useful!!! Thank you for reading our story!!!
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