Year help: I have been married for 3 years. - Help.com

To be honest, I think asking someone else about what the correct thing to do in this marriage is not going to help. This is a relationship between you and him. It doesn’t involve anyone else’s wants or needs, it involves yours. If you can not live with him, then that’s something you have to decide.

Having said that, why does it matter if he stays home and takes care of your child? I mean it would different if the child was in daycare and he just sat around the house all day eating ice cream or something but it doesn’t sound like that is what he is doing. If he gets a job and you both work, how much of his income is going to go to daycare?

Or is it you that wants to stay home with the baby? This statement is interesting “i feel like i’m the man around the house” Maybe you can take turns? You work a few years and let him stay home and then he finds work and you stay home.

Each relationship is different, Why does he not want a job, or is th reason he cannot get a job?
You need to find these things out before you start throwing away a decent marriage, he is working in a way by looking after th home and the child.
Support is what is needed, how would you feel if you were th one at home and he was working, you were doing all the day to day tasks while bringing up your daughter, how would you feel then if he turned round and said either get a job or leave?
I would be very hurt and the pressure would be emmense.
Your makeing your life revolve around the none important things whn it sems to me you have what allot of people would do anything to get, a man who loves his family and spnds time with them.
So in answer to your question, I do think you are doing the wrong thing even more so if you haven’t asked him whats wrong or if he is ok

Drop the ultimatum unless you really are going to leave.

There was a time when my wife (now ex) wanted to take a district manager’s position which required travel, and she asked if I’d like to be a stay-at-home dad. I thought that was fantastic, because I had hardly any time to be a dad for the years up to that point. It took a month to establish a routine, I took care of everyone in the house, the house, and loved it, loved it, loved it. I was a great housedad.

About 6 months later, though, my wife announced she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, was quitting her job, and I had two weeks to get a job — that I NEEDED to take financial responsibility for the family. I tried to talk to her reasonably, saying that I even if I did manage to pick up work in the next two weeks, it might be another two weeks before I got my first check, that she needed to keep working until I was getting money coming in.

That wouldn’t do for her, and some of my friends have said she probably got fired.

Either way, she went to stay with her brother in CA for several weeks, and when I asked her if utilities and rent was paid, she’d say yes. But it wasn’t, and one day I came to the front door and there was an eviction notice. Again, I tried to talk to her about what to do from there, expressing my anger about her hiding the financial problems, but she laid it all on me, and one day I woke up and she had left with the children.

We were separated, the children traumatized, and after a few weeks she was leaving them in my full-time care, giving me no money to support them.

Now, she had her problems, but this all started with an ultimatum, and complete refusal to work out a practical solution.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with a working mom and a stay-at-home dad, so I can’t see that in itself as being the issue. What I expect is you feel you should have the freedom to work or not, and he should jump through hoops to make sure you have that freedom. The danger there is not being a true partner and ally.

Honey, if you can’t carry the weight yourself, what makes you think he can? If you think you should have that much time with the children, what makes you think he shouldn’t?

Work it out. Sounds like you both want more time with your children, at home, than most full-time jobs allow. Keep working it until it works. Together.

Touché Oster. Awesome advice….

“…if you can’t carry the weight yourself, what makes you think he can? If you think you should have that much time with the children, what makes you think he shouldn’t?”